Much Ado About Nothing

1 Enter Leonato and Dogberry
2 and Verges.
3 LEONATO.
4 What would you with me, honest neighbour?
5 DOGBERRY.
6 Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you, that decerns
7 you nearly.
8 LEONATO.
9 Brief, I pray you; for you see it is a busy time with me.
10 DOGBERRY.
11 Marry, this it is, sir.
12 VERGES.
13 Yes, in truth it is, sir.
14 LEONATO.
15 What is it, my good friends?
16 DOGBERRY.
17 Goodman Verges, sir, speaks a little off the matter: an old man,
18 sir, and his wits are not so blunt as, God help, I would desire they were;
19 but, in faith, honest as the skin between his brows.
20 VERGES.
21 Yes, I thank God, I am as honest as any man living, that is an old
22 man and no honester than I.
23 DOGBERRY.
24 Comparisons are odorous: palabras, neighbour Verges.
25 LEONATO.
26 Neighbours, you are tedious.
27 DOGBERRY.
28 It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the poor Duke’s
29 officers; but truly, for mine own part, if I were as tedious as a king, I
30 could find in my heart to bestow it all of your worship.
31 LEONATO.
32 All thy tediousness on me! ah?
33 DOGBERRY.
34 Yea, and ’twere a thousand pound more than ’tis;
35 for I hear as good exclamation on your worship, as of any man in the
36 city, and though I be but a poor man, I am glad to hear it.
37 VERGES.
38 And so am I.
39 LEONATO.
40 I would fain know what you have to say.
41 VERGES.
42 Marry, sir, our watch tonight, excepting your worship’s
43 presence, ha’ ta’en a couple of as arrant knaves as any in
44 Messina.
45 DOGBERRY.
46 A good old man, sir; he will be talking; as they say, ‘when
47 the age is in, the wit is out.’ God help us! it is a world to see!
48 Well said, i’ faith, neighbour Verges: well, God’s a good man;
49 and two men ride of a horse, one must ride behind. An honest soul, i’
50 faith, sir; by my troth he is, as ever broke bread; but God is to be
51 worshipped: all men are not alike; alas! good neighbour.
52 LEONATO.
53 Indeed, neighbour, he comes too short of you.
54 DOGBERRY.
55 Gifts that God gives.
56 LEONATO.
57 I must leave you.
58 DOGBERRY.
59 One word, sir: our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended two
60 aspicious persons, and we would have them this morning examined before
61 your worship.
62 LEONATO.
63 Take their examination yourself, and bring it me: I am now in
64 great haste, as may appear unto you.
65 DOGBERRY.
66 It shall be suffigance.
67 LEONATO.
68 Drink some wine ere you go: fare you well.
69 Enter a Messenger.
70 MESSENGER.
71 My lord, they stay for you to give your daughter to her husband.
72 LEONATO.
73 I’ll wait upon them: I am ready.
74 [Exeunt Leonato and Messenger.]
75 DOGBERRY.
76 Go, good partner, go get you to Francis Seacoal; bid him bring
77 his pen and inkhorn to the gaol: we are now to examination these men.
78 VERGES.
79 And we must do it wisely.
80 DOGBERRY.
81 We will spare for no wit, I warrant you; here’s that shall
82 drive some of them to a non-come: only get the learned writer to set down
83 our excommunication, and meet me at the gaol.
84 [Exeunt.]