The Life Of King Henry The Fifth

1 Enter Corporal Nym and Lieutenant Bardolph.
2 BARDOLPH.
3 Well met, Corporal Nym.
4 NYM.
5 Good morrow, Lieutenant Bardolph.
6 BARDOLPH.
7 What, are Ancient Pistol and you friends yet?
8 NYM.
9 For my part, I care not. I say little; but when time shall serve, there
10 shall be smiles; but that shall be as it may. I dare not fight, but I
11 will wink and hold out mine iron. It is a simple one, but what though?
12 It will toast cheese, and it will endure cold as another man’s sword
13 will; and there’s an end.
14 BARDOLPH.
15 I will bestow a breakfast to make you friends; and we’ll be all three
16 sworn brothers to France. Let it be so, good Corporal Nym.
17 NYM.
18 Faith, I will live so long as I may, that’s the certain of it; and when
19 I cannot live any longer, I will do as I may. That is my rest, that is
20 the rendezvous of it.
21 BARDOLPH.
22 It is certain, corporal, that he is married to Nell Quickly; and
23 certainly she did you wrong, for you were troth-plight to her.
24 NYM.
25 I cannot tell. Things must be as they may. Men may sleep, and they may
26 have their throats about them at that time; and some say knives have
27 edges. It must be as it may. Though patience be a tired mare, yet she
28 will plod. There must be conclusions. Well, I cannot tell.
29 Enter Pistol and Hostess.
30 BARDOLPH.
31 Here comes Ancient Pistol and his wife. Good Corporal, be patient here.
32 How now, mine host Pistol!
33 PISTOL.
34 Base tike, call’st thou me host?
35 Now, by this hand, I swear I scorn the term;
36 Nor shall my Nell keep lodgers.
37 HOSTESS.
38 No, by my troth, not long; for we cannot lodge and board a dozen or
39 fourteen gentlewomen that live honestly by the prick of their needles,
40 but it will be thought we keep a bawdy house straight. [_Nym and Pistol
41 draw._] O well a day, Lady, if he be not drawn now! We shall see wilful
42 adultery and murder committed.
43 BARDOLPH.
44 Good Lieutenant! good corporal! offer nothing here.
45 NYM.
46 Pish!
47 PISTOL.
48 Pish for thee, Iceland dog! thou prick-ear’d cur of Iceland!
49 HOSTESS.
50 Good Corporal Nym, show thy valour, and put up your sword.
51 NYM.
52 Will you shog off? I would have you _solus_.
53 PISTOL.
54 _Solus_, egregious dog! O viper vile!
55 The _solus_ in thy most mervailous face;
56 The _solus_ in thy teeth, and in thy throat,
57 And in thy hateful lungs, yea, in thy maw, perdy,
58 And, which is worse, within thy nasty mouth!
59 I do retort the _solus_ in thy bowels;
60 For I can take, and Pistol’s cock is up,
61 And flashing fire will follow.
62 NYM.
63 I am not Barbason; you cannot conjure me. I have an humour to knock you
64 indifferently well. If you grow foul with me, Pistol, I will scour you
65 with my rapier, as I may, in fair terms. If you would walk off, I would
66 prick your guts a little, in good terms, as I may; and that’s the
67 humour of it.
68 PISTOL.
69 O braggart vile and damned furious wight!
70 The grave doth gape, and doting death is near,
71 Therefore exhale.
72 BARDOLPH.
73 Hear me, hear me what I say. He that strikes the first stroke I’ll run
74 him up to the hilts, as I am a soldier.
75 [_Draws._]
76 PISTOL.
77 An oath of mickle might; and fury shall abate.
78 Give me thy fist, thy fore-foot to me give.
79 Thy spirits are most tall.
80 NYM.
81 I will cut thy throat, one time or other, in fair terms: that is the
82 humour of it.
83 PISTOL.
84 “Couple a gorge!”
85 That is the word. I thee defy again.
86 O hound of Crete, think’st thou my spouse to get?
87 No! to the spital go,
88 And from the powdering tub of infamy
89 Fetch forth the lazar kite of Cressid’s kind,
90 Doll Tearsheet she by name, and her espouse.
91 I have, and I will hold, the quondam Quickly
92 For the only she; and _pauca_, there’s enough.
93 Go to.
94 Enter the Boy.
95 BOY.
96 Mine host Pistol, you must come to my master, and you, hostess. He is
97 very sick, and would to bed. Good Bardolph, put thy face between his
98 sheets, and do the office of a warming-pan. Faith, he’s very ill.
99 BARDOLPH.
100 Away, you rogue!
101 HOSTESS.
102 By my troth, he’ll yield the crow a pudding one of these days.
103 The King has kill’d his heart.
104 Good husband, come home presently.
105 [_Exeunt Hostess and Boy._]
106 BARDOLPH.
107 Come, shall I make you two friends? We must to France together; why the
108 devil should we keep knives to cut one another’s throats?
109 PISTOL.
110 Let floods o’erswell, and fiends for food howl on!
111 NYM.
112 You’ll pay me the eight shillings I won of you at betting?
113 PISTOL.
114 Base is the slave that pays.
115 NYM.
116 That now I will have: that’s the humour of it.
117 PISTOL.
118 As manhood shall compound. Push home.
119 [_They draw._]
120 BARDOLPH.
121 By this sword, he that makes the first thrust, I’ll kill him; by this
122 sword, I will.
123 PISTOL.
124 Sword is an oath, and oaths must have their course.
125 BARDOLPH.
126 Corporal Nym, and thou wilt be friends, be friends; an thou wilt not,
127 why, then, be enemies with me too. Prithee, put up.
128 NYM.
129 I shall have my eight shillings I won from you at betting?
130 PISTOL.
131 A noble shalt thou have, and present pay;
132 And liquor likewise will I give to thee,
133 And friendship shall combine, and brotherhood.
134 I’ll live by Nym, and Nym shall live by me.
135 Is not this just? For I shall sutler be
136 Unto the camp, and profits will accrue.
137 Give me thy hand.
138 NYM.
139 I shall have my noble?
140 PISTOL.
141 In cash most justly paid.
142 NYM.
143 Well, then, that’s the humour of’t.
144 Enter Hostess.
145 HOSTESS.
146 As ever you come of women, come in quickly to Sir John.
147 Ah, poor heart! he is so shak’d of a burning quotidian tertian,
148 that it is most lamentable to behold. Sweet men, come to him.
149 NYM.
150 The King hath run bad humours on the knight; that’s the even of it.
151 PISTOL.
152 Nym, thou hast spoke the right.
153 His heart is fracted and corroborate.
154 NYM.
155 The King is a good king; but it must be as it may; he passes some
156 humours and careers.
157 PISTOL.
158 Let us condole the knight; for, lambkins, we will live.
159 [_Exeunt._]