The Comedy Of Errors

1 Enter Adriana, wife to Antipholus (of Ephesus) with Luciana her
2 sister.
3 ADRIANA.
4 Neither my husband nor the slave return’d
5 That in such haste I sent to seek his master?
6 Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock.
7 LUCIANA.
8 Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,
9 And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner.
10 Good sister, let us dine, and never fret;
11 A man is master of his liberty;
12 Time is their master, and when they see time,
13 They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister.
14 ADRIANA.
15 Why should their liberty than ours be more?
16 LUCIANA.
17 Because their business still lies out o’ door.
18 ADRIANA.
19 Look when I serve him so, he takes it ill.
20 LUCIANA.
21 O, know he is the bridle of your will.
22 ADRIANA.
23 There’s none but asses will be bridled so.
24 LUCIANA.
25 Why, headstrong liberty is lash’d with woe.
26 There’s nothing situate under heaven’s eye
27 But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in sky.
28 The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls
29 Are their males’ subjects, and at their controls.
30 Man, more divine, the masters of all these,
31 Lord of the wide world and wild wat’ry seas,
32 Indued with intellectual sense and souls,
33 Of more pre-eminence than fish and fowls,
34 Are masters to their females, and their lords:
35 Then let your will attend on their accords.
36 ADRIANA.
37 This servitude makes you to keep unwed.
38 LUCIANA.
39 Not this, but troubles of the marriage-bed.
40 ADRIANA.
41 But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway.
42 LUCIANA.
43 Ere I learn love, I’ll practise to obey.
44 ADRIANA.
45 How if your husband start some other where?
46 LUCIANA.
47 Till he come home again, I would forbear.
48 ADRIANA.
49 Patience unmov’d! No marvel though she pause;
50 They can be meek that have no other cause.
51 A wretched soul bruis’d with adversity,
52 We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
53 But were we burd’ned with like weight of pain,
54 As much, or more, we should ourselves complain:
55 So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
56 With urging helpless patience would relieve me:
57 But if thou live to see like right bereft,
58 This fool-begg’d patience in thee will be left.
59 LUCIANA.
60 Well, I will marry one day, but to try.
61 Here comes your man, now is your husband nigh.
62 Enter Dromio of Ephesus.
63 ADRIANA.
64 Say, is your tardy master now at hand?
65 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
66 Nay, he’s at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness.
67 ADRIANA.
68 Say, didst thou speak with him? know’st thou his mind?
69 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
70 Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear.
71 Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
72 LUCIANA.
73 Spake he so doubtfully thou couldst not feel his meaning?
74 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
75 Nay, he struck so plainly I could too well feel his blows; and withal
76 so doubtfully that I could scarce understand them.
77 ADRIANA.
78 But say, I prithee, is he coming home?
79 It seems he hath great care to please his wife.
80 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
81 Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.
82 ADRIANA.
83 Horn-mad, thou villain?
84 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
85 I mean not cuckold-mad,
86 But sure he’s stark mad.
87 When I desir’d him to come home to dinner,
88 He ask’d me for a thousand marks in gold.
89 “’Tis dinner time,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.
90 “Your meat doth burn” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.
91 “Will you come home?” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.
92 “Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?”
93 “The pig” quoth I “is burn’d”. “My gold,” quoth he.
94 “My mistress, sir,” quoth I. “Hang up thy mistress;
95 I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!”
96 LUCIANA.
97 Quoth who?
98 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
99 Quoth my master.
100 “I know,” quoth he, “no house, no wife, no mistress.”
101 So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
102 I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;
103 For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
104 ADRIANA.
105 Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.
106 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
107 Go back again, and be new beaten home?
108 For God’s sake, send some other messenger.
109 ADRIANA.
110 Back slave, or I will break thy pate across.
111 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
112 And he will bless that cross with other beating.
113 Between you I shall have a holy head.
114 ADRIANA.
115 Hence, prating peasant. Fetch thy master home.
116 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
117 Am I so round with you, as you with me,
118 That like a football you do spurn me thus?
119 You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither.
120 If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.
121 [_Exit._]
122 LUCIANA.
123 Fie, how impatience loureth in your face.
124 ADRIANA.
125 His company must do his minions grace,
126 Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
127 Hath homely age th’ alluring beauty took
128 From my poor cheek? then he hath wasted it.
129 Are my discourses dull? barren my wit?
130 If voluble and sharp discourse be marr’d,
131 Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard.
132 Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
133 That’s not my fault; he’s master of my state.
134 What ruins are in me that can be found
135 By him not ruin’d? Then is he the ground
136 Of my defeatures. My decayed fair
137 A sunny look of his would soon repair;
138 But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale
139 And feeds from home; poor I am but his stale.
140 LUCIANA.
141 Self-harming jealousy! fie, beat it hence.
142 ADRIANA.
143 Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.
144 I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
145 Or else what lets it but he would be here?
146 Sister, you know he promis’d me a chain;
147 Would that alone, a love he would detain,
148 So he would keep fair quarter with his bed.
149 I see the jewel best enamelled
150 Will lose his beauty; yet the gold bides still
151 That others touch, yet often touching will
152 Wear gold; and no man that hath a name
153 By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
154 Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
155 I’ll weep what’s left away, and weeping die.
156 LUCIANA.
157 How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!
158 [_Exeunt._]