The Two Gentlemen Of Verona

1 Enter Lance with his dog Crab.
2 LANCE.
3 When a man’s servant shall play the cur with him, look you, it goes
4 hard: one that I brought up of a puppy; one that I saved from drowning
5 when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it. I have
6 taught him even as one would say precisely, “Thus I would teach a dog.”
7 I was sent to deliver him as a present to Mistress Silvia from my
8 master; and I came no sooner into the dining-chamber but he steps me to
9 her trencher and steals her capon’s leg. O, ’tis a foul thing when a
10 cur cannot keep himself in all companies! I would have, as one should
11 say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a
12 dog at all things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take a fault
13 upon me that he did, I think verily he had been hanged for’t; sure as I
14 live, he had suffered for’t. You shall judge. He thrusts me himself
15 into the company of three or four gentleman-like dogs under the Duke’s
16 table; he had not been there—bless the mark!—a pissing-while but all
17 the chamber smelt him. “Out with the dog!” says one; “What cur is
18 that?” says another; “Whip him out”, says the third; “Hang him up”,
19 says the Duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before, knew it
20 was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs. “Friend,”
21 quoth I, “you mean to whip the dog?” “Ay, marry do I,” quoth he. “You do
22 him the more wrong,” quoth I. “’Twas I did the thing you wot of.” He
23 makes me no more ado but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters
24 would do this for his servant? Nay, I’ll be sworn I have sat in the
25 stock for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed. I
26 have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed, otherwise he had
27 suffered for’t. [_To Crab_.] Thou think’st not of this now. Nay, I
28 remember the trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam Silvia.
29 Did not I bid thee still mark me, and do as I do? When didst thou see
30 me heave up my leg and make water against a gentlewoman’s farthingale?
31 Didst thou ever see me do such a trick?
32 Enter Proteus and Julia disguised as Sebastian.
33 PROTEUS.
34 Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well,
35 And will employ thee in some service presently.
36 JULIA.
37 In what you please; I’ll do what I can.
38 PROTEUS.
39 I hope thou wilt. [_To Lance_.] How now, you whoreson peasant,
40 Where have you been these two days loitering?
41 LANCE.
42 Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Silvia the dog you bade me.
43 PROTEUS.
44 And what says she to my little jewel?
45 LANCE.
46 Marry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you currish thanks is
47 good enough for such a present.
48 PROTEUS.
49 But she received my dog?
50 LANCE.
51 No, indeed, did she not. Here have I brought him back again.
52 PROTEUS.
53 What, didst thou offer her this from me?
54 LANCE.
55 Ay, sir, the other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman’s boys in
56 the market-place, and then I offered her mine own, who is a dog as big
57 as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater.
58 PROTEUS.
59 Go, get thee hence, and find my dog again,
60 Or ne’er return again into my sight.
61 Away, I say. Stayest thou to vex me here?
62 A slave that still an end turns me to shame.
63 [_Exit Lance with Crab._]
64 Sebastian, I have entertained thee
65 Partly that I have need of such a youth
66 That can with some discretion do my business—
67 For ’tis no trusting to yond foolish lout—
68 But chiefly for thy face and thy behaviour,
69 Which, if my augury deceive me not,
70 Witness good bringing up, fortune, and truth.
71 Therefore, know thou, for this I entertain thee.
72 Go presently, and take this ring with thee,
73 Deliver it to Madam Silvia.
74 She loved me well delivered it to me.
75 JULIA.
76 It seems you loved not her, to leave her token.
77 She’s dead belike?
78 PROTEUS.
79 Not so; I think she lives.
80 JULIA.
81 Alas!
82 PROTEUS.
83 Why dost thou cry “Alas”?
84 JULIA.
85 I cannot choose
86 But pity her.
87 PROTEUS.
88 Wherefore shouldst thou pity her?
89 JULIA.
90 Because methinks that she loved you as well
91 As you do love your lady Silvia.
92 She dreams on him that has forgot her love;
93 You dote on her that cares not for your love.
94 ’Tis pity love should be so contrary;
95 And thinking on it makes me cry “Alas.”
96 PROTEUS.
97 Well, give her that ring, and therewithal
98 This letter. That’s her chamber. Tell my lady
99 I claim the promise for her heavenly picture.
100 Your message done, hie home unto my chamber,
101 Where thou shalt find me sad and solitary.
102 [_Exit._]
103 JULIA.
104 How many women would do such a message?
105 Alas, poor Proteus, thou hast entertained
106 A fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs.
107 Alas, poor fool, why do I pity him
108 That with his very heart despiseth me?
109 Because he loves her, he despiseth me;
110 Because I love him, I must pity him.
111 This ring I gave him when he parted from me,
112 To bind him to remember my good will;
113 And now am I, unhappy messenger,
114 To plead for that which I would not obtain,
115 To carry that which I would have refused,
116 To praise his faith, which I would have dispraised.
117 I am my master’s true confirmed love,
118 But cannot be true servant to my master
119 Unless I prove false traitor to myself.
120 Yet will I woo for him, but yet so coldly
121 As, heaven it knows, I would not have him speed.
122 Enter Silvia attended.
123 Gentlewoman, good day. I pray you be my mean
124 To bring me where to speak with Madam Silvia.
125 SILVIA.
126 What would you with her, if that I be she?
127 JULIA.
128 If you be she, I do entreat your patience
129 To hear me speak the message I am sent on.
130 SILVIA.
131 From whom?
132 JULIA.
133 From my master, Sir Proteus, madam.
134 SILVIA.
135 O, he sends you for a picture?
136 JULIA.
137 Ay, madam.
138 SILVIA.
139 Ursula, bring my picture there.
140 [_She is brought the picture._]
141 Go, give your master this. Tell him from me,
142 One Julia, that his changing thoughts forget,
143 Would better fit his chamber than this shadow.
144 JULIA.
145 Madam, please you peruse this letter.
146 [_Gives her a letter._]
147 Pardon me, madam, I have unadvised
148 Delivered you a paper that I should not.
149 This is the letter to your ladyship.
150 [_Takes back the letter and gives her another._]
151 SILVIA.
152 I pray thee, let me look on that again.
153 JULIA.
154 It may not be. Good madam, pardon me.
155 SILVIA.
156 There, hold.
157 I will not look upon your master’s lines.
158 I know they are stuffed with protestations
159 And full of new-found oaths, which he will break
160 As easily as I do tear his paper.
161 [_She tears the second letter._]
162 JULIA.
163 Madam, he sends your ladyship this ring.
164 SILVIA.
165 The more shame for him that he sends it me;
166 For I have heard him say a thousand times
167 His Julia gave it him at his departure.
168 Though his false finger have profaned the ring,
169 Mine shall not do his Julia so much wrong.
170 JULIA.
171 She thanks you.
172 SILVIA.
173 What sayst thou?
174 JULIA.
175 I thank you, madam, that you tender her.
176 Poor gentlewoman, my master wrongs her much.
177 SILVIA.
178 Dost thou know her?
179 JULIA.
180 Almost as well as I do know myself.
181 To think upon her woes, I do protest
182 That I have wept a hundred several times.
183 SILVIA.
184 Belike she thinks that Proteus hath forsook her?
185 JULIA.
186 I think she doth, and that’s her cause of sorrow.
187 SILVIA.
188 Is she not passing fair?
189 JULIA.
190 She hath been fairer, madam, than she is.
191 When she did think my master loved her well,
192 She, in my judgement, was as fair as you.
193 But since she did neglect her looking-glass
194 And threw her sun-expelling mask away,
195 The air hath starved the roses in her cheeks
196 And pinched the lily-tincture of her face,
197 That now she is become as black as I.
198 SILVIA.
199 How tall was she?
200 JULIA.
201 About my stature; for at Pentecost,
202 When all our pageants of delight were played,
203 Our youth got me to play the woman’s part,
204 And I was trimmed in Madam Julia’s gown,
205 Which served me as fit, by all men’s judgements,
206 As if the garment had been made for me;
207 Therefore I know she is about my height.
208 And at that time I made her weep agood,
209 For I did play a lamentable part.
210 Madam, ’twas Ariadne, passioning
211 For Theseus’ perjury and unjust flight,
212 Which I so lively acted with my tears
213 That my poor mistress, moved therewithal,
214 Wept bitterly; and would I might be dead
215 If I in thought felt not her very sorrow.
216 SILVIA.
217 She is beholding to thee, gentle youth.
218 Alas, poor lady, desolate and left!
219 I weep myself to think upon thy words.
220 Here, youth, there is my purse. I give thee this
221 For thy sweet mistress’ sake, because thou lov’st her.
222 Farewell.
223 JULIA.
224 And she shall thank you for’t, if e’er you know her.
225 [_Exeunt Silvia and Attendants._]
226 A virtuous gentlewoman, mild and beautiful.
227 I hope my master’s suit will be but cold,
228 Since she respects my mistress’ love so much.
229 Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
230 Here is her picture; let me see. I think
231 If I had such a tire, this face of mine
232 Were full as lovely as is this of hers;
233 And yet the painter flattered her a little,
234 Unless I flatter with myself too much.
235 Her hair is auburn, mine is perfect yellow;
236 If that be all the difference in his love,
237 I’ll get me such a coloured periwig.
238 Her eyes are grey as glass, and so are mine.
239 Ay, but her forehead’s low, and mine’s as high.
240 What should it be that he respects in her
241 But I can make respective in myself,
242 If this fond Love were not a blinded god?
243 Come, shadow, come, and take this shadow up,
244 For ’tis thy rival. O thou senseless form,
245 Thou shalt be worshipped, kissed, loved, and adored;
246 And were there sense in his idolatry,
247 My substance should be statue in thy stead.
248 I’ll use thee kindly for thy mistress’ sake,
249 That used me so; or else, by Jove I vow,
250 I should have scratched out your unseeing eyes
251 To make my master out of love with thee.
252 [_Exit._]