All’s Well That Ends Well

1 Enter Bertram and the two French Lords.
2 FIRST LORD.
3 Nay, good my lord, put him to’t; let him have his way.
4 SECOND LORD.
5 If your lordship find him not a hilding, hold me no more in your
6 respect.
7 FIRST LORD.
8 On my life, my lord, a bubble.
9 BERTRAM.
10 Do you think I am so far deceived in him?
11 FIRST LORD.
12 Believe it, my lord, in mine own direct knowledge, without any malice,
13 but to speak of him as my kinsman, he’s a most notable coward, an
14 infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise-breaker, the owner of no
15 one good quality worthy your lordship’s entertainment.
16 SECOND LORD.
17 It were fit you knew him; lest, reposing too far in his virtue, which
18 he hath not, he might at some great and trusty business, in a main
19 danger fail you.
20 BERTRAM.
21 I would I knew in what particular action to try him.
22 SECOND LORD.
23 None better than to let him fetch off his drum, which you hear him so
24 confidently undertake to do.
25 FIRST LORD.
26 I with a troop of Florentines will suddenly surprise him; such I will
27 have whom I am sure he knows not from the enemy; we will bind and
28 hoodwink him so that he shall suppose no other but that he is carried
29 into the leaguer of the adversaries when we bring him to our own tents.
30 Be but your lordship present at his examination; if he do not for the
31 promise of his life, and in the highest compulsion of base fear, offer
32 to betray you, and deliver all the intelligence in his power against
33 you, and that with the divine forfeit of his soul upon oath, never
34 trust my judgment in anything.
35 SECOND LORD.
36 O, for the love of laughter, let him fetch his drum; he says he has a
37 stratagem for’t. When your lordship sees the bottom of his success
38 in’t, and to what metal this counterfeit lump of ore will be melted, if
39 you give him not John Drum’s entertainment, your inclining cannot be
40 removed. Here he comes.
41 Enter Parolles.
42 FIRST LORD.
43 O, for the love of laughter, hinder not the honour of his design: let
44 him fetch off his drum in any hand.
45 BERTRAM.
46 How now, monsieur! This drum sticks sorely in your disposition.
47 SECOND LORD.
48 A pox on ’t; let it go; ’tis but a drum.
49 PAROLLES.
50 But a drum! Is’t but a drum? A drum so lost! There was excellent
51 command, to charge in with our horse upon our own wings, and to rend
52 our own soldiers.
53 SECOND LORD.
54 That was not to be blam’d in the command of the service; it was a
55 disaster of war that Caesar himself could not have prevented, if he had
56 been there to command.
57 BERTRAM.
58 Well, we cannot greatly condemn our success: some dishonour we had in
59 the loss of that drum, but it is not to be recovered.
60 PAROLLES.
61 It might have been recovered.
62 BERTRAM.
63 It might, but it is not now.
64 PAROLLES.
65 It is to be recovered. But that the merit of service is seldom
66 attributed to the true and exact performer, I would have that drum or
67 another, or _hic jacet_.
68 BERTRAM.
69 Why, if you have a stomach, to’t, monsieur, if you think your mystery
70 in stratagem can bring this instrument of honour again into his native
71 quarter, be magnanimous in the enterprise, and go on; I will grace the
72 attempt for a worthy exploit; if you speed well in it, the duke shall
73 both speak of it and extend to you what further becomes his greatness,
74 even to the utmost syllable of your worthiness.
75 PAROLLES.
76 By the hand of a soldier, I will undertake it.
77 BERTRAM.
78 But you must not now slumber in it.
79 PAROLLES.
80 I’ll about it this evening; and I will presently pen down my dilemmas,
81 encourage myself in my certainty, put myself into my mortal
82 preparation; and by midnight look to hear further from me.
83 BERTRAM.
84 May I be bold to acquaint his grace you are gone about it?
85 PAROLLES.
86 I know not what the success will be, my lord, but the attempt I vow.
87 BERTRAM.
88 I know th’art valiant; and to the possibility of thy soldiership, will
89 subscribe for thee. Farewell.
90 PAROLLES.
91 I love not many words.
92 [_Exit._]
93 FIRST LORD.
94 No more than a fish loves water. Is not this a strange fellow, my lord,
95 that so confidently seems to undertake this business, which he knows is
96 not to be done; damns himself to do, and dares better be damn’d than to
97 do’t.
98 SECOND LORD.
99 You do not know him, my lord, as we do; certain it is that he will
100 steal himself into a man’s favour, and for a week escape a great deal
101 of discoveries, but when you find him out, you have him ever after.
102 BERTRAM.
103 Why, do you think he will make no deed at all of this, that so
104 seriously he does address himself unto?
105 FIRST LORD.
106 None in the world; but return with an invention, and clap upon you two
107 or three probable lies; but we have almost embossed him; you shall see
108 his fall tonight; for indeed he is not for your lordship’s respect.
109 SECOND LORD.
110 We’ll make you some sport with the fox ere we case him. He was first
111 smok’d by the old Lord Lafew; when his disguise and he is parted, tell
112 me what a sprat you shall find him; which you shall see this very
113 night.
114 FIRST LORD.
115 I must go look my twigs. He shall be caught.
116 BERTRAM.
117 Your brother, he shall go along with me.
118 FIRST LORD.
119 As’t please your lordship. I’ll leave you.
120 [_Exit._]
121 BERTRAM.
122 Now will I lead you to the house, and show you
123 The lass I spoke of.
124 SECOND LORD.
125 But you say she’s honest.
126 BERTRAM.
127 That’s all the fault. I spoke with her but once,
128 And found her wondrous cold, but I sent to her
129 By this same coxcomb that we have i’ the wind
130 Tokens and letters which she did re-send,
131 And this is all I have done. She’s a fair creature;
132 Will you go see her?
133 SECOND LORD.
134 With all my heart, my lord.
135 [_Exeunt._]