The Taming Of The Shrew

1 Enter Petruchio and his man Grumio.
2 PETRUCHIO.
3 Verona, for a while I take my leave,
4 To see my friends in Padua; but of all
5 My best beloved and approved friend,
6 Hortensio; and I trow this is his house.
7 Here, sirrah Grumio, knock, I say.
8 GRUMIO.
9 Knock, sir? Whom should I knock? Is there any man has rebused your
10 worship?
11 PETRUCHIO.
12 Villain, I say, knock me here soundly.
13 GRUMIO.
14 Knock you here, sir? Why, sir, what am I, sir, that I should knock you
15 here, sir?
16 PETRUCHIO.
17 Villain, I say, knock me at this gate;
18 And rap me well, or I’ll knock your knave’s pate.
19 GRUMIO.
20 My master is grown quarrelsome. I should knock you first,
21 And then I know after who comes by the worst.
22 PETRUCHIO.
23 Will it not be?
24 Faith, sirrah, and you’ll not knock, I’ll ring it;
25 I’ll try how you can sol, fa, and sing it.
26 [_He wrings Grumio by the ears._]
27 GRUMIO.
28 Help, masters, help! my master is mad.
29 PETRUCHIO.
30 Now, knock when I bid you, sirrah villain!
31 Enter Hortensio.
32 HORTENSIO.
33 How now! what’s the matter? My old friend Grumio! and my good friend
34 Petruchio! How do you all at Verona?
35 PETRUCHIO.
36 Signior Hortensio, come you to part the fray?
37 _Con tutto il cuore ben trovato_, may I say.
38 HORTENSIO.
39 _Alla nostra casa ben venuto; molto honorato signor mio Petruchio._
40 Rise, Grumio, rise: we will compound this quarrel.
41 GRUMIO.
42 Nay, ’tis no matter, sir, what he ’leges in Latin. If this be not a
43 lawful cause for me to leave his service, look you, sir, he bid me
44 knock him and rap him soundly, sir: well, was it fit for a servant to
45 use his master so; being, perhaps, for aught I see, two-and-thirty, a
46 pip out? Whom would to God I had well knock’d at first, then had not
47 Grumio come by the worst.
48 PETRUCHIO.
49 A senseless villain! Good Hortensio,
50 I bade the rascal knock upon your gate,
51 And could not get him for my heart to do it.
52 GRUMIO.
53 Knock at the gate! O heavens! Spake you not these words plain: ‘Sirrah
54 knock me here, rap me here, knock me well, and knock me soundly’? And
55 come you now with ‘knocking at the gate’?
56 PETRUCHIO.
57 Sirrah, be gone, or talk not, I advise you.
58 HORTENSIO.
59 Petruchio, patience; I am Grumio’s pledge;
60 Why, this’s a heavy chance ’twixt him and you,
61 Your ancient, trusty, pleasant servant Grumio.
62 And tell me now, sweet friend, what happy gale
63 Blows you to Padua here from old Verona?
64 PETRUCHIO.
65 Such wind as scatters young men through the world
66 To seek their fortunes farther than at home,
67 Where small experience grows. But in a few,
68 Signior Hortensio, thus it stands with me:
69 Antonio, my father, is deceas’d,
70 And I have thrust myself into this maze,
71 Haply to wive and thrive as best I may;
72 Crowns in my purse I have, and goods at home,
73 And so am come abroad to see the world.
74 HORTENSIO.
75 Petruchio, shall I then come roundly to thee
76 And wish thee to a shrewd ill-favour’d wife?
77 Thou’dst thank me but a little for my counsel;
78 And yet I’ll promise thee she shall be rich,
79 And very rich: but th’art too much my friend,
80 And I’ll not wish thee to her.
81 PETRUCHIO.
82 Signior Hortensio, ’twixt such friends as we
83 Few words suffice; and therefore, if thou know
84 One rich enough to be Petruchio’s wife,
85 As wealth is burden of my wooing dance,
86 Be she as foul as was Florentius’ love,
87 As old as Sibyl, and as curst and shrewd
88 As Socrates’ Xanthippe or a worse,
89 She moves me not, or not removes, at least,
90 Affection’s edge in me, were she as rough
91 As are the swelling Adriatic seas:
92 I come to wive it wealthily in Padua;
93 If wealthily, then happily in Padua.
94 GRUMIO.
95 Nay, look you, sir, he tells you flatly what his mind is: why, give him
96 gold enough and marry him to a puppet or an aglet-baby; or an old trot
97 with ne’er a tooth in her head, though she have as many diseases as
98 two-and-fifty horses: why, nothing comes amiss, so money comes withal.
99 HORTENSIO.
100 Petruchio, since we are stepp’d thus far in,
101 I will continue that I broach’d in jest.
102 I can, Petruchio, help thee to a wife
103 With wealth enough, and young and beauteous;
104 Brought up as best becomes a gentlewoman:
105 Her only fault,—and that is faults enough,—
106 Is, that she is intolerable curst,
107 And shrewd and froward, so beyond all measure,
108 That, were my state far worser than it is,
109 I would not wed her for a mine of gold.
110 PETRUCHIO.
111 Hortensio, peace! thou know’st not gold’s effect:
112 Tell me her father’s name, and ’tis enough;
113 For I will board her, though she chide as loud
114 As thunder when the clouds in autumn crack.
115 HORTENSIO.
116 Her father is Baptista Minola,
117 An affable and courteous gentleman;
118 Her name is Katherina Minola,
119 Renown’d in Padua for her scolding tongue.
120 PETRUCHIO.
121 I know her father, though I know not her;
122 And he knew my deceased father well.
123 I will not sleep, Hortensio, till I see her;
124 And therefore let me be thus bold with you,
125 To give you over at this first encounter,
126 Unless you will accompany me thither.
127 GRUMIO.
128 I pray you, sir, let him go while the humour lasts. O’ my word, and she
129 knew him as well as I do, she would think scolding would do little good
130 upon him. She may perhaps call him half a score knaves or so; why,
131 that’s nothing; and he begin once, he’ll rail in his rope-tricks. I’ll
132 tell you what, sir, and she stand him but a little, he will throw a
133 figure in her face, and so disfigure her with it that she shall have no
134 more eyes to see withal than a cat. You know him not, sir.
135 HORTENSIO.
136 Tarry, Petruchio, I must go with thee,
137 For in Baptista’s keep my treasure is:
138 He hath the jewel of my life in hold,
139 His youngest daughter, beautiful Bianca,
140 And her withholds from me and other more,
141 Suitors to her and rivals in my love;
142 Supposing it a thing impossible,
143 For those defects I have before rehears’d,
144 That ever Katherina will be woo’d:
145 Therefore this order hath Baptista ta’en,
146 That none shall have access unto Bianca
147 Till Katherine the curst have got a husband.
148 GRUMIO.
149 Katherine the curst!
150 A title for a maid of all titles the worst.
151 HORTENSIO.
152 Now shall my friend Petruchio do me grace,
153 And offer me disguis’d in sober robes,
154 To old Baptista as a schoolmaster
155 Well seen in music, to instruct Bianca;
156 That so I may, by this device at least
157 Have leave and leisure to make love to her,
158 And unsuspected court her by herself.
159 GRUMIO.
160 Here’s no knavery! See, to beguile the old folks, how the young folks
161 lay their heads together!
162 Enter Gremio and Lucentio disguised, with books under his arm.
163 Master, master, look about you: who goes there, ha?
164 HORTENSIO.
165 Peace, Grumio! It is the rival of my love. Petruchio, stand by awhile.
166 GRUMIO.
167 A proper stripling, and an amorous!
168 GREMIO.
169 O! very well; I have perus’d the note.
170 Hark you, sir; I’ll have them very fairly bound:
171 All books of love, see that at any hand,
172 And see you read no other lectures to her.
173 You understand me. Over and beside
174 Signior Baptista’s liberality,
175 I’ll mend it with a largess. Take your papers too,
176 And let me have them very well perfum’d;
177 For she is sweeter than perfume itself
178 To whom they go to. What will you read to her?
179 LUCENTIO.
180 Whate’er I read to her, I’ll plead for you,
181 As for my patron, stand you so assur’d,
182 As firmly as yourself were still in place;
183 Yea, and perhaps with more successful words
184 Than you, unless you were a scholar, sir.
185 GREMIO.
186 O! this learning, what a thing it is.
187 GRUMIO.
188 O! this woodcock, what an ass it is.
189 PETRUCHIO.
190 Peace, sirrah!
191 HORTENSIO.
192 Grumio, mum! God save you, Signior Gremio!
193 GREMIO.
194 And you are well met, Signior Hortensio.
195 Trow you whither I am going? To Baptista Minola.
196 I promis’d to enquire carefully
197 About a schoolmaster for the fair Bianca;
198 And by good fortune I have lighted well
199 On this young man; for learning and behaviour
200 Fit for her turn, well read in poetry
201 And other books, good ones, I warrant ye.
202 HORTENSIO.
203 ’Tis well; and I have met a gentleman
204 Hath promis’d me to help me to another,
205 A fine musician to instruct our mistress:
206 So shall I no whit be behind in duty
207 To fair Bianca, so belov’d of me.
208 GREMIO.
209 Belov’d of me, and that my deeds shall prove.
210 GRUMIO.
211 [_Aside._] And that his bags shall prove.
212 HORTENSIO.
213 Gremio, ’tis now no time to vent our love:
214 Listen to me, and if you speak me fair,
215 I’ll tell you news indifferent good for either.
216 Here is a gentleman whom by chance I met,
217 Upon agreement from us to his liking,
218 Will undertake to woo curst Katherine;
219 Yea, and to marry her, if her dowry please.
220 GREMIO.
221 So said, so done, is well.
222 Hortensio, have you told him all her faults?
223 PETRUCHIO.
224 I know she is an irksome brawling scold;
225 If that be all, masters, I hear no harm.
226 GREMIO.
227 No, say’st me so, friend? What countryman?
228 PETRUCHIO.
229 Born in Verona, old Antonio’s son.
230 My father dead, my fortune lives for me;
231 And I do hope good days and long to see.
232 GREMIO.
233 O sir, such a life, with such a wife, were strange!
234 But if you have a stomach, to’t a God’s name;
235 You shall have me assisting you in all.
236 But will you woo this wild-cat?
237 PETRUCHIO.
238 Will I live?
239 GRUMIO.
240 Will he woo her? Ay, or I’ll hang her.
241 PETRUCHIO.
242 Why came I hither but to that intent?
243 Think you a little din can daunt mine ears?
244 Have I not in my time heard lions roar?
245 Have I not heard the sea, puff’d up with winds,
246 Rage like an angry boar chafed with sweat?
247 Have I not heard great ordnance in the field,
248 And heaven’s artillery thunder in the skies?
249 Have I not in a pitched battle heard
250 Loud ’larums, neighing steeds, and trumpets’ clang?
251 And do you tell me of a woman’s tongue,
252 That gives not half so great a blow to hear
253 As will a chestnut in a farmer’s fire?
254 Tush, tush! fear boys with bugs.
255 GRUMIO.
256 [_Aside_] For he fears none.
257 GREMIO.
258 Hortensio, hark:
259 This gentleman is happily arriv’d,
260 My mind presumes, for his own good and yours.
261 HORTENSIO.
262 I promis’d we would be contributors,
263 And bear his charge of wooing, whatsoe’er.
264 GREMIO.
265 And so we will, provided that he win her.
266 GRUMIO.
267 I would I were as sure of a good dinner.
268 Enter Tranio brave, and Biondello.
269 TRANIO.
270 Gentlemen, God save you! If I may be bold,
271 Tell me, I beseech you, which is the readiest way
272 To the house of Signior Baptista Minola?
273 BIONDELLO.
274 He that has the two fair daughters; is’t he you mean?
275 TRANIO.
276 Even he, Biondello!
277 GREMIO.
278 Hark you, sir, you mean not her to—
279 TRANIO.
280 Perhaps him and her, sir; what have you to do?
281 PETRUCHIO.
282 Not her that chides, sir, at any hand, I pray.
283 TRANIO.
284 I love no chiders, sir. Biondello, let’s away.
285 LUCENTIO.
286 [_Aside_] Well begun, Tranio.
287 HORTENSIO.
288 Sir, a word ere you go.
289 Are you a suitor to the maid you talk of, yea or no?
290 TRANIO.
291 And if I be, sir, is it any offence?
292 GREMIO.
293 No; if without more words you will get you hence.
294 TRANIO.
295 Why, sir, I pray, are not the streets as free
296 For me as for you?
297 GREMIO.
298 But so is not she.
299 TRANIO.
300 For what reason, I beseech you?
301 GREMIO.
302 For this reason, if you’ll know,
303 That she’s the choice love of Signior Gremio.
304 HORTENSIO.
305 That she’s the chosen of Signior Hortensio.
306 TRANIO.
307 Softly, my masters! If you be gentlemen,
308 Do me this right; hear me with patience.
309 Baptista is a noble gentleman,
310 To whom my father is not all unknown;
311 And were his daughter fairer than she is,
312 She may more suitors have, and me for one.
313 Fair Leda’s daughter had a thousand wooers;
314 Then well one more may fair Bianca have;
315 And so she shall: Lucentio shall make one,
316 Though Paris came in hope to speed alone.
317 GREMIO.
318 What, this gentleman will out-talk us all.
319 LUCENTIO.
320 Sir, give him head; I know he’ll prove a jade.
321 PETRUCHIO.
322 Hortensio, to what end are all these words?
323 HORTENSIO.
324 Sir, let me be so bold as ask you,
325 Did you yet ever see Baptista’s daughter?
326 TRANIO.
327 No, sir, but hear I do that he hath two,
328 The one as famous for a scolding tongue
329 As is the other for beauteous modesty.
330 PETRUCHIO.
331 Sir, sir, the first’s for me; let her go by.
332 GREMIO.
333 Yea, leave that labour to great Hercules,
334 And let it be more than Alcides’ twelve.
335 PETRUCHIO.
336 Sir, understand you this of me, in sooth:
337 The youngest daughter, whom you hearken for,
338 Her father keeps from all access of suitors,
339 And will not promise her to any man
340 Until the elder sister first be wed;
341 The younger then is free, and not before.
342 TRANIO.
343 If it be so, sir, that you are the man
344 Must stead us all, and me amongst the rest;
345 And if you break the ice, and do this feat,
346 Achieve the elder, set the younger free
347 For our access, whose hap shall be to have her
348 Will not so graceless be to be ingrate.
349 HORTENSIO.
350 Sir, you say well, and well you do conceive;
351 And since you do profess to be a suitor,
352 You must, as we do, gratify this gentleman,
353 To whom we all rest generally beholding.
354 TRANIO.
355 Sir, I shall not be slack; in sign whereof,
356 Please ye we may contrive this afternoon,
357 And quaff carouses to our mistress’ health;
358 And do as adversaries do in law,
359 Strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.
360 GRUMIO, BIONDELLO.
361 O excellent motion! Fellows, let’s be gone.
362 HORTENSIO.
363 The motion’s good indeed, and be it so:—
364 Petruchio, I shall be your _ben venuto_.
365 [_Exeunt._]