The Tragedy Of Hamlet, Prince Of Denmark

1 Enter two Clowns with spades, &c.
2 FIRST CLOWN.
3 Is she to be buried in Christian burial, when she wilfully seeks her
4 own salvation?
5 SECOND CLOWN.
6 I tell thee she is, and therefore make her grave straight. The crowner
7 hath sat on her, and finds it Christian burial.
8 FIRST CLOWN.
9 How can that be, unless she drowned herself in her own defence?
10 SECOND CLOWN.
11 Why, ’tis found so.
12 FIRST CLOWN.
13 It must be _se offendendo_, it cannot be else. For here lies the point:
14 if I drown myself wittingly, it argues an act: and an act hath three
15 branches. It is to act, to do, and to perform: argal, she drowned
16 herself wittingly.
17 SECOND CLOWN.
18 Nay, but hear you, goodman delver,—
19 FIRST CLOWN.
20 Give me leave. Here lies the water; good. Here stands the man; good. If
21 the man go to this water and drown himself, it is, will he nill he, he
22 goes,—mark you that. But if the water come to him and drown him, he
23 drowns not himself. Argal, he that is not guilty of his own death
24 shortens not his own life.
25 SECOND CLOWN.
26 But is this law?
27 FIRST CLOWN.
28 Ay, marry, is’t, crowner’s quest law.
29 SECOND CLOWN.
30 Will you ha’ the truth on’t? If this had not been a gentlewoman, she
31 should have been buried out o’ Christian burial.
32 FIRST CLOWN.
33 Why, there thou say’st. And the more pity that great folk should have
34 countenance in this world to drown or hang themselves more than their
35 even Christian. Come, my spade. There is no ancient gentlemen but
36 gardeners, ditchers, and grave-makers: they hold up Adam’s profession.
37 SECOND CLOWN.
38 Was he a gentleman?
39 FIRST CLOWN.
40 He was the first that ever bore arms.
41 SECOND CLOWN.
42 Why, he had none.
43 FIRST CLOWN.
44 What, art a heathen? How dost thou understand the Scripture? The
45 Scripture says Adam digg’d. Could he dig without arms? I’ll put another
46 question to thee. If thou answerest me not to the purpose, confess
47 thyself—
48 SECOND CLOWN.
49 Go to.
50 FIRST CLOWN.
51 What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright,
52 or the carpenter?
53 SECOND CLOWN.
54 The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a thousand tenants.
55 FIRST CLOWN.
56 I like thy wit well in good faith, the gallows does well. But how does
57 it well? It does well to those that do ill. Now, thou dost ill to say
58 the gallows is built stronger than the church; argal, the gallows may
59 do well to thee. To’t again, come.
60 SECOND CLOWN.
61 Who builds stronger than a mason, a shipwright, or a carpenter?
62 FIRST CLOWN.
63 Ay, tell me that, and unyoke.
64 SECOND CLOWN.
65 Marry, now I can tell.
66 FIRST CLOWN.
67 To’t.
68 SECOND CLOWN.
69 Mass, I cannot tell.
70 Enter Hamlet and Horatio, at a distance.
71 FIRST CLOWN.
72 Cudgel thy brains no more about it, for your dull ass will not mend his
73 pace with beating; and when you are asked this question next, say ‘a
74 grave-maker’. The houses he makes last till doomsday. Go, get thee to
75 Yaughan; fetch me a stoup of liquor.
76 [_Exit Second Clown._]
77 [_Digs and sings._]
78 In youth when I did love, did love,
79 Methought it was very sweet;
80 To contract, O, the time for, a, my behove,
81 O methought there was nothing meet.
82 HAMLET.
83 Has this fellow no feeling of his business, that he sings at
84 grave-making?
85 HORATIO.
86 Custom hath made it in him a property of easiness.
87 HAMLET.
88 ’Tis e’en so; the hand of little employment hath the daintier sense.
89 FIRST CLOWN.
90 [_Sings._]
91 But age with his stealing steps
92 Hath claw’d me in his clutch,
93 And hath shipp’d me into the land,
94 As if I had never been such.
95 [_Throws up a skull._]
96 HAMLET.
97 That skull had a tongue in it, and could sing once. How the knave jowls
98 it to th’ ground, as if ’twere Cain’s jawbone, that did the first
99 murder! This might be the pate of a politician which this ass now
100 o’er-offices, one that would circumvent God, might it not?
101 HORATIO.
102 It might, my lord.
103 HAMLET.
104 Or of a courtier, which could say ‘Good morrow, sweet lord! How dost
105 thou, good lord?’ This might be my lord such-a-one, that praised my
106 lord such-a-one’s horse when he meant to beg it, might it not?
107 HORATIO.
108 Ay, my lord.
109 HAMLET.
110 Why, e’en so: and now my Lady Worm’s; chapless, and knocked about the
111 mazard with a sexton’s spade. Here’s fine revolution, an we had the
112 trick to see’t. Did these bones cost no more the breeding but to play
113 at loggets with ’em? Mine ache to think on’t.
114 FIRST CLOWN.
115 [_Sings._]
116 A pickaxe and a spade, a spade,
117 For and a shrouding-sheet;
118 O, a pit of clay for to be made
119 For such a guest is meet.
120 [_Throws up another skull._]
121 HAMLET.
122 There’s another. Why may not that be the skull of a lawyer? Where be
123 his quiddits now, his quillets, his cases, his tenures, and his tricks?
124 Why does he suffer this rude knave now to knock him about the sconce
125 with a dirty shovel, and will not tell him of his action of battery?
126 Hum. This fellow might be in’s time a great buyer of land, with his
127 statutes, his recognizances, his fines, his double vouchers, his
128 recoveries. Is this the fine of his fines, and the recovery of his
129 recoveries, to have his fine pate full of fine dirt? Will his vouchers
130 vouch him no more of his purchases, and double ones too, than the
131 length and breadth of a pair of indentures? The very conveyances of his
132 lands will scarcely lie in this box; and must the inheritor himself
133 have no more, ha?
134 HORATIO.
135 Not a jot more, my lord.
136 HAMLET.
137 Is not parchment made of sheep-skins?
138 HORATIO.
139 Ay, my lord, and of calf-skins too.
140 HAMLET.
141 They are sheep and calves which seek out assurance in that. I will
142 speak to this fellow.—Whose grave’s this, sir?
143 FIRST CLOWN.
144 Mine, sir.
145 [_Sings._]
146 O, a pit of clay for to be made
147 For such a guest is meet.
148 HAMLET.
149 I think it be thine indeed, for thou liest in’t.
150 FIRST CLOWN.
151 You lie out on’t, sir, and therefore ’tis not yours.
152 For my part, I do not lie in’t, yet it is mine.
153 HAMLET.
154 Thou dost lie in’t, to be in’t and say it is thine. ’Tis for the dead,
155 not for the quick; therefore thou liest.
156 FIRST CLOWN.
157 ’Tis a quick lie, sir; ’t will away again from me to you.
158 HAMLET.
159 What man dost thou dig it for?
160 FIRST CLOWN.
161 For no man, sir.
162 HAMLET.
163 What woman then?
164 FIRST CLOWN.
165 For none neither.
166 HAMLET.
167 Who is to be buried in’t?
168 FIRST CLOWN.
169 One that was a woman, sir; but, rest her soul, she’s dead.
170 HAMLET.
171 How absolute the knave is! We must speak by the card, or equivocation
172 will undo us. By the Lord, Horatio, these three years I have taken note
173 of it, the age is grown so picked that the toe of the peasant comes so
174 near the heel of the courtier he galls his kibe.—How long hast thou
175 been a grave-maker?
176 FIRST CLOWN.
177 Of all the days i’ th’ year, I came to’t that day that our last King
178 Hamlet o’ercame Fortinbras.
179 HAMLET.
180 How long is that since?
181 FIRST CLOWN.
182 Cannot you tell that? Every fool can tell that. It was the very day
183 that young Hamlet was born,—he that is mad, and sent into England.
184 HAMLET.
185 Ay, marry, why was he sent into England?
186 FIRST CLOWN.
187 Why, because he was mad; he shall recover his wits there; or if he do
188 not, it’s no great matter there.
189 HAMLET.
190 Why?
191 FIRST CLOWN.
192 ’Twill not be seen in him there; there the men are as mad as he.
193 HAMLET.
194 How came he mad?
195 FIRST CLOWN.
196 Very strangely, they say.
197 HAMLET.
198 How strangely?
199 FIRST CLOWN.
200 Faith, e’en with losing his wits.
201 HAMLET.
202 Upon what ground?
203 FIRST CLOWN.
204 Why, here in Denmark. I have been sexton here, man and boy, thirty
205 years.
206 HAMLET.
207 How long will a man lie i’ th’earth ere he rot?
208 FIRST CLOWN.
209 Faith, if he be not rotten before he die,—as we have many pocky corses
210 nowadays that will scarce hold the laying in,—he will last you some
211 eight year or nine year. A tanner will last you nine year.
212 HAMLET.
213 Why he more than another?
214 FIRST CLOWN.
215 Why, sir, his hide is so tann’d with his trade that he will keep out
216 water a great while. And your water is a sore decayer of your whoreson
217 dead body. Here’s a skull now; this skull hath lain in the earth
218 three-and-twenty years.
219 HAMLET.
220 Whose was it?
221 FIRST CLOWN.
222 A whoreson, mad fellow’s it was. Whose do you think it was?
223 HAMLET.
224 Nay, I know not.
225 FIRST CLOWN.
226 A pestilence on him for a mad rogue! A pour’d a flagon of Rhenish on my
227 head once. This same skull, sir, was Yorick’s skull, the King’s jester.
228 HAMLET.
229 This?
230 FIRST CLOWN.
231 E’en that.
232 HAMLET.
233 Let me see. [_Takes the skull._] Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him,
234 Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath
235 borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my
236 imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I
237 have kiss’d I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your gambols?
238 your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table
239 on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? Quite chop-fallen?
240 Now get you to my lady’s chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch
241 thick, to this favour she must come. Make her laugh at that.—Prithee,
242 Horatio, tell me one thing.
243 HORATIO.
244 What’s that, my lord?
245 HAMLET.
246 Dost thou think Alexander looked o’ this fashion i’ th’earth?
247 HORATIO.
248 E’en so.
249 HAMLET.
250 And smelt so? Pah!
251 [_Throws down the skull._]
252 HORATIO.
253 E’en so, my lord.
254 HAMLET.
255 To what base uses we may return, Horatio! Why may not imagination trace
256 the noble dust of Alexander till he find it stopping a bung-hole?
257 HORATIO.
258 ’Twere to consider too curiously to consider so.
259 HAMLET.
260 No, faith, not a jot. But to follow him thither with modesty enough,
261 and likelihood to lead it; as thus. Alexander died, Alexander was
262 buried, Alexander returneth into dust; the dust is earth; of earth we
263 make loam; and why of that loam whereto he was converted might they not
264 stop a beer-barrel?
265 Imperious Caesar, dead and turn’d to clay,
266 Might stop a hole to keep the wind away.
267 O, that that earth which kept the world in awe
268 Should patch a wall t’expel the winter’s flaw.
269 But soft! but soft! aside! Here comes the King.
270 Enter priests, &c, in procession; the corpse of Ophelia, Laertes and
271 Mourners following; King, Queen, their Trains, &c.
272 The Queen, the courtiers. Who is that they follow?
273 And with such maimed rites? This doth betoken
274 The corse they follow did with desperate hand
275 Fordo it own life. ’Twas of some estate.
276 Couch we awhile and mark.
277 [_Retiring with Horatio._]
278 LAERTES.
279 What ceremony else?
280 HAMLET.
281 That is Laertes, a very noble youth. Mark.
282 LAERTES.
283 What ceremony else?
284 PRIEST.
285 Her obsequies have been as far enlarg’d
286 As we have warranties. Her death was doubtful;
287 And but that great command o’ersways the order,
288 She should in ground unsanctified have lodg’d
289 Till the last trumpet. For charitable prayers,
290 Shards, flints, and pebbles should be thrown on her.
291 Yet here she is allowed her virgin rites,
292 Her maiden strewments, and the bringing home
293 Of bell and burial.
294 LAERTES.
295 Must there no more be done?
296 PRIEST.
297 No more be done.
298 We should profane the service of the dead
299 To sing sage requiem and such rest to her
300 As to peace-parted souls.
301 LAERTES.
302 Lay her i’ th’earth,
303 And from her fair and unpolluted flesh
304 May violets spring. I tell thee, churlish priest,
305 A minist’ring angel shall my sister be
306 When thou liest howling.
307 HAMLET.
308 What, the fair Ophelia?
309 QUEEN.
310 [_Scattering flowers._] Sweets to the sweet. Farewell.
311 I hop’d thou shouldst have been my Hamlet’s wife;
312 I thought thy bride-bed to have deck’d, sweet maid,
313 And not have strew’d thy grave.
314 LAERTES.
315 O, treble woe
316 Fall ten times treble on that cursed head
317 Whose wicked deed thy most ingenious sense
318 Depriv’d thee of. Hold off the earth a while,
319 Till I have caught her once more in mine arms.
320 [_Leaps into the grave._]
321 Now pile your dust upon the quick and dead,
322 Till of this flat a mountain you have made,
323 To o’ertop old Pelion or the skyish head
324 Of blue Olympus.
325 HAMLET.
326 [_Advancing._]
327 What is he whose grief
328 Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow
329 Conjures the wand’ring stars, and makes them stand
330 Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I,
331 Hamlet the Dane.
332 [_Leaps into the grave._]
333 LAERTES.
334 [_Grappling with him._] The devil take thy soul!
335 HAMLET.
336 Thou pray’st not well.
337 I prithee take thy fingers from my throat;
338 For though I am not splenative and rash,
339 Yet have I in me something dangerous,
340 Which let thy wiseness fear. Away thy hand!
341 KING.
342 Pluck them asunder.
343 QUEEN.
344 Hamlet! Hamlet!
345 All.
346 Gentlemen!
347 HORATIO.
348 Good my lord, be quiet.
349 [_The Attendants part them, and they come out of the grave._]
350 HAMLET.
351 Why, I will fight with him upon this theme
352 Until my eyelids will no longer wag.
353 QUEEN.
354 O my son, what theme?
355 HAMLET.
356 I lov’d Ophelia; forty thousand brothers
357 Could not, with all their quantity of love,
358 Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her?
359 KING.
360 O, he is mad, Laertes.
361 QUEEN.
362 For love of God forbear him!
363 HAMLET.
364 ’Swounds, show me what thou’lt do:
365 Woul’t weep? woul’t fight? woul’t fast? woul’t tear thyself?
366 Woul’t drink up eisel? eat a crocodile?
367 I’ll do’t. Dost thou come here to whine?
368 To outface me with leaping in her grave?
369 Be buried quick with her, and so will I.
370 And if thou prate of mountains, let them throw
371 Millions of acres on us, till our ground,
372 Singeing his pate against the burning zone,
373 Make Ossa like a wart. Nay, an thou’lt mouth,
374 I’ll rant as well as thou.
375 QUEEN.
376 This is mere madness:
377 And thus awhile the fit will work on him;
378 Anon, as patient as the female dove,
379 When that her golden couplets are disclos’d,
380 His silence will sit drooping.
381 HAMLET.
382 Hear you, sir;
383 What is the reason that you use me thus?
384 I lov’d you ever. But it is no matter.
385 Let Hercules himself do what he may,
386 The cat will mew, and dog will have his day.
387 [_Exit._]
388 KING.
389 I pray thee, good Horatio, wait upon him.
390 [_Exit Horatio._]
391 [_To Laertes_]
392 Strengthen your patience in our last night’s speech;
393 We’ll put the matter to the present push.—
394 Good Gertrude, set some watch over your son.
395 This grave shall have a living monument.
396 An hour of quiet shortly shall we see;
397 Till then in patience our proceeding be.
398 [_Exeunt._]