Love’s Labour’s Lost

1 Enter Armado and Moth, his Page.
2 ARMADO.
3 Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit grows melancholy?
4 MOTH.
5 A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.
6 ARMADO.
7 Why, sadness is one and the selfsame thing, dear imp.
8 MOTH.
9 No, no, O Lord, sir, no.
10 ARMADO.
11 How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my tender juvenal?
12 MOTH.
13 By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough signior.
14 ARMADO.
15 Why tough signior? Why tough signior?
16 MOTH.
17 Why tender juvenal? Why tender juvenal?
18 ARMADO.
19 I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton appertaining to
20 thy young days, which we may nominate tender.
21 MOTH.
22 And I, tough signior, as an appertinent title to your old time, which
23 we may name tough.
24 ARMADO.
25 Pretty and apt.
26 MOTH.
27 How mean you, sir? I pretty and my saying apt, or I apt, and my saying
28 pretty?
29 ARMADO.
30 Thou pretty, because little.
31 MOTH.
32 Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?
33 ARMADO.
34 And therefore apt, because quick.
35 MOTH.
36 Speak you this in my praise, master?
37 ARMADO.
38 In thy condign praise.
39 MOTH.
40 I will praise an eel with the same praise.
41 ARMADO.
42 What, that an eel is ingenious?
43 MOTH.
44 That an eel is quick.
45 ARMADO.
46 I do say thou art quick in answers. Thou heat’st my blood.
47 MOTH.
48 I am answered, sir.
49 ARMADO.
50 I love not to be crossed.
51 MOTH.
52 [_Aside_.] He speaks the mere contrary; crosses love not him.
53 ARMADO.
54 I have promised to study three years with the Duke.
55 MOTH.
56 You may do it in an hour, sir.
57 ARMADO.
58 Impossible.
59 MOTH.
60 How many is one thrice told?
61 ARMADO.
62 I am ill at reckoning. It fitteth the spirit of a tapster.
63 MOTH.
64 You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.
65 ARMADO.
66 I confess both. They are both the varnish of a complete man.
67 MOTH.
68 Then I am sure you know how much the gross sum of deuce-ace amounts to.
69 ARMADO.
70 It doth amount to one more than two.
71 MOTH.
72 Which the base vulgar do call three.
73 ARMADO.
74 True.
75 MOTH.
76 Why, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here’s three studied ere
77 ye’ll thrice wink. And how easy it is to put “years” to the word
78 “three”, and study three years in two words, the dancing horse will
79 tell you.
80 ARMADO.
81 A most fine figure!
82 MOTH.
83 [_Aside_.] To prove you a cipher.
84 ARMADO.
85 I will hereupon confess I am in love; and as it is base for a soldier
86 to love, so am I in love with a base wench. If drawing my sword against
87 the humour of affection would deliver me from the reprobate thought of
88 it, I would take desire prisoner, and ransom him to any French courtier
89 for a new-devised curtsy. I think scorn to sigh; methinks I should
90 outswear Cupid. Comfort me, boy. What great men have been in love?
91 MOTH.
92 Hercules, master.
93 ARMADO.
94 Most sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name more; and, sweet my
95 child, let them be men of good repute and carriage.
96 MOTH.
97 Samson, master. He was a man of good carriage, great carriage, for he
98 carried the town gates on his back like a porter, and he was in love.
99 ARMADO.
100 O well-knit Samson, strong-jointed Samson! I do excel thee in my rapier
101 as much as thou didst me in carrying gates. I am in love too. Who was
102 Samson’s love, my dear Moth?
103 MOTH.
104 A woman, master.
105 ARMADO.
106 Of what complexion?
107 MOTH.
108 Of all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the four.
109 ARMADO.
110 Tell me precisely of what complexion.
111 MOTH.
112 Of the sea-water green, sir.
113 ARMADO.
114 Is that one of the four complexions?
115 MOTH.
116 As I have read, sir; and the best of them too.
117 ARMADO.
118 Green indeed is the colour of lovers. But to have a love of that
119 colour, methinks Samson had small reason for it. He surely affected her
120 for her wit.
121 MOTH.
122 It was so, sir, for she had a green wit.
123 ARMADO.
124 My love is most immaculate white and red.
125 MOTH.
126 Most maculate thoughts, master, are masked under such colours.
127 ARMADO.
128 Define, define, well-educated infant.
129 MOTH.
130 My father’s wit and my mother’s tongue assist me!
131 ARMADO.
132 Sweet invocation of a child, most pretty, and pathetical!
133 MOTH.
134 If she be made of white and red,
135 Her faults will ne’er be known;
136 For blushing cheeks by faults are bred,
137 And fears by pale white shown.
138 Then if she fear, or be to blame,
139 By this you shall not know,
140 For still her cheeks possess the same
141 Which native she doth owe.
142 A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of white and red.
143 ARMADO.
144 Is there not a ballad, boy, of the King and the Beggar?
145 MOTH.
146 The world was very guilty of such a ballad some three ages since, but I
147 think now ’tis not to be found; or if it were, it would neither serve
148 for the writing nor the tune.
149 ARMADO.
150 I will have that subject newly writ o’er, that I may example my
151 digression by some mighty precedent. Boy, I do love that country girl
152 that I took in the park with the rational hind Costard. She deserves
153 well.
154 MOTH.
155 [_Aside_.] To be whipped: and yet a better love than my master.
156 ARMADO.
157 Sing, boy. My spirit grows heavy in love.
158 MOTH.
159 And that’s great marvel, loving a light wench.
160 ARMADO.
161 I say, sing.
162 MOTH.
163 Forbear till this company be past.
164 Enter Costard the Clown, Dull the Constable and Jaquenetta a Wench.
165 DULL.
166 Sir, the Duke’s pleasure is that you keep Costard safe; and you must
167 suffer him to take no delight, nor no penance, but he must fast three
168 days a week. For this damsel, I must keep her at the park. She is
169 allowed for the dey-woman. Fare you well.
170 ARMADO.
171 I do betray myself with blushing.—Maid.
172 JAQUENETTA.
173 Man.
174 ARMADO.
175 I will visit thee at the lodge.
176 JAQUENETTA.
177 That’s hereby.
178 ARMADO.
179 I know where it is situate.
180 JAQUENETTA.
181 Lord, how wise you are!
182 ARMADO.
183 I will tell thee wonders.
184 JAQUENETTA.
185 With that face?
186 ARMADO.
187 I love thee.
188 JAQUENETTA.
189 So I heard you say.
190 ARMADO.
191 And so, farewell.
192 JAQUENETTA.
193 Fair weather after you!
194 DULL.
195 Come, Jaquenetta, away.
196 [_Exeunt Dull and Jaquenetta._]
197 ARMADO.
198 Villain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou be pardoned.
199 COSTARD.
200 Well, sir, I hope when I do it I shall do it on a full stomach.
201 ARMADO.
202 Thou shalt be heavily punished.
203 COSTARD.
204 I am more bound to you than your fellows, for they are but lightly
205 rewarded.
206 ARMADO.
207 Take away this villain. Shut him up.
208 MOTH.
209 Come, you transgressing slave, away!
210 COSTARD.
211 Let me not be pent up, sir. I will fast being loose.
212 MOTH.
213 No, sir, that were fast and loose. Thou shalt to prison.
214 COSTARD.
215 Well, if ever I do see the merry days of desolation that I have seen,
216 some shall see.
217 MOTH.
218 What shall some see?
219 COSTARD.
220 Nay, nothing, Master Moth, but what they look upon. It is not for
221 prisoners to be too silent in their words, and therefore I will say
222 nothing. I thank God I have as little patience as another man, and
223 therefore I can be quiet.
224 [_Exeunt Moth and Costard._]
225 ARMADO.
226 I do affect the very ground, which is base, where her shoe, which is
227 baser, guided by her foot, which is basest, doth tread. I shall be
228 forsworn, which is a great argument of falsehood, if I love. And how
229 can that be true love which is falsely attempted? Love is a familiar;
230 Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love. Yet was Samson so
231 tempted, and he had an excellent strength; yet was Solomon so seduced,
232 and he had a very good wit. Cupid’s butt-shaft is too hard for
233 Hercules’ club, and therefore too much odds for a Spaniard’s rapier.
234 The first and second cause will not serve my turn; the _passado_ he
235 respects not, the _duello_ he regards not. His disgrace is to be called
236 boy, but his glory is to subdue men. Adieu, valour; rust, rapier; be
237 still, drum, for your manager is in love. Yea, he loveth. Assist me,
238 some extemporal god of rhyme, for I am sure I shall turn sonnet.
239 Devise, wit; write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.
240 [_Exit._]