Much Ado About Nothing

1 Enter Leonato, Antonio, Benedick, Beatrice,
2 Margaret, Ursula, Friar Francis and Hero.
3 FRIAR.
4 Did I not tell you she was innocent?
5 LEONATO.
6 So are the Prince and Claudio, who accus’d her
7 Upon the error that you heard debated:
8 But Margaret was in some fault for this,
9 Although against her will, as it appears
10 In the true course of all the question.
11 ANTONIO.
12 Well, I am glad that all things sort so well.
13 BENEDICK.
14 And so am I, being else by faith enforc’d
15 To call young Claudio to a reckoning for it.
16 LEONATO.
17 Well, daughter, and you gentlewomen all,
18 Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves,
19 And when I send for you, come hither mask’d:
20 The Prince and Claudio promis’d by this hour
21 To visit me.
22 [Exeunt Ladies.]
23 You know your office, brother;
24 You must be father to your brother’s daughter,
25 And give her to young Claudio.
26 ANTONIO.
27 Which I will do with confirm’d countenance.
28 BENEDICK.
29 Friar, I must entreat your pains, I think.
30 FRIAR.
31 To do what, signior?
32 BENEDICK.
33 To bind me, or undo me; one of them.
34 Signior Leonato, truth it is, good signior,
35 Your niece regards me with an eye of favour.
36 LEONATO.
37 That eye my daughter lent her. ’Tis most true.
38 BENEDICK.
39 And I do with an eye of love requite her.
40 LEONATO.
41 The sight whereof I think, you had from me,
42 From Claudio, and the Prince. But what’s your will?
43 BENEDICK.
44 Your answer, sir, is enigmatical:
45 But, for my will, my will is your good will
46 May stand with ours, this day to be conjoin’d
47 In the state of honourable marriage:
48 In which, good friar, I shall desire your help.
49 LEONATO.
50 My heart is with your liking.
51 FRIAR.
52 And my help. Here comes the Prince and Claudio.
53 Enter Don Pedro and Claudio,
54 with Attendants.
55 DON PEDRO.
56 Good morrow to this fair assembly.
57 LEONATO.
58 Good morrow, Prince; good morrow, Claudio:
59 We here attend you. Are you yet determin’d
60 Today to marry with my brother’s daughter?
61 CLAUDIO.
62 I’ll hold my mind, were she an Ethiope.
63 LEONATO.
64 Call her forth, brother: here’s the friar ready.
65 [Exit Antonio.]
66 DON PEDRO.
67 Good morrow, Benedick. Why, what’s the matter,
68 That you have such a February face,
69 So full of frost, of storm and cloudiness?
70 CLAUDIO.
71 I think he thinks upon the savage bull.
72 Tush! fear not, man, we’ll tip thy horns with gold,
73 And all Europa shall rejoice at thee,
74 As once Europa did at lusty Jove,
75 When he would play the noble beast in love.
76 BENEDICK.
77 Bull Jove, sir, had an amiable low:
78 And some such strange bull leap’d your father’s cow,
79 And got a calf in that same noble feat,
80 Much like to you, for you have just his bleat.
81 CLAUDIO.
82 For this I owe you: here comes other reckonings.
83 Re-enter Antonio, with the ladies masked.
84 Which is the lady I must seize upon?
85 ANTONIO.
86 This same is she, and I do give you her.
87 CLAUDIO.
88 Why then, she’s mine. Sweet, let me see your face.
89 LEONATO.
90 No, that you shall not, till you take her hand
91 Before this friar, and swear to marry her.
92 CLAUDIO.
93 Give me your hand: before this holy friar,
94 I am your husband, if you like of me.
95 HERO.
96 And when I liv’d, I was your other wife:
97 [Unmasking.] And when you lov’d, you were my other husband.
98 CLAUDIO.
99 Another Hero!
100 HERO.
101 Nothing certainer:
102 One Hero died defil’d, but I do live,
103 And surely as I live, I am a maid.
104 DON PEDRO.
105 The former Hero! Hero that is dead!
106 LEONATO.
107 She died, my lord, but whiles her slander liv’d.
108 FRIAR.
109 All this amazement can I qualify:
110 When after that the holy rites are ended,
111 I’ll tell you largely of fair Hero’s death:
112 Meantime, let wonder seem familiar,
113 And to the chapel let us presently.
114 BENEDICK.
115 Soft and fair, friar. Which is Beatrice?
116 BEATRICE.
117 [Unmasking.] I answer to that name. What is your will?
118 BENEDICK.
119 Do not you love me?
120 BEATRICE.
121 Why, no; no more than reason.
122 BENEDICK.
123 Why, then, your uncle and the Prince and Claudio
124 Have been deceived; for they swore you did.
125 BEATRICE.
126 Do not you love me?
127 BENEDICK.
128 Troth, no; no more than reason.
129 BEATRICE.
130 Why, then my cousin, Margaret, and Ursula,
131 Are much deceiv’d; for they did swear you did.
132 BENEDICK.
133 They swore that you were almost sick for me.
134 BEATRICE.
135 They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me.
136 BENEDICK.
137 ’Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me?
138 BEATRICE.
139 No, truly, but in friendly recompense.
140 LEONATO.
141 Come, cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman.
142 CLAUDIO.
143 And I’ll be sworn upon ’t that he loves her;
144 For here’s a paper written in his hand,
145 A halting sonnet of his own pure brain,
146 Fashion’d to Beatrice.
147 HERO.
148 And here’s another,
149 Writ in my cousin’s hand, stolen from her pocket,
150 Containing her affection unto Benedick.
151 BENEDICK.
152 A miracle! here’s our own hands against our hearts. Come,
153 I will have thee; but, by this light, I take thee for pity.
154 BEATRICE.
155 I would not deny you; but, by this good day, I yield upon great
156 persuasion, and partly to save your life, for I was told you were in a
157 consumption.
158 BENEDICK.
159 Peace! I will stop your mouth. [Kisses her.]
160 DON PEDRO.
161 How dost thou, Benedick, the married man?
162 BENEDICK.
163 I’ll tell thee what, Prince; a college of witcrackers cannot flout me
164 out of my humour. Dost thou think I care for a satire or an epigram?
165 No; if man will be beaten with brains, a’ shall wear nothing handsome
166 about him. In brief, since I do purpose to marry, I will think nothing
167 to any purpose that the world can say against it; and therefore never
168 flout at me for what I have said against it, for man is a giddy thing,
169 and this is my conclusion. For thy part, Claudio, I did think to have
170 beaten thee; but, in that thou art like to be my kinsman, live
171 unbruised, and love my cousin.
172 CLAUDIO.
173 I had well hoped thou wouldst have denied Beatrice, that I might
174 have cudgelled thee out of thy single life, to make thee a double-dealer;
175 which, out of question, thou wilt be, if my cousin do not look exceeding
176 narrowly to thee.
177 BENEDICK.
178 Come, come, we are friends. Let’s have a dance ere we are
179 married, that we may lighten our own hearts and our wives’ heels.
180 LEONATO.
181 We’ll have dancing afterward.
182 BENEDICK.
183 First, of my word; therefore play, music! Prince, thou art sad;
184 get thee a wife, get thee a wife: there is no staff more reverent than one
185 tipped with horn.
186 Enter Messenger.
187 MESSENGER.
188 My lord, your brother John is ta’en in flight,
189 And brought with armed men back to Messina.
190 BENEDICK.
191 Think not on him till tomorrow: I’ll devise thee
192 brave punishments for him. Strike up, pipers!
193 [Dance. Exeunt.]