As You Like It

1 Enter Rosalind and Celia.
2 CELIA.
3 I pray thee, Rosalind, sweet my coz, be merry.
4 ROSALIND.
5 Dear Celia, I show more mirth than I am mistress of, and would you yet
6 I were merrier? Unless you could teach me to forget a banished father,
7 you must not learn me how to remember any extraordinary pleasure.
8 CELIA.
9 Herein I see thou lov’st me not with the full weight that I love thee.
10 If my uncle, thy banished father, had banished thy uncle, the Duke my
11 father, so thou hadst been still with me, I could have taught my love
12 to take thy father for mine. So wouldst thou, if the truth of thy love
13 to me were so righteously tempered as mine is to thee.
14 ROSALIND.
15 Well, I will forget the condition of my estate to rejoice in yours.
16 CELIA.
17 You know my father hath no child but I, nor none is like to have; and
18 truly, when he dies thou shalt be his heir, for what he hath taken away
19 from thy father perforce, I will render thee again in affection. By
20 mine honour I will! And when I break that oath, let me turn monster.
21 Therefore, my sweet Rose, my dear Rose, be merry.
22 ROSALIND.
23 From henceforth I will, coz, and devise sports. Let me see—what think
24 you of falling in love?
25 CELIA.
26 Marry, I prithee do, to make sport withal; but love no man in good
27 earnest, nor no further in sport neither than with safety of a pure
28 blush thou mayst in honour come off again.
29 ROSALIND.
30 What shall be our sport, then?
31 CELIA.
32 Let us sit and mock the good housewife Fortune from her wheel, that her
33 gifts may henceforth be bestowed equally.
34 ROSALIND.
35 I would we could do so, for her benefits are mightily misplaced, and
36 the bountiful blind woman doth most mistake in her gifts to women.
37 CELIA.
38 ’Tis true, for those that she makes fair she scarce makes honest, and
39 those that she makes honest she makes very ill-favouredly.
40 ROSALIND.
41 Nay, now thou goest from Fortune’s office to Nature’s. Fortune reigns
42 in gifts of the world, not in the lineaments of Nature.
43 Enter Touchstone.
44 CELIA.
45 No? When Nature hath made a fair creature, may she not by Fortune fall
46 into the fire? Though Nature hath given us wit to flout at Fortune,
47 hath not Fortune sent in this fool to cut off the argument?
48 ROSALIND.
49 Indeed, there is Fortune too hard for Nature, when Fortune makes
50 Nature’s natural the cutter-off of Nature’s wit.
51 CELIA.
52 Peradventure this is not Fortune’s work neither, but Nature’s, who
53 perceiveth our natural wits too dull to reason of such goddesses, and
54 hath sent this natural for our whetstone; for always the dullness of
55 the fool is the whetstone of the wits.—How now, wit, whither wander
56 you?
57 TOUCHSTONE.
58 Mistress, you must come away to your father.
59 CELIA.
60 Were you made the messenger?
61 TOUCHSTONE.
62 No, by mine honour, but I was bid to come for you.
63 ROSALIND.
64 Where learned you that oath, fool?
65 TOUCHSTONE.
66 Of a certain knight that swore by his honour they were good pancakes,
67 and swore by his honour the mustard was naught. Now, I’ll stand to it,
68 the pancakes were naught and the mustard was good, and yet was not the
69 knight forsworn.
70 CELIA.
71 How prove you that in the great heap of your knowledge?
72 ROSALIND.
73 Ay, marry, now unmuzzle your wisdom.
74 TOUCHSTONE.
75 Stand you both forth now: stroke your chins, and swear by your beards
76 that I am a knave.
77 CELIA.
78 By our beards, if we had them, thou art.
79 TOUCHSTONE.
80 By my knavery, if I had it, then I were. But if you swear by that that
81 is not, you are not forsworn. No more was this knight swearing by his
82 honour, for he never had any; or if he had, he had sworn it away before
83 ever he saw those pancackes or that mustard.
84 CELIA.
85 Prithee, who is’t that thou mean’st?
86 TOUCHSTONE.
87 One that old Frederick, your father, loves.
88 CELIA.
89 My father’s love is enough to honour him. Enough! Speak no more of him.
90 You’ll be whipped for taxation one of these days.
91 TOUCHSTONE.
92 The more pity that fools may not speak wisely what wise men do
93 foolishly.
94 CELIA.
95 By my troth, thou sayest true. For since the little wit that fools have
96 was silenced, the little foolery that wise men have makes a great show.
97 Here comes Monsieur Le Beau.
98 Enter Le Beau.
99 ROSALIND.
100 With his mouth full of news.
101 CELIA.
102 Which he will put on us as pigeons feed their young.
103 ROSALIND.
104 Then shall we be news-crammed.
105 CELIA.
106 All the better; we shall be the more marketable.
107 _Bonjour_, Monsieur Le Beau. What’s the news?
108 LE BEAU.
109 Fair princess, you have lost much good sport.
110 CELIA.
111 Sport! Of what colour?
112 LE BEAU.
113 What colour, madam? How shall I answer you?
114 ROSALIND.
115 As wit and fortune will.
116 TOUCHSTONE.
117 Or as the destinies decrees.
118 CELIA.
119 Well said. That was laid on with a trowel.
120 TOUCHSTONE.
121 Nay, if I keep not my rank—
122 ROSALIND.
123 Thou losest thy old smell.
124 LE BEAU.
125 You amaze me, ladies. I would have told you of good wrestling, which
126 you have lost the sight of.
127 ROSALIND.
128 Yet tell us the manner of the wrestling.
129 LE BEAU.
130 I will tell you the beginning and, if it please your ladyships, you may
131 see the end, for the best is yet to do; and here, where you are, they
132 are coming to perform it.
133 CELIA.
134 Well, the beginning that is dead and buried.
135 LE BEAU.
136 There comes an old man and his three sons—
137 CELIA.
138 I could match this beginning with an old tale.
139 LE BEAU.
140 Three proper young men of excellent growth and presence.
141 ROSALIND.
142 With bills on their necks: “Be it known unto all men by these
143 presents.”
144 LE BEAU.
145 The eldest of the three wrestled with Charles, the Duke’s wrestler,
146 which Charles in a moment threw him and broke three of his ribs, that
147 there is little hope of life in him. So he served the second, and so
148 the third. Yonder they lie, the poor old man their father making such
149 pitiful dole over them that all the beholders take his part with
150 weeping.
151 ROSALIND.
152 Alas!
153 TOUCHSTONE.
154 But what is the sport, monsieur, that the ladies have lost?
155 LE BEAU.
156 Why, this that I speak of.
157 TOUCHSTONE.
158 Thus men may grow wiser every day. It is the first time that ever I
159 heard breaking of ribs was sport for ladies.
160 CELIA.
161 Or I, I promise thee.
162 ROSALIND.
163 But is there any else longs to see this broken music in his sides? Is
164 there yet another dotes upon rib-breaking? Shall we see this wrestling,
165 cousin?
166 LE BEAU.
167 You must if you stay here, for here is the place appointed for the
168 wrestling, and they are ready to perform it.
169 CELIA.
170 Yonder, sure, they are coming. Let us now stay and see it.
171 Flourish. Enter Duke Frederick, Lords, Orlando, Charles and Attendants.
172 DUKE FREDERICK.
173 Come on. Since the youth will not be entreated, his own peril on his
174 forwardness.
175 ROSALIND.
176 Is yonder the man?
177 LE BEAU.
178 Even he, madam.
179 CELIA.
180 Alas, he is too young. Yet he looks successfully.
181 DUKE FREDERICK.
182 How now, daughter and cousin? Are you crept hither to see the
183 wrestling?
184 ROSALIND.
185 Ay, my liege, so please you give us leave.
186 DUKE FREDERICK.
187 You will take little delight in it, I can tell you, there is such odds
188 in the man. In pity of the challenger’s youth I would fain dissuade
189 him, but he will not be entreated. Speak to him, ladies; see if you can
190 move him.
191 CELIA.
192 Call him hither, good Monsieur Le Beau.
193 DUKE FREDERICK.
194 Do so; I’ll not be by.
195 [_Duke Frederick steps aside._]
196 LE BEAU.
197 Monsieur the challenger, the Princess calls for you.
198 ORLANDO.
199 I attend them with all respect and duty.
200 ROSALIND.
201 Young man, have you challenged Charles the wrestler?
202 ORLANDO.
203 No, fair princess. He is the general challenger. I come but in as
204 others do, to try with him the strength of my youth.
205 CELIA.
206 Young gentleman, your spirits are too bold for your years. You have
207 seen cruel proof of this man’s strength. If you saw yourself with your
208 eyes or knew yourself with your judgement, the fear of your adventure
209 would counsel you to a more equal enterprise. We pray you for your own
210 sake to embrace your own safety and give over this attempt.
211 ROSALIND.
212 Do, young sir. Your reputation shall not therefore be misprized. We
213 will make it our suit to the Duke that the wrestling might not go
214 forward.
215 ORLANDO.
216 I beseech you, punish me not with your hard thoughts, wherein I confess
217 me much guilty to deny so fair and excellent ladies anything. But let
218 your fair eyes and gentle wishes go with me to my trial, wherein if I
219 be foiled there is but one shamed that was never gracious; if killed,
220 but one dead that is willing to be so. I shall do my friends no wrong,
221 for I have none to lament me; the world no injury, for in it I have
222 nothing. Only in the world I fill up a place, which may be better
223 supplied when I have made it empty.
224 ROSALIND.
225 The little strength that I have, I would it were with you.
226 CELIA.
227 And mine to eke out hers.
228 ROSALIND.
229 Fare you well. Pray heaven I be deceived in you.
230 CELIA.
231 Your heart’s desires be with you.
232 CHARLES.
233 Come, where is this young gallant that is so desirous to lie with his
234 mother earth?
235 ORLANDO.
236 Ready, sir; but his will hath in it a more modest working.
237 DUKE FREDERICK.
238 You shall try but one fall.
239 CHARLES.
240 No, I warrant your grace you shall not entreat him to a second, that
241 have so mightily persuaded him from a first.
242 ORLANDO.
243 You mean to mock me after; you should not have mocked me before. But
244 come your ways.
245 ROSALIND.
246 Now, Hercules be thy speed, young man!
247 CELIA.
248 I would I were invisible, to catch the strong fellow by the leg.
249 [_Orlando and Charles wrestle._]
250 ROSALIND.
251 O excellent young man!
252 CELIA.
253 If I had a thunderbolt in mine eye, I can tell who should down.
254 [_Charles is thrown. Shout._]
255 DUKE FREDERICK.
256 No more, no more.
257 ORLANDO.
258 Yes, I beseech your grace. I am not yet well breathed.
259 DUKE FREDERICK.
260 How dost thou, Charles?
261 LE BEAU.
262 He cannot speak, my lord.
263 DUKE FREDERICK.
264 Bear him away.
265 [_Charles is carried off by Attendants._]
266 What is thy name, young man?
267 ORLANDO.
268 Orlando, my liege, the youngest son of Sir Rowland de Boys.
269 DUKE FREDERICK.
270 I would thou hadst been son to some man else.
271 The world esteemed thy father honourable,
272 But I did find him still mine enemy.
273 Thou shouldst have better pleased me with this deed
274 Hadst thou descended from another house.
275 But fare thee well, thou art a gallant youth.
276 I would thou hadst told me of another father.
277 [_Exeunt Duke Frederick, Le Beau and Lords._]
278 CELIA.
279 Were I my father, coz, would I do this?
280 ORLANDO.
281 I am more proud to be Sir Rowland’s son,
282 His youngest son, and would not change that calling
283 To be adopted heir to Frederick.
284 ROSALIND.
285 My father loved Sir Rowland as his soul,
286 And all the world was of my father’s mind.
287 Had I before known this young man his son,
288 I should have given him tears unto entreaties
289 Ere he should thus have ventured.
290 CELIA.
291 Gentle cousin,
292 Let us go thank him and encourage him.
293 My father’s rough and envious disposition
294 Sticks me at heart.—Sir, you have well deserved.
295 If you do keep your promises in love
296 But justly, as you have exceeded promise,
297 Your mistress shall be happy.
298 ROSALIND.
299 Gentleman,
300 [_Giving him a chain from her neck_.]
301 Wear this for me—one out of suits with Fortune,
302 That could give more but that her hand lacks means.—
303 Shall we go, coz?
304 CELIA.
305 Ay.—Fare you well, fair gentleman.
306 ORLANDO.
307 Can I not say, I thank you? My better parts
308 Are all thrown down, and that which here stands up
309 Is but a quintain, a mere lifeless block.
310 ROSALIND.
311 He calls us back. My pride fell with my fortunes.
312 I’ll ask him what he would.—Did you call, sir?—
313 Sir, you have wrestled well and overthrown
314 More than your enemies.
315 CELIA.
316 Will you go, coz?
317 ROSALIND.
318 Have with you.—Fare you well.
319 [_Exeunt Rosalind and Celia._]
320 ORLANDO.
321 What passion hangs these weights upon my tongue?
322 I cannot speak to her, yet she urged conference.
323 O poor Orlando, thou art overthrown.
324 Or Charles or something weaker masters thee.
325 Enter Le Beau.
326 LE BEAU.
327 Good sir, I do in friendship counsel you
328 To leave this place. Albeit you have deserved
329 High commendation, true applause, and love,
330 Yet such is now the Duke’s condition
331 That he misconsters all that you have done.
332 The Duke is humorous; what he is indeed
333 More suits you to conceive than I to speak of.
334 ORLANDO.
335 I thank you, sir; and pray you tell me this:
336 Which of the two was daughter of the Duke
337 That here was at the wrestling?
338 LE BEAU.
339 Neither his daughter, if we judge by manners,
340 But yet indeed the smaller is his daughter.
341 The other is daughter to the banished Duke,
342 And here detained by her usurping uncle
343 To keep his daughter company, whose loves
344 Are dearer than the natural bond of sisters.
345 But I can tell you that of late this Duke
346 Hath ta’en displeasure ’gainst his gentle niece,
347 Grounded upon no other argument
348 But that the people praise her for her virtues
349 And pity her for her good father’s sake;
350 And, on my life, his malice ’gainst the lady
351 Will suddenly break forth. Sir, fare you well.
352 Hereafter, in a better world than this,
353 I shall desire more love and knowledge of you.
354 ORLANDO.
355 I rest much bounden to you; fare you well!
356 [_Exit Le Beau._]
357 Thus must I from the smoke into the smother,
358 From tyrant Duke unto a tyrant brother.
359 But heavenly Rosalind!
360 [_Exit._]