All’s Well That Ends Well

1 Enter Bertram, Lafew and Parolles.
2 LAFEW.
3 They say miracles are past; and we have our philosophical persons to
4 make modern and familiar things supernatural and causeless. Hence is it
5 that we make trifles of terrors, ensconcing ourselves into seeming
6 knowledge when we should submit ourselves to an unknown fear.
7 PAROLLES.
8 Why, ’tis the rarest argument of wonder that hath shot out in our
9 latter times.
10 BERTRAM.
11 And so ’tis.
12 LAFEW.
13 To be relinquish’d of the artists,—
14 PAROLLES.
15 So I say; both of Galen and Paracelsus.
16 LAFEW.
17 Of all the learned and authentic fellows,—
18 PAROLLES.
19 Right; so I say.
20 LAFEW.
21 That gave him out incurable,—
22 PAROLLES.
23 Why, there ’tis; so say I too.
24 LAFEW.
25 Not to be helped.
26 PAROLLES.
27 Right; as ’twere a man assur’d of a—
28 LAFEW.
29 Uncertain life and sure death.
30 PAROLLES.
31 Just; you say well. So would I have said.
32 LAFEW.
33 I may truly say, it is a novelty to the world.
34 PAROLLES.
35 It is indeed; if you will have it in showing, you shall read it in what
36 do you call there?
37 LAFEW.
38 A showing of a heavenly effect in an earthly actor.
39 PAROLLES.
40 That’s it; I would have said the very same.
41 LAFEW.
42 Why, your dolphin is not lustier; fore me, I speak in respect—
43 PAROLLES.
44 Nay, ’tis strange, ’tis very strange; that is the brief and the tedious
45 of it; and he’s of a most facinerious spirit that will not acknowledge
46 it to be the—
47 LAFEW.
48 Very hand of heaven.
49 PAROLLES.
50 Ay, so I say.
51 LAFEW.
52 In a most weak—
53 PAROLLES.
54 And debile minister, great power, great transcendence, which should
55 indeed give us a further use to be made than alone the recov’ry of the
56 king, as to be—
57 LAFEW.
58 Generally thankful.
59 PAROLLES.
60 I would have said it; you say well. Here comes the king.
61 Enter King, Helena and Attendants.
62 LAFEW.
63 Lustique, as the Dutchman says. I’ll like a maid the better, whilst I
64 have a tooth in my head. Why, he’s able to lead her a coranto.
65 PAROLLES.
66 _Mor du vinager!_ is not this Helen?
67 LAFEW.
68 Fore God, I think so.
69 KING.
70 Go, call before me all the lords in court.
71 [_Exit an Attendant._]
72 Sit, my preserver, by thy patient’s side,
73 And with this healthful hand, whose banish’d sense
74 Thou has repeal’d, a second time receive
75 The confirmation of my promis’d gift,
76 Which but attends thy naming.
77 Enter several Lords.
78 Fair maid, send forth thine eye. This youthful parcel
79 Of noble bachelors stand at my bestowing,
80 O’er whom both sovereign power and father’s voice
81 I have to use. Thy frank election make;
82 Thou hast power to choose, and they none to forsake.
83 HELENA.
84 To each of you one fair and virtuous mistress
85 Fall, when love please! Marry, to each but one!
86 LAFEW.
87 I’d give bay curtal and his furniture
88 My mouth no more were broken than these boys’,
89 And writ as little beard.
90 KING.
91 Peruse them well.
92 Not one of those but had a noble father.
93 She addresses her to a Lord.
94 HELENA.
95 Gentlemen,
96 Heaven hath through me restor’d the king to health.
97 ALL.
98 We understand it, and thank heaven for you.
99 HELENA.
100 I am a simple maid, and therein wealthiest
101 That I protest I simply am a maid.
102 Please it, your majesty, I have done already.
103 The blushes in my cheeks thus whisper me:
104 “We blush that thou shouldst choose; but, be refused,
105 Let the white death sit on thy cheek for ever,
106 We’ll ne’er come there again.”
107 KING.
108 Make choice; and, see,
109 Who shuns thy love shuns all his love in me.
110 HELENA.
111 Now, Dian, from thy altar do I fly,
112 And to imperial Love, that god most high,
113 Do my sighs stream. [_To first Lord._] Sir, will you hear my suit?
114 FIRST LORD.
115 And grant it.
116 HELENA.
117 Thanks, sir; all the rest is mute.
118 LAFEW.
119 I had rather be in this choice than throw ames-ace for my life.
120 HELENA.
121 [_To second Lord._] The honour, sir, that flames in your fair eyes,
122 Before I speak, too threat’ningly replies.
123 Love make your fortunes twenty times above
124 Her that so wishes, and her humble love!
125 SECOND LORD.
126 No better, if you please.
127 HELENA.
128 My wish receive,
129 Which great Love grant; and so I take my leave.
130 LAFEW.
131 Do all they deny her? An they were sons of mine I’d have them whipp’d;
132 or I would send them to th’ Turk to make eunuchs of.
133 HELENA.
134 [_To third Lord._] Be not afraid that I your hand should take;
135 I’ll never do you wrong for your own sake.
136 Blessing upon your vows, and in your bed
137 Find fairer fortune, if you ever wed!
138 LAFEW.
139 These boys are boys of ice, they’ll none have her. Sure, they are
140 bastards to the English; the French ne’er got ’em.
141 HELENA.
142 [_To fourth Lord._] You are too young, too happy, and too good,
143 To make yourself a son out of my blood.
144 FOURTH LORD.
145 Fair one, I think not so.
146 LAFEW.
147 There’s one grape yet. I am sure thy father drank wine. But if thou
148 beest not an ass, I am a youth of fourteen; I have known thee already.
149 HELENA.
150 [_To Bertram._] I dare not say I take you, but I give
151 Me and my service, ever whilst I live,
152 Into your guiding power. This is the man.
153 KING.
154 Why, then, young Bertram, take her; she’s thy wife.
155 BERTRAM.
156 My wife, my liege! I shall beseech your highness,
157 In such a business give me leave to use
158 The help of mine own eyes.
159 KING.
160 Know’st thou not, Bertram,
161 What she has done for me?
162 BERTRAM.
163 Yes, my good lord,
164 But never hope to know why I should marry her.
165 KING.
166 Thou know’st she has rais’d me from my sickly bed.
167 BERTRAM.
168 But follows it, my lord, to bring me down
169 Must answer for your raising? I know her well;
170 She had her breeding at my father’s charge:
171 A poor physician’s daughter my wife! Disdain
172 Rather corrupt me ever!
173 KING.
174 ’Tis only title thou disdain’st in her, the which
175 I can build up. Strange is it that our bloods,
176 Of colour, weight, and heat, pour’d all together,
177 Would quite confound distinction, yet stands off
178 In differences so mighty. If she be
179 All that is virtuous, save what thou dislik’st,
180 A poor physician’s daughter,—thou dislik’st—
181 Of virtue for the name. But do not so.
182 From lowest place when virtuous things proceed,
183 The place is dignified by the doer’s deed.
184 Where great additions swell’s, and virtue none,
185 It is a dropsied honour. Good alone
186 Is good without a name; vileness is so:
187 The property by what it is should go,
188 Not by the title. She is young, wise, fair;
189 In these to nature she’s immediate heir;
190 And these breed honour: that is honour’s scorn
191 Which challenges itself as honour’s born,
192 And is not like the sire. Honours thrive
193 When rather from our acts we them derive
194 Than our fore-goers. The mere word’s a slave,
195 Debauch’d on every tomb, on every grave
196 A lying trophy, and as oft is dumb
197 Where dust and damn’d oblivion is the tomb
198 Of honour’d bones indeed. What should be said?
199 If thou canst like this creature as a maid,
200 I can create the rest. Virtue and she
201 Is her own dower; honour and wealth from me.
202 BERTRAM.
203 I cannot love her, nor will strive to do ’t.
204 KING.
205 Thou wrong’st thyself, if thou shouldst strive to choose.
206 HELENA.
207 That you are well restor’d, my lord, I am glad.
208 Let the rest go.
209 KING.
210 My honour’s at the stake, which to defeat,
211 I must produce my power. Here, take her hand,
212 Proud scornful boy, unworthy this good gift,
213 That dost in vile misprision shackle up
214 My love and her desert; that canst not dream
215 We, poising us in her defective scale,
216 Shall weigh thee to the beam; that wilt not know
217 It is in us to plant thine honour where
218 We please to have it grow. Check thy contempt;
219 Obey our will, which travails in thy good;
220 Believe not thy disdain, but presently
221 Do thine own fortunes that obedient right
222 Which both thy duty owes and our power claims;
223 Or I will throw thee from my care for ever
224 Into the staggers and the careless lapse
225 Of youth and ignorance; both my revenge and hate
226 Loosing upon thee in the name of justice,
227 Without all terms of pity. Speak! Thine answer!
228 BERTRAM.
229 Pardon, my gracious lord; for I submit
230 My fancy to your eyes. When I consider
231 What great creation, and what dole of honour
232 Flies where you bid it, I find that she, which late
233 Was in my nobler thoughts most base, is now
234 The praised of the king; who, so ennobled,
235 Is as ’twere born so.
236 KING.
237 Take her by the hand,
238 And tell her she is thine; to whom I promise
239 A counterpoise; if not to thy estate,
240 A balance more replete.
241 BERTRAM.
242 I take her hand.
243 KING.
244 Good fortune and the favour of the king
245 Smile upon this contract; whose ceremony
246 Shall seem expedient on the now-born brief,
247 And be perform’d tonight. The solemn feast
248 Shall more attend upon the coming space,
249 Expecting absent friends. As thou lov’st her,
250 Thy love’s to me religious; else, does err.
251 [_Exeunt King, Bertram, Helena, Lords, and Attendants._]
252 LAFEW.
253 Do you hear, monsieur? A word with you.
254 PAROLLES.
255 Your pleasure, sir.
256 LAFEW.
257 Your lord and master did well to make his recantation.
258 PAROLLES.
259 Recantation! My lord! My master!
260 LAFEW.
261 Ay. Is it not a language I speak?
262 PAROLLES.
263 A most harsh one, and not to be understood without bloody succeeding.
264 My master!
265 LAFEW.
266 Are you companion to the Count Rossillon?
267 PAROLLES.
268 To any count; to all counts; to what is man.
269 LAFEW.
270 To what is count’s man: count’s master is of another style.
271 PAROLLES.
272 You are too old, sir; let it satisfy you, you are too old.
273 LAFEW.
274 I must tell thee, sirrah, I write man; to which title age cannot bring
275 thee.
276 PAROLLES.
277 What I dare too well do, I dare not do.
278 LAFEW.
279 I did think thee, for two ordinaries, to be a pretty wise fellow; thou
280 didst make tolerable vent of thy travel; it might pass. Yet the scarfs
281 and the bannerets about thee did manifoldly dissuade me from believing
282 thee a vessel of too great a burden. I have now found thee; when I lose
283 thee again I care not. Yet art thou good for nothing but taking up, and
284 that thou art scarce worth.
285 PAROLLES.
286 Hadst thou not the privilege of antiquity upon thee—
287 LAFEW.
288 Do not plunge thyself too far in anger, lest thou hasten thy trial;
289 which if—Lord have mercy on thee for a hen! So, my good window of
290 lattice, fare thee well; thy casement I need not open, for I look
291 through thee. Give me thy hand.
292 PAROLLES.
293 My lord, you give me most egregious indignity.
294 LAFEW.
295 Ay, with all my heart; and thou art worthy of it.
296 PAROLLES.
297 I have not, my lord, deserv’d it.
298 LAFEW.
299 Yes, good faith, every dram of it; and I will not bate thee a scruple.
300 PAROLLES.
301 Well, I shall be wiser.
302 LAFEW.
303 Ev’n as soon as thou canst, for thou hast to pull at a smack o’ th’
304 contrary. If ever thou beest bound in thy scarf and beaten, thou shalt
305 find what it is to be proud of thy bondage. I have a desire to hold my
306 acquaintance with thee, or rather my knowledge, that I may say in the
307 default, “He is a man I know.”
308 PAROLLES.
309 My lord, you do me most insupportable vexation.
310 LAFEW.
311 I would it were hell-pains for thy sake, and my poor doing eternal; for
312 doing I am past, as I will by thee, in what motion age will give me
313 leave.
314 [_Exit._]
315 PAROLLES.
316 Well, thou hast a son shall take this disgrace off me; scurvy, old,
317 filthy, scurvy lord! Well, I must be patient; there is no fettering of
318 authority. I’ll beat him, by my life, if I can meet him with any
319 convenience, an he were double and double a lord. I’ll have no more
320 pity of his age than I would have of—I’ll beat him, and if I could but
321 meet him again.
322 Enter Lafew.
323 LAFEW.
324 Sirrah, your lord and master’s married; there’s news for you; you have
325 a new mistress.
326 PAROLLES.
327 I most unfeignedly beseech your lordship to make some reservation of
328 your wrongs. He is my good lord; whom I serve above is my master.
329 LAFEW.
330 Who? God?
331 PAROLLES.
332 Ay, sir.
333 LAFEW.
334 The devil it is that’s thy master. Why dost thou garter up thy arms o’
335 this fashion? Dost make hose of thy sleeves? Do other servants so? Thou
336 wert best set thy lower part where thy nose stands. By mine honour, if
337 I were but two hours younger, I’d beat thee. Methink’st thou art a
338 general offence, and every man should beat thee. I think thou wast
339 created for men to breathe themselves upon thee.
340 PAROLLES.
341 This is hard and undeserved measure, my lord.
342 LAFEW.
343 Go to, sir; you were beaten in Italy for picking a kernel out of a
344 pomegranate; you are a vagabond, and no true traveller. You are more
345 saucy with lords and honourable personages than the commission of your
346 birth and virtue gives you heraldry. You are not worth another word,
347 else I’d call you knave. I leave you.
348 [_Exit._]
349 Enter Bertram.
350 PAROLLES.
351 Good, very good, it is so then. Good, very good; let it be conceal’d
352 awhile.
353 BERTRAM.
354 Undone, and forfeited to cares for ever!
355 PAROLLES.
356 What’s the matter, sweetheart?
357 BERTRAM.
358 Although before the solemn priest I have sworn,
359 I will not bed her.
360 PAROLLES.
361 What, what, sweetheart?
362 BERTRAM.
363 O my Parolles, they have married me!
364 I’ll to the Tuscan wars, and never bed her.
365 PAROLLES.
366 France is a dog-hole, and it no more merits
367 The tread of a man’s foot: to the wars!
368 BERTRAM.
369 There’s letters from my mother; what th’ import is
370 I know not yet.
371 PAROLLES.
372 Ay, that would be known. To th’ wars, my boy, to th’ wars!
373 He wears his honour in a box unseen
374 That hugs his kicky-wicky here at home,
375 Spending his manly marrow in her arms,
376 Which should sustain the bound and high curvet
377 Of Mars’s fiery steed. To other regions!
378 France is a stable; we that dwell in’t, jades,
379 Therefore, to th’ war!
380 BERTRAM.
381 It shall be so; I’ll send her to my house,
382 Acquaint my mother with my hate to her,
383 And wherefore I am fled; write to the king
384 That which I durst not speak. His present gift
385 Shall furnish me to those Italian fields
386 Where noble fellows strike. War is no strife
387 To the dark house and the detested wife.
388 PAROLLES.
389 Will this caprichio hold in thee, art sure?
390 BERTRAM.
391 Go with me to my chamber and advise me.
392 I’ll send her straight away. Tomorrow
393 I’ll to the wars, she to her single sorrow.
394 PAROLLES.
395 Why, these balls bound; there’s noise in it. ’Tis hard:
396 A young man married is a man that’s marr’d.
397 Therefore away, and leave her bravely; go.
398 The king has done you wrong; but hush ’tis so.
399 [_Exeunt._]