The Two Gentlemen Of Verona

1 Enter Duke, Thurio and Proteus.
2 DUKE.
3 Sir Thurio, give us leave, I pray, awhile;
4 We have some secrets to confer about.
5 [_Exit Thurio._]
6 Now tell me, Proteus, what’s your will with me?
7 PROTEUS.
8 My gracious lord, that which I would discover
9 The law of friendship bids me to conceal,
10 But when I call to mind your gracious favours
11 Done to me, undeserving as I am,
12 My duty pricks me on to utter that
13 Which else no worldly good should draw from me.
14 Know, worthy prince, Sir Valentine my friend
15 This night intends to steal away your daughter;
16 Myself am one made privy to the plot.
17 I know you have determined to bestow her
18 On Thurio, whom your gentle daughter hates,
19 And should she thus be stol’n away from you,
20 It would be much vexation to your age.
21 Thus, for my duty’s sake, I rather chose
22 To cross my friend in his intended drift
23 Than, by concealing it, heap on your head
24 A pack of sorrows which would press you down,
25 Being unprevented, to your timeless grave.
26 DUKE.
27 Proteus, I thank thee for thine honest care,
28 Which to requite command me while I live.
29 This love of theirs myself have often seen,
30 Haply when they have judged me fast asleep,
31 And oftentimes have purposed to forbid
32 Sir Valentine her company and my court.
33 But fearing lest my jealous aim might err
34 And so, unworthily, disgrace the man—
35 A rashness that I ever yet have shunned—
36 I gave him gentle looks, thereby to find
37 That which thyself hast now disclosed to me.
38 And that thou mayst perceive my fear of this,
39 Knowing that tender youth is soon suggested,
40 I nightly lodge her in an upper tower,
41 The key whereof myself have ever kept;
42 And thence she cannot be conveyed away.
43 PROTEUS.
44 Know, noble lord, they have devised a mean
45 How he her chamber-window will ascend
46 And with a corded ladder fetch her down;
47 For which the youthful lover now is gone,
48 And this way comes he with it presently,
49 Where, if it please you, you may intercept him.
50 But, good my lord, do it so cunningly
51 That my discovery be not aimed at;
52 For love of you, not hate unto my friend,
53 Hath made me publisher of this pretence.
54 DUKE.
55 Upon mine honour, he shall never know
56 That I had any light from thee of this.
57 PROTEUS.
58 Adieu, my lord, Sir Valentine is coming.
59 [_Exit._]
60 Enter Valentine.
61 DUKE.
62 Sir Valentine, whither away so fast?
63 VALENTINE.
64 Please it your Grace, there is a messenger
65 That stays to bear my letters to my friends,
66 And I am going to deliver them.
67 DUKE.
68 Be they of much import?
69 VALENTINE.
70 The tenor of them doth but signify
71 My health and happy being at your court.
72 DUKE.
73 Nay then, no matter. Stay with me awhile;
74 I am to break with thee of some affairs
75 That touch me near, wherein thou must be secret.
76 ’Tis not unknown to thee that I have sought
77 To match my friend Sir Thurio to my daughter.
78 VALENTINE.
79 I know it well, my lord, and sure the match
80 Were rich and honourable. Besides, the gentleman
81 Is full of virtue, bounty, worth, and qualities
82 Beseeming such a wife as your fair daughter.
83 Cannot your grace win her to fancy him?
84 DUKE.
85 No, trust me, she is peevish, sullen, froward,
86 Proud, disobedient, stubborn, lacking duty,
87 Neither regarding that she is my child
88 Nor fearing me as if I were her father;
89 And, may I say to thee, this pride of hers,
90 Upon advice, hath drawn my love from her,
91 And where I thought the remnant of mine age
92 Should have been cherished by her childlike duty,
93 I now am full resolved to take a wife
94 And turn her out to who will take her in.
95 Then let her beauty be her wedding dower,
96 For me and my possessions she esteems not.
97 VALENTINE.
98 What would your Grace have me to do in this?
99 DUKE.
100 There is a lady of Verona here
101 Whom I affect; but she is nice, and coy,
102 And nought esteems my aged eloquence.
103 Now therefore would I have thee to my tutor—
104 For long agone I have forgot to court;
105 Besides, the fashion of the time is changed—
106 How and which way I may bestow myself
107 To be regarded in her sun-bright eye.
108 VALENTINE.
109 Win her with gifts if she respect not words;
110 Dumb jewels often in their silent kind
111 More than quick words do move a woman’s mind.
112 DUKE.
113 But she did scorn a present that I sent her.
114 VALENTINE.
115 A woman sometime scorns what best contents her.
116 Send her another; never give her o’er,
117 For scorn at first makes after-love the more.
118 If she do frown, ’tis not in hate of you,
119 But rather to beget more love in you.
120 If she do chide, ’tis not to have you gone,
121 Forwhy the fools are mad if left alone.
122 Take no repulse, whatever she doth say;
123 For “Get you gone” she doth not mean “Away!”
124 Flatter and praise, commend, extol their graces;
125 Though ne’er so black, say they have angels’ faces.
126 That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man
127 If with his tongue he cannot win a woman.
128 DUKE.
129 But she I mean is promised by her friends
130 Unto a youthful gentleman of worth,
131 And kept severely from resort of men,
132 That no man hath access by day to her.
133 VALENTINE.
134 Why then, I would resort to her by night.
135 DUKE.
136 Ay, but the doors be locked and keys kept safe,
137 That no man hath recourse to her by night.
138 VALENTINE.
139 What lets but one may enter at her window?
140 DUKE.
141 Her chamber is aloft, far from the ground,
142 And built so shelving that one cannot climb it
143 Without apparent hazard of his life.
144 VALENTINE.
145 Why, then a ladder quaintly made of cords
146 To cast up with a pair of anchoring hooks,
147 Would serve to scale another Hero’s tower,
148 So bold Leander would adventure it.
149 DUKE.
150 Now, as thou art a gentleman of blood,
151 Advise me where I may have such a ladder.
152 VALENTINE.
153 When would you use it? Pray, sir, tell me that.
154 DUKE.
155 This very night; for Love is like a child
156 That longs for everything that he can come by.
157 VALENTINE.
158 By seven o’clock I’ll get you such a ladder.
159 DUKE.
160 But, hark thee: I will go to her alone;
161 How shall I best convey the ladder thither?
162 VALENTINE.
163 It will be light, my lord, that you may bear it
164 Under a cloak that is of any length.
165 DUKE.
166 A cloak as long as thine will serve the turn?
167 VALENTINE.
168 Ay, my good lord.
169 DUKE.
170 Then let me see thy cloak;
171 I’ll get me one of such another length.
172 VALENTINE.
173 Why, any cloak will serve the turn, my lord.
174 DUKE.
175 How shall I fashion me to wear a cloak?
176 I pray thee, let me feel thy cloak upon me.
177 [_Takes Valentine’s cloak and finds a letter and a rope ladder
178 concealed under it._]
179 What letter is this same? What’s here?—_To Silvia?_
180 And here an engine fit for my proceeding.
181 I’ll be so bold to break the seal for once.
182 [_Reads_.] _My thoughts do harbour with my Silvia nightly,
183 And slaves they are to me that send them flying.
184 O, could their master come and go as lightly,
185 Himself would lodge where, senseless, they are lying.
186 My herald thoughts in thy pure bosom rest them,
187 While I, their king, that thither them importune,
188 Do curse the grace that with such grace hath blest them,
189 Because myself do want my servants’ fortune.
190 I curse myself, for they are sent by me,
191 That they should harbour where their lord should be._
192 What’s here?
193 [_Reads_.] _Silvia, this night I will enfranchise thee._
194 ’Tis so; and here’s the ladder for the purpose.
195 Why, Phaëthon—for thou art Merops’ son—
196 Wilt thou aspire to guide the heavenly car,
197 And with thy daring folly burn the world?
198 Wilt thou reach stars because they shine on thee?
199 Go, base intruder, overweening slave,
200 Bestow thy fawning smiles on equal mates,
201 And think my patience, more than thy desert,
202 Is privilege for thy departure hence.
203 Thank me for this more than for all the favours
204 Which, all too much, I have bestowed on thee.
205 But if thou linger in my territories
206 Longer than swiftest expedition
207 Will give thee time to leave our royal court,
208 By heaven, my wrath shall far exceed the love
209 I ever bore my daughter or thyself.
210 Begone, I will not hear thy vain excuse,
211 But, as thou lov’st thy life, make speed from hence.
212 [_Exit._]
213 VALENTINE.
214 And why not death, rather than living torment?
215 To die is to be banished from myself,
216 And Silvia is myself; banished from her
217 Is self from self—a deadly banishment.
218 What light is light, if Silvia be not seen?
219 What joy is joy, if Silvia be not by?
220 Unless it be to think that she is by
221 And feed upon the shadow of perfection.
222 Except I be by Silvia in the night,
223 There is no music in the nightingale.
224 Unless I look on Silvia in the day,
225 There is no day for me to look upon.
226 She is my essence, and I leave to be
227 If I be not by her fair influence
228 Fostered, illumined, cherished, kept alive.
229 I fly not death, to fly his deadly doom:
230 Tarry I here, I but attend on death,
231 But fly I hence, I fly away from life.
232 Enter Proteus and Lance.
233 PROTEUS.
234 Run, boy, run, run, seek him out.
235 LANCE.
236 So-ho, so-ho!
237 PROTEUS.
238 What seest thou?
239 LANCE.
240 Him we go to find. There’s not a hair on ’s head but ’tis a Valentine.
241 PROTEUS.
242 Valentine?
243 VALENTINE.
244 No.
245 PROTEUS.
246 Who then? His spirit?
247 VALENTINE.
248 Neither.
249 PROTEUS.
250 What then?
251 VALENTINE.
252 Nothing.
253 LANCE.
254 Can nothing speak? Master, shall I strike?
255 PROTEUS.
256 Who wouldst thou strike?
257 LANCE.
258 Nothing.
259 PROTEUS.
260 Villain, forbear.
261 LANCE.
262 Why, sir, I’ll strike nothing. I pray you—
263 PROTEUS.
264 Sirrah, I say, forbear.—Friend Valentine, a word.
265 VALENTINE.
266 My ears are stopped and cannot hear good news,
267 So much of bad already hath possessed them.
268 PROTEUS.
269 Then in dumb silence will I bury mine,
270 For they are harsh, untuneable, and bad.
271 VALENTINE.
272 Is Silvia dead?
273 PROTEUS.
274 No, Valentine.
275 VALENTINE.
276 No Valentine indeed for sacred Silvia.
277 Hath she forsworn me?
278 PROTEUS.
279 No, Valentine.
280 VALENTINE.
281 No Valentine, if Silvia have forsworn me.
282 What is your news?
283 LANCE.
284 Sir, there is a proclamation that you are vanished.
285 PROTEUS.
286 That thou art banished—O, that’s the news—
287 From hence, from Silvia, and from me thy friend.
288 VALENTINE.
289 O, I have fed upon this woe already,
290 And now excess of it will make me surfeit.
291 Doth Silvia know that I am banished?
292 PROTEUS.
293 Ay, ay; and she hath offered to the doom—
294 Which unreversed stands in effectual force—
295 A sea of melting pearl, which some call tears;
296 Those at her father’s churlish feet she tendered,
297 With them, upon her knees, her humble self,
298 Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became them
299 As if but now they waxed pale for woe.
300 But neither bended knees, pure hands held up,
301 Sad sighs, deep groans, nor silver-shedding tears
302 Could penetrate her uncompassionate sire;
303 But Valentine, if he be ta’en, must die.
304 Besides, her intercession chafed him so,
305 When she for thy repeal was suppliant,
306 That to close prison he commanded her,
307 With many bitter threats of biding there.
308 VALENTINE.
309 No more, unless the next word that thou speak’st
310 Have some malignant power upon my life.
311 If so, I pray thee breathe it in mine ear,
312 As ending anthem of my endless dolour.
313 PROTEUS.
314 Cease to lament for that thou canst not help,
315 And study help for that which thou lament’st.
316 Time is the nurse and breeder of all good.
317 Here if thou stay, thou canst not see thy love;
318 Besides, thy staying will abridge thy life.
319 Hope is a lover’s staff; walk hence with that
320 And manage it against despairing thoughts.
321 Thy letters may be here, though thou art hence,
322 Which, being writ to me, shall be delivered
323 Even in the milk-white bosom of thy love.
324 The time now serves not to expostulate.
325 Come, I’ll convey thee through the city-gate,
326 And, ere I part with thee, confer at large
327 Of all that may concern thy love affairs.
328 As thou lov’st Silvia, though not for thyself,
329 Regard thy danger, and along with me.
330 VALENTINE.
331 I pray thee, Lance, an if thou seest my boy,
332 Bid him make haste and meet me at the North Gate.
333 PROTEUS.
334 Go, sirrah, find him out. Come, Valentine.
335 VALENTINE.
336 O, my dear Silvia! Hapless Valentine!
337 [_Exeunt Valentine and Proteus._]
338 LANCE.
339 I am but a fool, look you, and yet I have the wit to think my master is
340 a kind of a knave; but that’s all one if he be but one knave. He lives
341 not now that knows me to be in love, yet I am in love, but a team of
342 horse shall not pluck that from me, nor who ’tis I love; and yet ’tis a
343 woman, but what woman I will not tell myself; and yet ’tis a milkmaid;
344 yet ’tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips; yet ’tis a maid, for she
345 is her master’s maid and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than
346 a water-spaniel, which is much in a bare Christian. [_Pulls out a
347 paper_.] Here is the cate-log of her condition. _Imprimis, She can
348 fetch and carry_. Why, a horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot
349 fetch but only carry; therefore is she better than a jade. _Item, She
350 can milk_. Look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands.
351 Enter Speed.
352 SPEED.
353 How now, Signior Lance? What news with your mastership?
354 LANCE.
355 With my master’s ship? Why, it is at sea.
356 SPEED.
357 Well, your old vice still: mistake the word. What news, then, in your
358 paper?
359 LANCE.
360 The blackest news that ever thou heard’st.
361 SPEED.
362 Why, man? How black?
363 LANCE.
364 Why, as black as ink.
365 SPEED.
366 Let me read them.
367 LANCE.
368 Fie on thee, jolt-head, thou canst not read.
369 SPEED.
370 Thou liest. I can.
371 LANCE.
372 I will try thee. Tell me this, who begot thee?
373 SPEED.
374 Marry, the son of my grandfather.
375 LANCE.
376 O, illiterate loiterer! It was the son of thy grandmother.
377 This proves that thou canst not read.
378 SPEED.
379 Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper.
380 LANCE.
381 [_Gives him the paper_.] There; and Saint Nicholas be thy speed.
382 SPEED.
383 _Imprimis, She can milk._
384 LANCE.
385 Ay, that she can.
386 SPEED.
387 _Item, She brews good ale._
388 LANCE.
389 And thereof comes the proverb, “Blessing of your heart, you brew good
390 ale.”
391 SPEED.
392 _Item, She can sew._
393 LANCE.
394 That’s as much as to say, “Can she so?”
395 SPEED.
396 _Item, She can knit._
397 LANCE.
398 What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a
399 stock?
400 SPEED.
401 _Item, She can wash and scour._
402 LANCE.
403 A special virtue, for then she need not be washed and scoured.
404 SPEED.
405 _Item, She can spin._
406 LANCE.
407 Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living.
408 SPEED.
409 _Item, She hath many nameless virtues._
410 LANCE.
411 That’s as much as to say, “bastard virtues”, that indeed know not their
412 fathers, and therefore have no names.
413 SPEED.
414 Here follow her vices.
415 LANCE.
416 Close at the heels of her virtues.
417 SPEED.
418 _Item, She is not to be kissed fasting in respect of her breath._
419 LANCE.
420 Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast.
421 Read on.
422 SPEED.
423 _Item, She hath a sweet mouth._
424 LANCE.
425 That makes amends for her sour breath.
426 SPEED.
427 _Item, She doth talk in her sleep._
428 LANCE.
429 It’s no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk.
430 SPEED.
431 _Item, She is slow in words._
432 LANCE.
433 O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words is a
434 woman’s only virtue. I pray thee, out with’t, and place it for her
435 chief virtue.
436 SPEED.
437 _Item, She is proud._
438 LANCE.
439 Out with that too; it was Eve’s legacy and cannot be ta’en from her.
440 SPEED.
441 _Item, She hath no teeth._
442 LANCE.
443 I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.
444 SPEED.
445 _Item, She is curst._
446 LANCE.
447 Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.
448 SPEED.
449 _Item, She will often praise her liquor._
450 LANCE.
451 If her liquor be good, she shall; if she will not, I will, for good
452 things should be praised.
453 SPEED.
454 _Item, She is too liberal._
455 LANCE.
456 Of her tongue she cannot, for that’s writ down she is slow of; of her
457 purse she shall not, for that I’ll keep shut. Now, of another thing she
458 may, and that cannot I help. Well, proceed.
459 SPEED.
460 _Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and
461 more wealth than faults._
462 LANCE.
463 Stop there; I’ll have her. She was mine and not mine twice or thrice in
464 that last article. Rehearse that once more.
465 SPEED.
466 _Item, She hath more hair than wit_—
467 LANCE.
468 More hair than wit. It may be; I’ll prove it: the cover of the salt
469 hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that
470 covers the wit is more than the wit, for the greater hides the less.
471 What’s next?
472 SPEED.
473 _And more faults than hairs._
474 LANCE.
475 That’s monstrous! O, that that were out!
476 SPEED.
477 _And more wealth than faults._
478 LANCE.
479 Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well, I’ll have her; an if it
480 be a match, as nothing is impossible—
481 SPEED.
482 What then?
483 LANCE.
484 Why, then will I tell thee that thy master stays for thee at the North
485 Gate.
486 SPEED.
487 For me?
488 LANCE.
489 For thee? Ay, who art thou? He hath stayed for a better man than thee.
490 SPEED.
491 And must I go to him?
492 LANCE.
493 Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so long that going will
494 scarce serve the turn.
495 SPEED.
496 Why didst not tell me sooner? Pox of your love letters!
497 [_Exit._]
498 LANCE.
499 Now will he be swinged for reading my letter; an unmannerly slave, that
500 will thrust himself into secrets. I’ll after, to rejoice in the boy’s
501 correction.
502 [_Exit._]