Much Ado About Nothing

1 Enter Don Pedro, Don John, Leonato, Friar Francis,
2 Claudio, Benedick, Hero, Beatrice &c.
3 LEONATO.
4 Come, Friar Francis, be brief: only to the plain form of
5 marriage, and you shall recount their particular duties afterwards.
6 FRIAR.
7 You come hither, my lord, to marry this lady?
8 CLAUDIO.
9 No.
10 LEONATO.
11 To be married to her, friar; you come to marry her.
12 FRIAR.
13 Lady, you come hither to be married to this Count?
14 HERO.
15 I do.
16 FRIAR.
17 If either of you know any inward impediment, why you should not be
18 conjoined, I charge you, on your souls, to utter it.
19 CLAUDIO.
20 Know you any, Hero?
21 HERO.
22 None, my lord.
23 FRIAR.
24 Know you any, Count?
25 LEONATO.
26 I dare make his answer; none.
27 CLAUDIO.
28 O! what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily do, not
29 knowing what they do!
30 BENEDICK.
31 How now! Interjections? Why then, some be of laughing, as ah!
32 ha! he!
33 CLAUDIO.
34 Stand thee by, Friar. Father, by your leave:
35 Will you with free and unconstrained soul
36 Give me this maid, your daughter?
37 LEONATO.
38 As freely, son, as God did give her me.
39 CLAUDIO.
40 And what have I to give you back whose worth
41 May counterpoise this rich and precious gift?
42 DON PEDRO.
43 Nothing, unless you render her again.
44 CLAUDIO.
45 Sweet Prince, you learn me noble thankfulness.
46 There, Leonato, take her back again:
47 Give not this rotten orange to your friend;
48 She’s but the sign and semblance of her honour.
49 Behold! how like a maid she blushes here.
50 O! what authority and show of truth
51 Can cunning sin cover itself withal.
52 Comes not that blood as modest evidence
53 To witness simple virtue? Would you not swear,
54 All you that see her, that she were a maid,
55 By these exterior shows? But she is none:
56 She knows the heat of a luxurious bed;
57 Her blush is guiltiness, not modesty.
58 LEONATO.
59 What do you mean, my lord?
60 CLAUDIO.
61 Not to be married,
62 Not to knit my soul to an approved wanton.
63 LEONATO.
64 Dear my lord, if you, in your own proof,
65 Have vanquish’d the resistance of her youth,
66 And made defeat of her virginity,—
67 CLAUDIO.
68 I know what you would say: if I have known her,
69 You will say she did embrace me as a husband,
70 And so extenuate the forehand sin: No, Leonato,
71 I never tempted her with word too large;
72 But as a brother to his sister show’d
73 Bashful sincerity and comely love.
74 HERO.
75 And seem’d I ever otherwise to you?
76 CLAUDIO.
77 Out on thee! Seeming! I will write against it:
78 You seem to me as Dian in her orb,
79 As chaste as is the bud ere it be blown;
80 But you are more intemperate in your blood
81 Than Venus, or those pamper’d animals
82 That rage in savage sensuality.
83 HERO.
84 Is my lord well, that he doth speak so wide?
85 LEONATO.
86 Sweet Prince, why speak not you?
87 DON PEDRO.
88 What should I speak?
89 I stand dishonour’d, that have gone about
90 To link my dear friend to a common stale.
91 LEONATO.
92 Are these things spoken, or do I but dream?
93 DON JOHN.
94 Sir, they are spoken, and these things are true.
95 BENEDICK.
96 This looks not like a nuptial.
97 HERO.
98 True! O God!
99 CLAUDIO.
100 Leonato, stand I here?
101 Is this the Prince? Is this the Prince’s brother?
102 Is this face Hero’s? Are our eyes our own?
103 LEONATO.
104 All this is so; but what of this, my lord?
105 CLAUDIO.
106 Let me but move one question to your daughter,
107 And by that fatherly and kindly power
108 That you have in her, bid her answer truly.
109 LEONATO.
110 I charge thee do so, as thou art my child.
111 HERO.
112 O, God defend me! how am I beset!
113 What kind of catechizing call you this?
114 CLAUDIO.
115 To make you answer truly to your name.
116 HERO.
117 Is it not Hero? Who can blot that name
118 With any just reproach?
119 CLAUDIO.
120 Marry, that can Hero:
121 Hero itself can blot out Hero’s virtue.
122 What man was he talk’d with you yesternight
123 Out at your window, betwixt twelve and one?
124 Now, if you are a maid, answer to this.
125 HERO.
126 I talk’d with no man at that hour, my lord.
127 DON PEDRO.
128 Why, then are you no maiden.
129 Leonato, I am sorry you must hear: upon my honour,
130 Myself, my brother, and this grieved Count,
131 Did see her, hear her, at that hour last night,
132 Talk with a ruffian at her chamber window;
133 Who hath indeed, most like a liberal villain,
134 Confess’d the vile encounters they have had
135 A thousand times in secret.
136 DON JOHN.
137 Fie, fie! they are not to be nam’d, my lord,
138 Not to be spoke of;
139 There is not chastity enough in language
140 Without offence to utter them. Thus, pretty lady,
141 I am sorry for thy much misgovernment.
142 CLAUDIO.
143 O Hero! what a Hero hadst thou been,
144 If half thy outward graces had been plac’d
145 About thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart!
146 But fare thee well, most foul, most fair! farewell,
147 Thou pure impiety, and impious purity!
148 For thee I’ll lock up all the gates of love,
149 And on my eyelids shall conjecture hang,
150 To turn all beauty into thoughts of harm,
151 And never shall it more be gracious.
152 LEONATO.
153 Hath no man’s dagger here a point for me?
154 [Hero swoons.]
155 BEATRICE.
156 Why, how now, cousin! wherefore sink you down?
157 DON JOHN.
158 Come, let us go. These things, come thus to light,
159 Smother her spirits up.
160 [Exeunt Don Pedro, Don John and Claudio.]
161 BENEDICK.
162 How doth the lady?
163 BEATRICE.
164 Dead, I think! Help, uncle! Hero! why, Hero! Uncle! Signior
165 Benedick! Friar!
166 LEONATO.
167 O Fate! take not away thy heavy hand:
168 Death is the fairest cover for her shame
169 That may be wish’d for.
170 BEATRICE.
171 How now, cousin Hero?
172 FRIAR.
173 Have comfort, lady.
174 LEONATO.
175 Dost thou look up?
176 FRIAR.
177 Yea; wherefore should she not?
178 LEONATO.
179 Wherefore! Why, doth not every earthly thing
180 Cry shame upon her? Could she here deny
181 The story that is printed in her blood?
182 Do not live, Hero; do not ope thine eyes;
183 For, did I think thou wouldst not quickly die,
184 Thought I thy spirits were stronger than thy shames,
185 Myself would, on the rearward of reproaches,
186 Strike at thy life. Griev’d I, I had but one?
187 Chid I for that at frugal Nature’s frame?
188 O! one too much by thee. Why had I one?
189 Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes?
190 Why had I not with charitable hand
191 Took up a beggar’s issue at my gates,
192 Who smirched thus, and mir’d with infamy,
193 I might have said, ‘No part of it is mine;
194 This shame derives itself from unknown loins?’
195 But mine, and mine I lov’d, and mine I prais’d,
196 And mine that I was proud on, mine so much
197 That I myself was to myself not mine,
198 Valuing of her; why, she—O! she is fallen
199 Into a pit of ink, that the wide sea
200 Hath drops too few to wash her clean again,
201 And salt too little which may season give
202 To her foul tainted flesh.
203 BENEDICK.
204 Sir, sir, be patient.
205 For my part, I am so attir’d in wonder,
206 I know not what to say.
207 BEATRICE.
208 O! on my soul, my cousin is belied!
209 BENEDICK.
210 Lady, were you her bedfellow last night?
211 BEATRICE.
212 No, truly, not; although, until last night,
213 I have this twelvemonth been her bedfellow.
214 LEONATO.
215 Confirm’d, confirm’d! O! that is stronger made,
216 Which was before barr’d up with ribs of iron.
217 Would the two princes lie? and Claudio lie,
218 Who lov’d her so, that, speaking of her foulness,
219 Wash’d it with tears? Hence from her! let her die.
220 FRIAR.
221 Hear me a little;
222 For I have only been silent so long,
223 And given way unto this course of fortune,
224 By noting of the lady: I have mark’d
225 A thousand blushing apparitions
226 To start into her face; a thousand innocent shames
227 In angel whiteness bear away those blushes;
228 And in her eye there hath appear’d a fire,
229 To burn the errors that these princes hold
230 Against her maiden truth. Call me a fool;
231 Trust not my reading nor my observations,
232 Which with experimental seal doth warrant
233 The tenure of my book; trust not my age,
234 My reverence, calling, nor divinity,
235 If this sweet lady lie not guiltless here
236 Under some biting error.
237 LEONATO.
238 Friar, it cannot be.
239 Thou seest that all the grace that she hath left
240 Is that she will not add to her damnation
241 A sin of perjury: she not denies it.
242 Why seek’st thou then to cover with excuse
243 That which appears in proper nakedness?
244 FRIAR.
245 Lady, what man is he you are accus’d of?
246 HERO.
247 They know that do accuse me, I know none;
248 If I know more of any man alive
249 Than that which maiden modesty doth warrant,
250 Let all my sins lack mercy! O, my father!
251 Prove you that any man with me convers’d
252 At hours unmeet, or that I yesternight
253 Maintain’d the change of words with any creature,
254 Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death.
255 FRIAR.
256 There is some strange misprision in the princes.
257 BENEDICK.
258 Two of them have the very bent of honour;
259 And if their wisdoms be misled in this,
260 The practice of it lives in John the bastard,
261 Whose spirits toil in frame of villainies.
262 LEONATO.
263 I know not. If they speak but truth of her,
264 These hands shall tear her; if they wrong her honour,
265 The proudest of them shall well hear of it.
266 Time hath not yet so dried this blood of mine,
267 Nor age so eat up my invention,
268 Nor fortune made such havoc of my means,
269 Nor my bad life reft me so much of friends,
270 But they shall find, awak’d in such a kind,
271 Both strength of limb and policy of mind,
272 Ability in means and choice of friends,
273 To quit me of them throughly.
274 FRIAR.
275 Pause awhile,
276 And let my counsel sway you in this case.
277 Your daughter here the princes left for dead;
278 Let her awhile be secretly kept in,
279 And publish it that she is dead indeed:
280 Maintain a mourning ostentation;
281 And on your family’s old monument
282 Hang mournful epitaphs and do all rites
283 That appertain unto a burial.
284 LEONATO.
285 What shall become of this? What will this do?
286 FRIAR.
287 Marry, this well carried shall on her behalf
288 Change slander to remorse; that is some good.
289 But not for that dream I on this strange course,
290 But on this travail look for greater birth.
291 She dying, as it must be so maintain’d,
292 Upon the instant that she was accus’d,
293 Shall be lamented, pitied and excus’d
294 Of every hearer; for it so falls out
295 That what we have we prize not to the worth
296 Whiles we enjoy it, but being lack’d and lost,
297 Why, then we rack the value, then we find
298 The virtue that possession would not show us
299 Whiles it was ours. So will it fare with Claudio:
300 When he shall hear she died upon his words,
301 The idea of her life shall sweetly creep
302 Into his study of imagination,
303 And every lovely organ of her life
304 Shall come apparell’d in more precious habit,
305 More moving, delicate, and full of life
306 Into the eye and prospect of his soul,
307 Than when she liv’d indeed: then shall he mourn,—
308 If ever love had interest in his liver,—
309 And wish he had not so accused her,
310 No, though he thought his accusation true.
311 Let this be so, and doubt not but success
312 Will fashion the event in better shape
313 Than I can lay it down in likelihood.
314 But if all aim but this be levell’d false,
315 The supposition of the lady’s death
316 Will quench the wonder of her infamy:
317 And if it sort not well, you may conceal her,—
318 As best befits her wounded reputation,—
319 In some reclusive and religious life,
320 Out of all eyes, tongues, minds, and injuries.
321 BENEDICK.
322 Signior Leonato, let the friar advise you:
323 And though you know my inwardness and love
324 Is very much unto the Prince and Claudio,
325 Yet, by mine honour, I will deal in this
326 As secretly and justly as your soul
327 Should with your body.
328 LEONATO.
329 Being that I flow in grief,
330 The smallest twine may lead me.
331 FRIAR.
332 ’Tis well consented: presently away;
333 For to strange sores strangely they strain the cure.
334 Come, lady, die to live: this wedding day
335 Perhaps is but prolong’d: have patience and endure.
336 [Exeunt Friar, Hero and Leonato.]
337 BENEDICK.
338 Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?
339 BEATRICE.
340 Yea, and I will weep a while longer.
341 BENEDICK.
342 I will not desire that.
343 BEATRICE.
344 You have no reason; I do it freely.
345 BENEDICK.
346 Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.
347 BEATRICE.
348 Ah! how much might the man deserve of me that would right her.
349 BENEDICK.
350 Is there any way to show such friendship?
351 BEATRICE.
352 A very even way, but no such friend.
353 BENEDICK.
354 May a man do it?
355 BEATRICE.
356 It is a man’s office, but not yours.
357 BENEDICK.
358 I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?
359 BEATRICE.
360 As strange as the thing I know not. It were as possible for
361 me to say I loved nothing so well as you; but believe me not, and yet
362 I lie not; I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my
363 cousin.
364 BENEDICK.
365 By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.
366 BEATRICE.
367 Do not swear by it, and eat it.
368 BENEDICK.
369 I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make him eat it
370 that says I love not you.
371 BEATRICE.
372 Will you not eat your word?
373 BENEDICK.
374 With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I love thee.
375 BEATRICE.
376 Why then, God forgive me!
377 BENEDICK.
378 What offence, sweet Beatrice?
379 BEATRICE.
380 You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to protest I loved you.
381 BENEDICK.
382 And do it with all thy heart.
383 BEATRICE.
384 I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.
385 BENEDICK.
386 Come, bid me do anything for thee.
387 BEATRICE.
388 Kill Claudio.
389 BENEDICK.
390 Ha! not for the wide world.
391 BEATRICE.
392 You kill me to deny it. Farewell.
393 BENEDICK.
394 Tarry, sweet Beatrice.
395 BEATRICE.
396 I am gone, though I am here: there is no love in you: nay, I
397 pray you, let me go.
398 BENEDICK.
399 Beatrice,—
400 BEATRICE.
401 In faith, I will go.
402 BENEDICK.
403 We’ll be friends first.
404 BEATRICE.
405 You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy.
406 BENEDICK.
407 Is Claudio thine enemy?
408 BEATRICE.
409 Is he not approved in the height a villain, that hath slandered,
410 scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O! that I were a man. What! bear her in
411 hand until they come to take hands, and then, with public accusation,
412 uncovered slander, unmitigated rancour,—O God, that I were a man! I would
413 eat his heart in the market-place.
414 BENEDICK.
415 Hear me, Beatrice,—
416 BEATRICE.
417 Talk with a man out at a window! a proper saying!
418 BENEDICK.
419 Nay, but Beatrice,—
420 BEATRICE.
421 Sweet Hero! she is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone.
422 BENEDICK.
423 Beat—
424 BEATRICE.
425 Princes and Counties! Surely, a princely testimony, a goodly
426 Count Comfect; a sweet gallant, surely! O! that I were a man for his sake,
427 or that I had any friend would be a man for my sake! But manhood is melted
428 into curtsies, valour into compliment, and men are only turned into tongue,
429 and trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules, that only tells a lie
430 and swears it. I cannot be a man with wishing, therefore I will die a
431 woman with grieving.
432 BENEDICK.
433 Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.
434 BEATRICE.
435 Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.
436 BENEDICK.
437 Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?
438 BEATRICE.
439 Yea, as sure is I have a thought or a soul.
440 BENEDICK.
441 Enough! I am engaged, I will challenge him. I will kiss your
442 hand, and so leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall render me a dear
443 account. As you hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort your cousin: I
444 must say she is dead; and so, farewell.
445 [Exeunt.]