All’s Well That Ends Well

1 Enter Clown, Countess and Lafew.
2 LAFEW.
3 No, no, no, your son was misled with a snipt-taffeta fellow there,
4 whose villanous saffron would have made all the unbak’d and doughy
5 youth of a nation in his colour. Your daughter-in-law had been alive at
6 this hour, and your son here at home, more advanc’d by the king than by
7 that red-tail’d humble-bee I speak of.
8 COUNTESS.
9 I would I had not known him; it was the death of the most virtuous
10 gentlewoman that ever nature had praise for creating. If she had
11 partaken of my flesh and cost me the dearest groans of a mother, I
12 could not have owed her a more rooted love.
13 LAFEW.
14 ’Twas a good lady, ’twas a good lady. We may pick a thousand salads ere
15 we light on such another herb.
16 CLOWN.
17 Indeed, sir, she was the sweet marjoram of the salad, or, rather, the
18 herb of grace.
19 LAFEW.
20 They are not herbs, you knave; they are nose-herbs.
21 CLOWN.
22 I am no great Nebuchadnezzar, sir; I have not much skill in grass.
23 LAFEW.
24 Whether dost thou profess thyself,—a knave or a fool?
25 CLOWN.
26 A fool, sir, at a woman’s service, and a knave at a man’s.
27 LAFEW.
28 Your distinction?
29 CLOWN.
30 I would cozen the man of his wife, and do his service.
31 LAFEW.
32 So you were a knave at his service indeed.
33 CLOWN.
34 And I would give his wife my bauble, sir, to do her service.
35 LAFEW.
36 I will subscribe for thee; thou art both knave and fool.
37 CLOWN.
38 At your service.
39 LAFEW.
40 No, no, no.
41 CLOWN.
42 Why, sir, if I cannot serve you, I can serve as great a prince as you
43 are.
44 LAFEW.
45 Who’s that? a Frenchman?
46 CLOWN.
47 Faith, sir, ’a has an English name; but his phisnomy is more hotter in
48 France than there.
49 LAFEW.
50 What prince is that?
51 CLOWN.
52 The black prince, sir; alias the prince of darkness; alias the devil.
53 LAFEW.
54 Hold thee, there’s my purse. I give thee not this to suggest thee from
55 thy master thou talk’st of; serve him still.
56 CLOWN.
57 I am a woodland fellow, sir, that always loved a great fire, and the
58 master I speak of ever keeps a good fire. But sure he is the prince of
59 the world; let his nobility remain in’s court. I am for the house with
60 the narrow gate, which I take to be too little for pomp to enter: some
61 that humble themselves may, but the many will be too chill and tender,
62 and they’ll be for the flow’ry way that leads to the broad gate and the
63 great fire.
64 LAFEW.
65 Go thy ways, I begin to be a-weary of thee; and I tell thee so before,
66 because I would not fall out with thee. Go thy ways; let my horses be
67 well look’d to, without any tricks.
68 CLOWN.
69 If I put any tricks upon ’em, sir, they shall be jades’ tricks, which
70 are their own right by the law of nature.
71 [_Exit._]
72 LAFEW.
73 A shrewd knave, and an unhappy.
74 COUNTESS.
75 So he is. My lord that’s gone made himself much sport out of him; by
76 his authority he remains here, which he thinks is a patent for his
77 sauciness; and indeed he has no pace, but runs where he will.
78 LAFEW.
79 I like him well; ’tis not amiss. And I was about to tell you, since I
80 heard of the good lady’s death, and that my lord your son was upon his
81 return home, I moved the king my master to speak in the behalf of my
82 daughter; which, in the minority of them both, his majesty out of a
83 self-gracious remembrance did first propose. His highness hath promis’d
84 me to do it; and, to stop up the displeasure he hath conceived against
85 your son, there is no fitter matter. How does your ladyship like it?
86 COUNTESS.
87 With very much content, my lord, and I wish it happily effected.
88 LAFEW.
89 His highness comes post from Marseilles, of as able body as when he
90 number’d thirty; he will be here tomorrow, or I am deceived by him that
91 in such intelligence hath seldom fail’d.
92 COUNTESS.
93 It rejoices me that I hope I shall see him ere I die. I have letters
94 that my son will be here tonight. I shall beseech your lordship to
95 remain with me till they meet together.
96 LAFEW.
97 Madam, I was thinking with what manners I might safely be admitted.
98 COUNTESS.
99 You need but plead your honourable privilege.
100 LAFEW.
101 Lady, of that I have made a bold charter; but, I thank my God, it holds
102 yet.
103 Enter Clown.
104 CLOWN.
105 O madam, yonder’s my lord your son with a patch of velvet on’s face;
106 whether there be a scar under’t or no, the velvet knows; but ’tis a
107 goodly patch of velvet. His left cheek is a cheek of two pile and a
108 half, but his right cheek is worn bare.
109 LAFEW.
110 A scar nobly got, or a noble scar, is a good livery of honour; so
111 belike is that.
112 CLOWN.
113 But it is your carbonado’d face.
114 LAFEW.
115 Let us go see your son, I pray you. I long to talk with the young noble
116 soldier.
117 CLOWN.
118 Faith, there’s a dozen of ’em, with delicate fine hats, and most
119 courteous feathers, which bow the head and nod at every man.
120 [_Exeunt._]