The Life And Death Of King John

1 Enter King John, Queen Eleanor, Pembroke, Essex, Salisbury and others
2 with Chatillion.
3 KING JOHN.
4 Now, say, Chatillion, what would France with us?
5 CHATILLION.
6 Thus, after greeting, speaks the King of France
7 In my behaviour to the majesty,
8 The borrow’d majesty, of England here.
9 QUEEN ELEANOR.
10 A strange beginning: “borrow’d majesty”!
11 KING JOHN.
12 Silence, good mother; hear the embassy.
13 CHATILLION.
14 Philip of France, in right and true behalf
15 Of thy deceased brother Geoffrey’s son,
16 Arthur Plantagenet, lays most lawful claim
17 To this fair island and the territories,
18 To Ireland, Poitiers, Anjou, Touraine, Maine,
19 Desiring thee to lay aside the sword
20 Which sways usurpingly these several titles,
21 And put the same into young Arthur’s hand,
22 Thy nephew and right royal sovereign.
23 KING JOHN.
24 What follows if we disallow of this?
25 CHATILLION.
26 The proud control of fierce and bloody war,
27 To enforce these rights so forcibly withheld.
28 KING JOHN.
29 Here have we war for war and blood for blood,
30 Controlment for controlment: so answer France.
31 CHATILLION.
32 Then take my king’s defiance from my mouth,
33 The farthest limit of my embassy.
34 KING JOHN.
35 Bear mine to him, and so depart in peace.
36 Be thou as lightning in the eyes of France,
37 For ere thou canst report, I will be there,
38 The thunder of my cannon shall be heard.
39 So, hence! Be thou the trumpet of our wrath
40 And sullen presage of your own decay.—
41 An honourable conduct let him have.
42 Pembroke, look to ’t. Farewell, Chatillion.
43 [_Exeunt Chatillion and Pembroke._]
44 QUEEN ELEANOR.
45 What now, my son! Have I not ever said
46 How that ambitious Constance would not cease
47 Till she had kindled France and all the world
48 Upon the right and party of her son?
49 This might have been prevented and made whole
50 With very easy arguments of love,
51 Which now the manage of two kingdoms must
52 With fearful bloody issue arbitrate.
53 KING JOHN.
54 Our strong possession and our right for us.
55 QUEEN ELEANOR.
56 Your strong possession much more than your right,
57 Or else it must go wrong with you and me:
58 So much my conscience whispers in your ear,
59 Which none but heaven and you and I shall hear.
60 Enter a Sheriff, who whispers to Essex.
61 ESSEX.
62 My liege, here is the strangest controversy,
63 Come from the country to be judg’d by you,
64 That e’er I heard. Shall I produce the men?
65 KING JOHN.
66 Let them approach.
67 [_Exit Sheriff._]
68 Our abbeys and our priories shall pay
69 This expedition’s charge.
70 Enter Robert Faulconbridge and Philip, his Bastard brother.
71 What men are you?
72 BASTARD.
73 Your faithful subject I, a gentleman
74 Born in Northamptonshire, and eldest son,
75 As I suppose, to Robert Faulconbridge,
76 A soldier by the honour-giving hand
77 Of Cœur-de-lion knighted in the field.
78 KING JOHN.
79 What art thou?
80 ROBERT.
81 The son and heir to that same Faulconbridge.
82 KING JOHN.
83 Is that the elder, and art thou the heir?
84 You came not of one mother then, it seems.
85 BASTARD.
86 Most certain of one mother, mighty king;
87 That is well known; and, as I think, one father.
88 But for the certain knowledge of that truth
89 I put you o’er to heaven and to my mother.
90 Of that I doubt, as all men’s children may.
91 QUEEN ELEANOR.
92 Out on thee, rude man! Thou dost shame thy mother
93 And wound her honour with this diffidence.
94 BASTARD.
95 I, madam? No, I have no reason for it;
96 That is my brother’s plea, and none of mine;
97 The which if he can prove, he pops me out
98 At least from fair five hundred pound a year.
99 Heaven guard my mother’s honour and my land!
100 KING JOHN.
101 A good blunt fellow. Why, being younger born,
102 Doth he lay claim to thine inheritance?
103 BASTARD.
104 I know not why, except to get the land.
105 But once he slander’d me with bastardy.
106 But whe’er I be as true begot or no,
107 That still I lay upon my mother’s head;
108 But that I am as well begot, my liege—
109 Fair fall the bones that took the pains for me!—
110 Compare our faces and be judge yourself.
111 If old Sir Robert did beget us both
112 And were our father, and this son like him,
113 O old Sir Robert, father, on my knee
114 I give heaven thanks I was not like to thee!
115 KING JOHN.
116 Why, what a madcap hath heaven lent us here!
117 QUEEN ELEANOR.
118 He hath a trick of Cœur-de-lion’s face;
119 The accent of his tongue affecteth him.
120 Do you not read some tokens of my son
121 In the large composition of this man?
122 KING JOHN.
123 Mine eye hath well examined his parts
124 And finds them perfect Richard. Sirrah, speak,
125 What doth move you to claim your brother’s land?
126 BASTARD.
127 Because he hath a half-face, like my father.
128 With half that face would he have all my land:
129 A half-fac’d groat five hundred pound a year!
130 ROBERT.
131 My gracious liege, when that my father liv’d,
132 Your brother did employ my father much—
133 BASTARD.
134 Well, sir, by this you cannot get my land.
135 Your tale must be how he employ’d my mother.
136 ROBERT.
137 And once dispatch’d him in an embassy
138 To Germany, there with the emperor
139 To treat of high affairs touching that time.
140 Th’ advantage of his absence took the King
141 And in the meantime sojourn’d at my father’s;
142 Where how he did prevail I shame to speak;
143 But truth is truth: large lengths of seas and shores
144 Between my father and my mother lay,
145 As I have heard my father speak himself,
146 When this same lusty gentleman was got.
147 Upon his death-bed he by will bequeath’d
148 His lands to me, and took it, on his death
149 That this my mother’s son was none of his;
150 And if he were, he came into the world
151 Full fourteen weeks before the course of time.
152 Then, good my liege, let me have what is mine,
153 My father’s land, as was my father’s will.
154 KING JOHN.
155 Sirrah, your brother is legitimate;
156 Your father’s wife did after wedlock bear him,
157 And if she did play false, the fault was hers;
158 Which fault lies on the hazards of all husbands
159 That marry wives. Tell me, how if my brother,
160 Who, as you say, took pains to get this son,
161 Had of your father claim’d this son for his?
162 In sooth, good friend, your father might have kept
163 This calf, bred from his cow, from all the world;
164 In sooth, he might; then, if he were my brother’s,
165 My brother might not claim him; nor your father,
166 Being none of his, refuse him. This concludes;
167 My mother’s son did get your father’s heir;
168 Your father’s heir must have your father’s land.
169 ROBERT.
170 Shall then my father’s will be of no force
171 To dispossess that child which is not his?
172 BASTARD.
173 Of no more force to dispossess me, sir,
174 Than was his will to get me, as I think.
175 QUEEN ELEANOR.
176 Whether hadst thou rather be: a Faulconbridge
177 And like thy brother, to enjoy thy land,
178 Or the reputed son of Cœur-de-lion,
179 Lord of thy presence and no land besides?
180 BASTARD.
181 Madam, and if my brother had my shape
182 And I had his, Sir Robert’s his, like him;
183 And if my legs were two such riding-rods,
184 My arms such eel-skins stuff’d, my face so thin
185 That in mine ear I durst not stick a rose
186 Lest men should say “Look where three-farthings goes!”
187 And, to his shape, were heir to all this land,
188 Would I might never stir from off this place,
189 I would give it every foot to have this face.
190 I would not be Sir Nob in any case.
191 QUEEN ELEANOR.
192 I like thee well. Wilt thou forsake thy fortune,
193 Bequeath thy land to him, and follow me?
194 I am a soldier and now bound to France.
195 BASTARD.
196 Brother, take you my land, I’ll take my chance.
197 Your face hath got five hundred pound a year,
198 Yet sell your face for five pence and ’tis dear.
199 Madam, I’ll follow you unto the death.
200 QUEEN ELEANOR.
201 Nay, I would have you go before me thither.
202 BASTARD.
203 Our country manners give our betters way.
204 KING JOHN.
205 What is thy name?
206 BASTARD.
207 Philip, my liege, so is my name begun;
208 Philip, good old Sir Robert’s wife’s eldest son.
209 KING JOHN.
210 From henceforth bear his name whose form thou bearest.
211 Kneel thou down Philip, but rise more great,
212 Arise Sir Richard and Plantagenet.
213 BASTARD.
214 Brother by th’ mother’s side, give me your hand.
215 My father gave me honour, yours gave land.
216 Now blessed be the hour, by night or day,
217 When I was got, Sir Robert was away!
218 QUEEN ELEANOR.
219 The very spirit of Plantagenet!
220 I am thy grandam, Richard; call me so.
221 BASTARD.
222 Madam, by chance but not by truth; what though?
223 Something about, a little from the right,
224 In at the window, or else o’er the hatch.
225 Who dares not stir by day must walk by night,
226 And have is have, however men do catch.
227 Near or far off, well won is still well shot,
228 And I am I, howe’er I was begot.
229 KING JOHN.
230 Go, Faulconbridge; now hast thou thy desire.
231 A landless knight makes thee a landed squire.
232 Come, madam, and come, Richard, we must speed
233 For France, for France, for it is more than need.
234 BASTARD.
235 Brother, adieu, good fortune come to thee!
236 For thou wast got i’ th’ way of honesty.
237 [_Exeunt all but the Bastard._]
238 A foot of honour better than I was,
239 But many a many foot of land the worse.
240 Well, now can I make any Joan a lady.
241 “Good den, Sir Richard!” “God-a-mercy, fellow!”
242 And if his name be George, I’ll call him Peter;
243 For new-made honour doth forget men’s names:
244 ’Tis too respective and too sociable
245 For your conversion. Now your traveller,
246 He and his toothpick at my worship’s mess,
247 And when my knightly stomach is suffic’d,
248 Why then I suck my teeth and catechize
249 My picked man of countries: “My dear sir,”
250 Thus leaning on mine elbow I begin,
251 “I shall beseech you”—that is Question now;
252 And then comes Answer like an absey book:
253 “O sir,” says Answer “at your best command;
254 At your employment; at your service, sir.”
255 “No, sir,” says Question, “I, sweet sir, at yours.”
256 And so, ere Answer knows what Question would,
257 Saving in dialogue of compliment,
258 And talking of the Alps and Apennines,
259 The Pyrenean and the river Po,
260 It draws toward supper in conclusion so.
261 But this is worshipful society,
262 And fits the mounting spirit like myself;
263 For he is but a bastard to the time
264 That doth not smack of observation,
265 And so am I, whether I smack or no;
266 And not alone in habit and device,
267 Exterior form, outward accoutrement,
268 But from the inward motion to deliver
269 Sweet, sweet, sweet poison for the age’s tooth,
270 Which, though I will not practise to deceive,
271 Yet, to avoid deceit, I mean to learn;
272 For it shall strew the footsteps of my rising.
273 But who comes in such haste in riding-robes?
274 What woman-post is this? Hath she no husband
275 That will take pains to blow a horn before her?
276 Enter Lady Faulconbridge and James Gurney.
277 O me, ’tis my mother!—How now, good lady?
278 What brings you here to court so hastily?
279 LADY FAULCONBRIDGE.
280 Where is that slave, thy brother? Where is he
281 That holds in chase mine honour up and down?
282 BASTARD.
283 My brother Robert, old Sir Robert’s son?
284 Colbrand the giant, that same mighty man?
285 Is it Sir Robert’s son that you seek so?
286 LADY FAULCONBRIDGE.
287 Sir Robert’s son! Ay, thou unreverend boy,
288 Sir Robert’s son. Why scorn’st thou at Sir Robert?
289 He is Sir Robert’s son, and so art thou.
290 BASTARD.
291 James Gurney, wilt thou give us leave awhile?
292 GURNEY.
293 Good leave, good Philip.
294 BASTARD.
295 Philip?—sparrow!—James,
296 There’s toys abroad. Anon I’ll tell thee more.
297 [_Exit Gurney._]
298 Madam, I was not old Sir Robert’s son.
299 Sir Robert might have eat his part in me
300 Upon Good Friday, and ne’er broke his fast.
301 Sir Robert could do well—marry, to confess—
302 Could … get me. Sir Robert could not do it.
303 We know his handiwork. Therefore, good mother,
304 To whom am I beholding for these limbs?
305 Sir Robert never holp to make this leg.
306 LADY FAULCONBRIDGE.
307 Hast thou conspired with thy brother too,
308 That for thine own gain shouldst defend mine honour?
309 What means this scorn, thou most untoward knave?
310 BASTARD.
311 Knight, knight, good mother, Basilisco-like.
312 What! I am dubb’d! I have it on my shoulder.
313 But, mother, I am not Sir Robert’s son.
314 I have disclaim’d Sir Robert and my land;
315 Legitimation, name, and all is gone.
316 Then, good my mother, let me know my father—
317 Some proper man, I hope. Who was it, mother?
318 LADY FAULCONBRIDGE.
319 Hast thou denied thyself a Faulconbridge?
320 BASTARD.
321 As faithfully as I deny the devil.
322 LADY FAULCONBRIDGE.
323 King Richard Cœur-de-lion was thy father.
324 By long and vehement suit I was seduc’d
325 To make room for him in my husband’s bed.
326 Heaven lay not my transgression to my charge!
327 Thou art the issue of my dear offence,
328 Which was so strongly urg’d, past my defence.
329 BASTARD.
330 Now, by this light, were I to get again,
331 Madam, I would not wish a better father.
332 Some sins do bear their privilege on earth,
333 And so doth yours. Your fault was not your folly.
334 Needs must you lay your heart at his dispose,
335 Subjected tribute to commanding love,
336 Against whose fury and unmatched force
337 The aweless lion could not wage the fight,
338 Nor keep his princely heart from Richard’s hand.
339 He that perforce robs lions of their hearts
340 May easily win a woman’s. Ay, my mother,
341 With all my heart I thank thee for my father!
342 Who lives and dares but say thou didst not well
343 When I was got, I’ll send his soul to hell.
344 Come, lady, I will show thee to my kin;
345 And they shall say when Richard me begot,
346 If thou hadst said him nay, it had been sin.
347 Who says it was, he lies. I say ’twas not.
348 [_Exeunt._]