The Second Part Of King Henry The Fourth

1 Enter Shallow and Silence, meeting; Mouldy, Shadow, Wart, Feeble,
2 Bullcalf, a Servant or two with them.
3 SHALLOW.
4 Come on, come on, come on. Give me your hand, sir, give me your hand,
5 sir. An early stirrer, by the rood! And how doth my good cousin
6 Silence?
7 SILENCE.
8 Good morrow, good cousin Shallow.
9 SHALLOW.
10 And how doth my cousin, your bedfellow? And your fairest daughter and
11 mine, my god-daughter Ellen?
12 SILENCE.
13 Alas, a black ousel, cousin Shallow!
14 SHALLOW.
15 By yea and no, sir, I dare say my cousin William is become a good
16 scholar. He is at Oxford still, is he not?
17 SILENCE.
18 Indeed, sir, to my cost.
19 SHALLOW.
20 He must, then, to the Inns o’ Court shortly. I was once of Clement’s
21 Inn, where I think they will talk of mad Shallow yet.
22 SILENCE.
23 You were called “lusty Shallow” then, cousin.
24 SHALLOW.
25 By the mass, I was called anything, and I would have done anything
26 indeed too, and roundly too. There was I, and little John Doit of
27 Staffordshire, and black George Barnes, and Francis Pickbone, and Will
28 Squele, a Cotswold man. You had not four such swinge-bucklers in all
29 the Inns o’ Court again. And I may say to you, we knew where the
30 bona-robas were and had the best of them all at commandment. Then was
31 Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, a boy, and page to Thomas Mowbray, Duke of
32 Norfolk.
33 SILENCE.
34 This Sir John, cousin, that comes hither anon about soldiers?
35 SHALLOW.
36 The same Sir John, the very same. I see him break Scoggin’s head at the
37 court gate, when he was a crack not thus high; and the very same day
38 did I fight with one Sampson Stockfish, a fruiterer, behind Gray’s Inn.
39 Jesu, Jesu, the mad days that I have spent! And to see how many of my
40 old acquaintance are dead!
41 SILENCE.
42 We shall all follow, cousin.
43 SHALLOW.
44 Certain, ’tis certain, very sure, very sure. Death, as the Psalmist
45 saith, is certain to all, all shall die. How a good yoke of bullocks at
46 Stamford fair?
47 SILENCE.
48 By my troth, I was not there.
49 SHALLOW.
50 Death is certain. Is old Double of your town living yet?
51 SILENCE.
52 Dead, sir.
53 SHALLOW.
54 Jesu, Jesu, dead! He drew a good bow, and dead! He shot a fine shoot.
55 John a Gaunt loved him well, and betted much money on his head. Dead!
56 He would have clapped i’ th’ clout at twelve score, and carried you a
57 forehand shaft a fourteen and fourteen and a half, that it would have
58 done a man’s heart good to see. How a score of ewes now?
59 SILENCE.
60 Thereafter as they be; a score of good ewes may be worth ten pounds.
61 SHALLOW.
62 And is old Double dead?
63 SILENCE.
64 Here come two of Sir John Falstaff’s men, as I think.
65 Enter Bardolph and one with him.
66 SHALLOW.
67 Good morrow, honest gentlemen.
68 BARDOLPH.
69 I beseech you, which is Justice Shallow?
70 SHALLOW.
71 I am Robert Shallow, sir, a poor esquire of this county, and one of the
72 King’s justices of the peace. What is your good pleasure with me?
73 BARDOLPH.
74 My captain, sir, commends him to you, my captain, Sir John Falstaff, a
75 tall gentleman, by heaven, and a most gallant leader.
76 SHALLOW.
77 He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword man. How doth the
78 good knight? May I ask how my lady his wife doth?
79 BARDOLPH.
80 Sir, pardon. A soldier is better accommodated than with a wife.
81 SHALLOW.
82 It is well said, in faith, sir, and it is well said indeed too. “Better
83 accommodated!” It is good, yea indeed, is it. Good phrases are surely,
84 and ever were, very commendable. “Accommodated.” It comes of
85 _accommodo_. Very good, a good phrase.
86 BARDOLPH.
87 Pardon, sir, I have heard the word—phrase call you it? By this day, I
88 know not the phrase, but I will maintain the word with my sword to be a
89 soldier-like word, and a word of exceeding good command, by heaven.
90 Accommodated, that is when a man is, as they say, accommodated, or when
91 a man is being whereby he may be thought to be accommodated; which is
92 an excellent thing.
93 SHALLOW.
94 It is very just.
95 Enter Falstaff.
96 Look, here comes good Sir John. Give me your good hand, give me your
97 worship’s good hand. By my troth, you like well and bear your years
98 very well. Welcome, good Sir John.
99 FALSTAFF.
100 I am glad to see you well, good Master Robert Shallow. Master Surecard,
101 as I think?
102 SHALLOW.
103 No, Sir John, it is my cousin Silence, in commission with me.
104 FALSTAFF.
105 Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be of the peace.
106 SILENCE.
107 Your good worship is welcome.
108 FALSTAFF.
109 Fie, this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you provided me here half a
110 dozen sufficient men?
111 SHALLOW.
112 Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit?
113 FALSTAFF.
114 Let me see them, I beseech you.
115 SHALLOW.
116 Where’s the roll? Where’s the roll? Where’s the roll? Let me see, let
117 me see, let me see. So, so, so, so, so, so, so. Yea, marry, sir: Ralph
118 Mouldy! Let them appear as I call; let them do so, let them do so. Let
119 me see; where is Mouldy?
120 MOULDY.
121 Here, an it please you.
122 SHALLOW.
123 What think you, Sir John? A good-limbed fellow, young, strong, and of
124 good friends.
125 FALSTAFF.
126 Is thy name Mouldy?
127 MOULDY.
128 Yea, an’t please you.
129 FALSTAFF.
130 ’Tis the more time thou wert used.
131 SHALLOW.
132 Ha, ha, ha! most excellent, i’ faith! Things that are mouldy lack use.
133 Very singular good, in faith, well said, Sir John, very well said.
134 FALSTAFF.
135 Prick him.
136 MOULDY.
137 I was pricked well enough before, an you could have let me alone. My
138 old dame will be undone now for one to do her husbandry and her
139 drudgery. You need not to have pricked me, there are other men fitter
140 to go out than I.
141 FALSTAFF.
142 Go to. Peace, Mouldy; you shall go. Mouldy, it is time you were spent.
143 MOULDY.
144 Spent?
145 SHALLOW.
146 Peace, fellow, peace. Stand aside. Know you where you are? For
147 th’other, Sir John. Let me see: Simon Shadow!
148 FALSTAFF.
149 Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under. He’s like to be a cold
150 soldier.
151 SHALLOW.
152 Where’s Shadow?
153 SHADOW.
154 Here, sir.
155 FALSTAFF.
156 Shadow, whose son art thou?
157 SHADOW.
158 My mother’s son, sir.
159 FALSTAFF.
160 Thy mother’s son! Like enough, and thy father’s shadow. So the son of
161 the female is the shadow of the male. It is often so indeed, but much
162 of the father’s substance!
163 SHALLOW.
164 Do you like him, Sir John?
165 FALSTAFF.
166 Shadow will serve for summer. Prick him, for we have a number of
167 shadows to fill up the muster-book.
168 SHALLOW.
169 Thomas Wart!
170 FALSTAFF.
171 Where’s he?
172 WART.
173 Here, sir.
174 FALSTAFF.
175 Is thy name Wart?
176 WART.
177 Yea, sir.
178 FALSTAFF.
179 Thou art a very ragged wart.
180 SHALLOW.
181 Shall I prick him, Sir John?
182 FALSTAFF.
183 It were superfluous, for his apparel is built upon his back, and the
184 whole frame stands upon pins. Prick him no more.
185 SHALLOW.
186 Ha, ha, ha! You can do it, sir, you can do it. I commend you well.
187 Francis Feeble!
188 FEEBLE.
189 Here, sir.
190 FALSTAFF.
191 What trade art thou, Feeble?
192 FEEBLE.
193 A woman’s tailor, sir.
194 SHALLOW.
195 Shall I prick him, sir?
196 FALSTAFF.
197 You may; but if he had been a man’s tailor, he’d ha’ pricked you. Wilt
198 thou make as many holes in an enemy’s battle as thou hast done in a
199 woman’s petticoat?
200 FEEBLE.
201 I will do my good will, sir, you can have no more.
202 FALSTAFF.
203 Well said, good woman’s tailor! Well said, courageous Feeble! Thou wilt
204 be as valiant as the wrathful dove or most magnanimous mouse. Prick the
205 woman’s tailor: well, Master Shallow, deep, Master Shallow.
206 FEEBLE.
207 I would Wart might have gone, sir.
208 FALSTAFF.
209 I would thou wert a man’s tailor, that thou mightst mend him and make
210 him fit to go. I cannot put him to a private soldier that is the leader
211 of so many thousands. Let that suffice, most forcible Feeble.
212 FEEBLE.
213 It shall suffice, sir.
214 FALSTAFF.
215 I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. Who is next?
216 SHALLOW.
217 Peter Bullcalf o’ th’ green!
218 FALSTAFF.
219 Yea, marry, let’s see Bullcalf.
220 BULLCALF.
221 Here, sir.
222 FALSTAFF.
223 Fore God, a likely fellow! Come, prick me Bullcalf till he roar again.
224 BULLCALF.
225 O Lord! good my lord captain—
226 FALSTAFF.
227 What, dost thou roar before thou art pricked?
228 BULLCALF.
229 O Lord, sir, I am a diseased man.
230 FALSTAFF.
231 What disease hast thou?
232 BULLCALF.
233 A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caught with ringing in the
234 King’s affairs upon his coronation day, sir.
235 FALSTAFF.
236 Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown; we will have away thy cold,
237 and I will take such order that thy friends shall ring for thee. Is
238 here all?
239 SHALLOW.
240 Here is two more called than your number; you must have but four here,
241 sir; and so, I pray you, go in with me to dinner.
242 FALSTAFF.
243 Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry dinner. I am glad to
244 see you, by my troth, Master Shallow.
245 SHALLOW.
246 O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all night in the windmill in
247 Saint George’s Field?
248 FALSTAFF.
249 No more of that, good Master Shallow, no more of that.
250 SHALLOW.
251 Ha, ’twas a merry night. And is Jane Nightwork alive?
252 FALSTAFF.
253 She lives, Master Shallow.
254 SHALLOW.
255 She never could away with me.
256 FALSTAFF.
257 Never, never; she would always say she could not abide Master Shallow.
258 SHALLOW.
259 By the mass, I could anger her to th’ heart. She was then a bona-roba.
260 Doth she hold her own well?
261 FALSTAFF.
262 Old, old, Master Shallow.
263 SHALLOW.
264 Nay, she must be old, she cannot choose but be old, certain she’s old,
265 and had Robin Nightwork by old Nightwork before I came to Clement’s
266 Inn.
267 SILENCE.
268 That’s fifty-five year ago.
269 SHALLOW.
270 Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that that this knight and I
271 have seen! Ha, Sir John, said I well?
272 FALSTAFF.
273 We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.
274 SHALLOW.
275 That we have, that we have, that we have; in faith, Sir John, we have.
276 Our watchword was “Hem boys!” Come, let’s to dinner; come, let’s to
277 dinner. Jesus, the days that we have seen! Come, come.
278 [_Exeunt Falstaff, Shallow and Silence._]
279 BULLCALF.
280 Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend; and here’s four Harry
281 ten shillings in French crowns for you. In very truth, sir, I had as
282 lief be hanged, sir, as go. And yet, for mine own part, sir, I do not
283 care; but rather because I am unwilling, and, for mine own part, have a
284 desire to stay with my friends; else, sir, I did not care, for mine own
285 part, so much.
286 BARDOLPH.
287 Go to, stand aside.
288 MOULDY.
289 And, good Master Corporal Captain, for my old dame’s sake, stand my
290 friend. She has nobody to do anything about her when I am gone, and she
291 is old, and cannot help herself. You shall have forty, sir.
292 BARDOLPH.
293 Go to, stand aside.
294 FEEBLE.
295 By my troth, I care not. A man can die but once. We owe God a death.
296 I’ll ne’er bear a base mind. An ’t be my destiny, so; an ’t be not, so.
297 No man’s too good to serve’s prince, and let it go which way it will,
298 he that dies this year is quit for the next.
299 BARDOLPH.
300 Well said, th’art a good fellow.
301 FEEBLE.
302 Faith, I’ll bear no base mind.
303 Enter Falstaff and the Justices.
304 FALSTAFF.
305 Come, sir, which men shall I have?
306 SHALLOW.
307 Four of which you please.
308 BARDOLPH.
309 Sir, a word with you. I have three pound to free Mouldy and Bullcalf.
310 FALSTAFF.
311 Go to, well.
312 SHALLOW.
313 Come, Sir John, which four will you have?
314 FALSTAFF.
315 Do you choose for me.
316 SHALLOW.
317 Marry, then, Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble, and Shadow.
318 FALSTAFF.
319 Mouldy and Bullcalf: for you, Mouldy, stay at home till you are past
320 service; and for your part, Bullcalf, grow till you come unto it. I
321 will none of you.
322 SHALLOW.
323 Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong. They are your likeliest men,
324 and I would have you served with the best.
325 FALSTAFF.
326 Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose a man? Care I for the
327 limb, the thews, the stature, bulk, and big assemblance of a man? Give
328 me the spirit, Master Shallow. Here’s Wart. You see what a ragged
329 appearance it is. He shall charge you and discharge you with the motion
330 of a pewterer’s hammer, come off and on swifter than he that gibbets on
331 the brewer’s bucket. And this same half-faced fellow, Shadow; give me
332 this man. He presents no mark to the enemy. The foeman may with as
333 great aim level at the edge of a penknife. And for a retreat, how
334 swiftly will this Feeble, the woman’s tailor, run off! O, give me the
335 spare men, and spare me the great ones. Put me a caliver into Wart’s
336 hand, Bardolph.
337 BARDOLPH.
338 Hold, Wart. Traverse. Thas, thas, thas.
339 FALSTAFF.
340 Come, manage me your caliver. So, very well, go to, very good,
341 exceeding good. O, give me always a little, lean, old, chopt, bald
342 shot. Well said, i’ faith, Wart. Th’art a good scab. Hold, there’s a
343 tester for thee.
344 SHALLOW.
345 He is not his craft’s master, he doth not do it right. I remember at
346 Mile-End Green, when I lay at Clement’s Inn—I was then Sir Dagonet in
347 Arthur’s show—there was a little quiver fellow, and he would manage you
348 his piece thus. And he would about and about, and come you in and come
349 you in. “Rah, tah, tah,” would he say. “Bounce” would he say; and away
350 again would he go, and again would he come. I shall ne’er see such a
351 fellow.
352 FALSTAFF.
353 These fellows will do well. Master Shallow. God keep you, Master
354 Silence: I will not use many words with you. Fare you well, gentlemen
355 both. I thank you. I must a dozen mile tonight. Bardolph, give the
356 soldiers coats.
357 SHALLOW.
358 Sir John, the Lord bless you! God prosper your affairs! God send us
359 peace! At your return, visit our house, let our old acquaintance be
360 renewed. Peradventure I will with ye to the court.
361 FALSTAFF.
362 Fore God, I would you would, Master Shallow.
363 SHALLOW.
364 Go to, I have spoke at a word. God keep you.
365 FALSTAFF.
366 Fare you well, gentle gentlemen. [_Exeunt Justices_.] On, Bardolph,
367 lead the men away. [_Exeunt Bardolph, recruits, &c._] As I return, I
368 will fetch off these justices. I do see the bottom of Justice Shallow.
369 Lord, Lord, how subject we old men are to this vice of lying! This same
370 starved justice hath done nothing but prate to me of the wildness of
371 his youth, and the feats he hath done about Turnbull Street, and every
372 third word a lie, duer paid to the hearer than the Turk’s tribute. I do
373 remember him at Clement’s Inn, like a man made after supper of a
374 cheese-paring. When he was naked, he was, for all the world, like a
375 forked radish, with a head fantastically carved upon it with a knife.
376 He was so forlorn, that his dimensions to any thick sight were
377 invincible. He was the very genius of famine, yet lecherous as a
378 monkey, and the whores called him mandrake. He came ever in the
379 rearward of the fashion, and sung those tunes to the overscutched
380 huswives that he heard the carmen whistle, and sware they were his
381 fancies or his good-nights. And now is this Vice’s dagger become a
382 squire, and talks as familiarly of John a Gaunt as if he had been sworn
383 brother to him, and I’ll be sworn he ne’er saw him but once in the
384 tilt-yard, and then he burst his head for crowding among the marshal’s
385 men. I saw it and told John a Gaunt he beat his own name, for you might
386 have thrust him and all his apparel into an eel-skin; the case of a
387 treble hautboy was a mansion for him, a court. And now has he land and
388 beefs. Well, I’ll be acquainted with him if I return, and ’t shall go
389 hard but I’ll make him a philosopher’s two stones to me. If the young
390 dace be a bait for the old pike, I see no reason in the law of nature
391 but I may snap at him. Let time shape, and there an end.
392 [_Exit._]