The Comedy Of Errors

1 Enter Merchant and Angelo.
2 ANGELO.
3 I am sorry, sir, that I have hinder’d you,
4 But I protest he had the chain of me,
5 Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.
6 MERCHANT.
7 How is the man esteem’d here in the city?
8 ANGELO.
9 Of very reverend reputation, sir,
10 Of credit infinite, highly belov’d,
11 Second to none that lives here in the city.
12 His word might bear my wealth at any time.
13 MERCHANT.
14 Speak softly. Yonder, as I think, he walks.
15 Enter Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse.
16 ANGELO.
17 ’Tis so; and that self chain about his neck
18 Which he forswore most monstrously to have.
19 Good sir, draw near to me, I’ll speak to him.
20 Signior Antipholus, I wonder much
21 That you would put me to this shame and trouble,
22 And not without some scandal to yourself,
23 With circumstance and oaths so to deny
24 This chain, which now you wear so openly.
25 Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment,
26 You have done wrong to this my honest friend,
27 Who, but for staying on our controversy,
28 Had hoisted sail and put to sea today.
29 This chain you had of me, can you deny it?
30 ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
31 I think I had: I never did deny it.
32 MERCHANT.
33 Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.
34 ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
35 Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?
36 MERCHANT.
37 These ears of mine, thou know’st, did hear thee.
38 Fie on thee, wretch. ’Tis pity that thou liv’st
39 To walk where any honest men resort.
40 ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
41 Thou art a villain to impeach me thus;
42 I’ll prove mine honour and mine honesty
43 Against thee presently, if thou dar’st stand.
44 MERCHANT.
45 I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.
46 [_They draw._]
47 Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan and others.
48 ADRIANA.
49 Hold, hurt him not, for God’s sake, he is mad.
50 Some get within him, take his sword away.
51 Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.
52 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
53 Run, master, run, for God’s sake, take a house.
54 This is some priory; in, or we are spoil’d.
55 [_Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse to the
56 priory._]
57 Enter Lady Abbess.
58 ABBESS.
59 Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?
60 ADRIANA.
61 To fetch my poor distracted husband hence.
62 Let us come in, that we may bind him fast
63 And bear him home for his recovery.
64 ANGELO.
65 I knew he was not in his perfect wits.
66 MERCHANT.
67 I am sorry now that I did draw on him.
68 ABBESS.
69 How long hath this possession held the man?
70 ADRIANA.
71 This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,
72 And much different from the man he was.
73 But till this afternoon his passion
74 Ne’er brake into extremity of rage.
75 ABBESS.
76 Hath he not lost much wealth by wreck of sea?
77 Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye
78 Stray’d his affection in unlawful love?
79 A sin prevailing much in youthful men
80 Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing?
81 Which of these sorrows is he subject to?
82 ADRIANA.
83 To none of these, except it be the last,
84 Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.
85 ABBESS.
86 You should for that have reprehended him.
87 ADRIANA.
88 Why, so I did.
89 ABBESS.
90 Ay, but not rough enough.
91 ADRIANA.
92 As roughly as my modesty would let me.
93 ABBESS.
94 Haply in private.
95 ADRIANA.
96 And in assemblies too.
97 ABBESS.
98 Ay, but not enough.
99 ADRIANA.
100 It was the copy of our conference.
101 In bed he slept not for my urging it;
102 At board he fed not for my urging it;
103 Alone, it was the subject of my theme;
104 In company I often glanced it;
105 Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.
106 ABBESS.
107 And thereof came it that the man was mad.
108 The venom clamours of a jealous woman
109 Poisons more deadly than a mad dog’s tooth.
110 It seems his sleeps were hindered by thy railing,
111 And thereof comes it that his head is light.
112 Thou say’st his meat was sauc’d with thy upbraidings.
113 Unquiet meals make ill digestions;
114 Thereof the raging fire of fever bred,
115 And what’s a fever but a fit of madness?
116 Thou say’st his sports were hinder’d by thy brawls.
117 Sweet recreation barr’d, what doth ensue
118 But moody and dull melancholy,
119 Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,
120 And at her heels a huge infectious troop
121 Of pale distemperatures and foes to life?
122 In food, in sport, and life-preserving rest
123 To be disturb’d would mad or man or beast.
124 The consequence is, then, thy jealous fits
125 Hath scar’d thy husband from the use of’s wits.
126 LUCIANA.
127 She never reprehended him but mildly,
128 When he demean’d himself rough, rude, and wildly.
129 Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?
130 ADRIANA.
131 She did betray me to my own reproof.
132 Good people, enter and lay hold on him.
133 ABBESS.
134 No, not a creature enters in my house.
135 ADRIANA.
136 Then let your servants bring my husband forth.
137 ABBESS.
138 Neither. He took this place for sanctuary,
139 And it shall privilege him from your hands
140 Till I have brought him to his wits again,
141 Or lose my labour in assaying it.
142 ADRIANA.
143 I will attend my husband, be his nurse,
144 Diet his sickness, for it is my office,
145 And will have no attorney but myself;
146 And therefore let me have him home with me.
147 ABBESS.
148 Be patient, for I will not let him stir
149 Till I have used the approved means I have,
150 With wholesome syrups, drugs, and holy prayers,
151 To make of him a formal man again.
152 It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,
153 A charitable duty of my order;
154 Therefore depart, and leave him here with me.
155 ADRIANA.
156 I will not hence and leave my husband here;
157 And ill it doth beseem your holiness
158 To separate the husband and the wife.
159 ABBESS.
160 Be quiet and depart. Thou shalt not have him.
161 [_Exit Abbess._]
162 LUCIANA.
163 Complain unto the duke of this indignity.
164 ADRIANA.
165 Come, go. I will fall prostrate at his feet,
166 And never rise until my tears and prayers
167 Have won his grace to come in person hither
168 And take perforce my husband from the abbess.
169 MERCHANT.
170 By this, I think, the dial points at five.
171 Anon, I’m sure, the Duke himself in person
172 Comes this way to the melancholy vale,
173 The place of death and sorry execution
174 Behind the ditches of the abbey here.
175 ANGELO.
176 Upon what cause?
177 MERCHANT.
178 To see a reverend Syracusian merchant,
179 Who put unluckily into this bay
180 Against the laws and statutes of this town,
181 Beheaded publicly for his offence.
182 ANGELO.
183 See where they come. We will behold his death.
184 LUCIANA.
185 Kneel to the Duke before he pass the abbey.
186 Enter the Duke, attended; Egeon, bareheaded; with the Headsman and
187 other Officers.
188 DUKE.
189 Yet once again proclaim it publicly,
190 If any friend will pay the sum for him,
191 He shall not die; so much we tender him.
192 ADRIANA.
193 Justice, most sacred duke, against the abbess!
194 DUKE.
195 She is a virtuous and a reverend lady,
196 It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.
197 ADRIANA.
198 May it please your grace, Antipholus, my husband,
199 Who I made lord of me and all I had
200 At your important letters, this ill day
201 A most outrageous fit of madness took him;
202 That desp’rately he hurried through the street,
203 With him his bondman all as mad as he,
204 Doing displeasure to the citizens
205 By rushing in their houses, bearing thence
206 Rings, jewels, anything his rage did like.
207 Once did I get him bound and sent him home,
208 Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went,
209 That here and there his fury had committed.
210 Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,
211 He broke from those that had the guard of him,
212 And with his mad attendant and himself,
213 Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords,
214 Met us again, and, madly bent on us,
215 Chased us away; till raising of more aid,
216 We came again to bind them. Then they fled
217 Into this abbey, whither we pursued them.
218 And here the abbess shuts the gates on us,
219 And will not suffer us to fetch him out,
220 Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.
221 Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command
222 Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help.
223 DUKE.
224 Long since thy husband serv’d me in my wars,
225 And I to thee engag’d a prince’s word,
226 When thou didst make him master of thy bed,
227 To do him all the grace and good I could.
228 Go, some of you, knock at the abbey gate,
229 And bid the lady abbess come to me.
230 I will determine this before I stir.
231 Enter a Messenger.
232 MESSENGER.
233 O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself.
234 My master and his man are both broke loose,
235 Beaten the maids a-row, and bound the doctor,
236 Whose beard they have singed off with brands of fire,
237 And ever as it blazed they threw on him
238 Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair.
239 My master preaches patience to him, and the while
240 His man with scissors nicks him like a fool;
241 And sure (unless you send some present help)
242 Between them they will kill the conjurer.
243 ADRIANA.
244 Peace, fool, thy master and his man are here,
245 And that is false thou dost report to us.
246 MESSENGER.
247 Mistress, upon my life, I tell you true.
248 I have not breath’d almost since I did see it.
249 He cries for you, and vows, if he can take you,
250 To scorch your face and to disfigure you.
251 [_Cry within._]
252 Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress. Fly, be gone!
253 DUKE.
254 Come, stand by me, fear nothing. Guard with halberds.
255 ADRIANA.
256 Ay me, it is my husband. Witness you
257 That he is borne about invisible.
258 Even now we hous’d him in the abbey here,
259 And now he’s there, past thought of human reason.
260 Enter Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.
261 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
262 Justice, most gracious duke; O, grant me justice!
263 Even for the service that long since I did thee
264 When I bestrid thee in the wars, and took
265 Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood
266 That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.
267 EGEON.
268 Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,
269 I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.
270 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
271 Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there.
272 She whom thou gav’st to me to be my wife;
273 That hath abused and dishonour’d me
274 Even in the strength and height of injury.
275 Beyond imagination is the wrong
276 That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.
277 DUKE.
278 Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.
279 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
280 This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me
281 While she with harlots feasted in my house.
282 DUKE.
283 A grievous fault. Say, woman, didst thou so?
284 ADRIANA.
285 No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister
286 Today did dine together. So befall my soul
287 As this is false he burdens me withal.
288 LUCIANA.
289 Ne’er may I look on day nor sleep on night
290 But she tells to your highness simple truth.
291 ANGELO.
292 O perjur’d woman! They are both forsworn.
293 In this the madman justly chargeth them.
294 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
295 My liege, I am advised what I say,
296 Neither disturb’d with the effect of wine,
297 Nor heady-rash, provok’d with raging ire,
298 Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.
299 This woman lock’d me out this day from dinner.
300 That goldsmith there, were he not pack’d with her,
301 Could witness it, for he was with me then,
302 Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,
303 Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
304 Where Balthasar and I did dine together.
305 Our dinner done, and he not coming thither,
306 I went to seek him. In the street I met him,
307 And in his company that gentleman.
308 There did this perjur’d goldsmith swear me down
309 That I this day of him receiv’d the chain,
310 Which, God he knows, I saw not. For the which
311 He did arrest me with an officer.
312 I did obey, and sent my peasant home
313 For certain ducats. He with none return’d.
314 Then fairly I bespoke the officer
315 To go in person with me to my house.
316 By th’ way we met
317 My wife, her sister, and a rabble more
318 Of vile confederates. Along with them
319 They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain,
320 A mere anatomy, a mountebank,
321 A threadbare juggler, and a fortune-teller;
322 A needy, hollow-ey’d, sharp-looking wretch;
323 A living dead man. This pernicious slave,
324 Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,
325 And gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,
326 And with no face (as ’twere) outfacing me,
327 Cries out, I was possess’d. Then altogether
328 They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence,
329 And in a dark and dankish vault at home
330 There left me and my man, both bound together,
331 Till gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,
332 I gain’d my freedom and immediately
333 Ran hither to your Grace, whom I beseech
334 To give me ample satisfaction
335 For these deep shames and great indignities.
336 ANGELO.
337 My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him,
338 That he din’d not at home, but was lock’d out.
339 DUKE.
340 But had he such a chain of thee, or no?
341 ANGELO.
342 He had, my lord, and when he ran in here
343 These people saw the chain about his neck.
344 MERCHANT.
345 Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine
346 Heard you confess you had the chain of him,
347 After you first forswore it on the mart,
348 And thereupon I drew my sword on you;
349 And then you fled into this abbey here,
350 From whence I think you are come by miracle.
351 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
352 I never came within these abbey walls,
353 Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me.
354 I never saw the chain, so help me heaven;
355 And this is false you burden me withal.
356 DUKE.
357 Why, what an intricate impeach is this!
358 I think you all have drunk of Circe’s cup.
359 If here you hous’d him, here he would have been.
360 If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly.
361 You say he din’d at home, the goldsmith here
362 Denies that saying. Sirrah, what say you?
363 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
364 Sir, he dined with her there, at the Porpentine.
365 COURTESAN.
366 He did, and from my finger snatch’d that ring.
367 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
368 ’Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her.
369 DUKE.
370 Saw’st thou him enter at the abbey here?
371 COURTESAN.
372 As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.
373 DUKE.
374 Why, this is strange. Go call the abbess hither.
375 I think you are all mated, or stark mad.
376 [_Exit one to the Abbess._]
377 EGEON.
378 Most mighty Duke, vouchsafe me speak a word;
379 Haply I see a friend will save my life
380 And pay the sum that may deliver me.
381 DUKE.
382 Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.
383 EGEON.
384 Is not your name, sir, call’d Antipholus?
385 And is not that your bondman Dromio?
386 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
387 Within this hour I was his bondman, sir,
388 But he, I thank him, gnaw’d in two my cords.
389 Now am I Dromio, and his man, unbound.
390 EGEON.
391 I am sure you both of you remember me.
392 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
393 Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you.
394 For lately we were bound as you are now.
395 You are not Pinch’s patient, are you, sir?
396 EGEON.
397 Why look you strange on me? you know me well.
398 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
399 I never saw you in my life till now.
400 EGEON.
401 O! grief hath chang’d me since you saw me last,
402 And careful hours with time’s deformed hand,
403 Have written strange defeatures in my face.
404 But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?
405 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
406 Neither.
407 EGEON.
408 Dromio, nor thou?
409 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
410 No, trust me, sir, nor I.
411 EGEON.
412 I am sure thou dost.
413 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
414 Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not, and whatsoever a man denies, you are
415 now bound to believe him.
416 EGEON.
417 Not know my voice! O time’s extremity,
418 Hast thou so crack’d and splitted my poor tongue
419 In seven short years that here my only son
420 Knows not my feeble key of untun’d cares?
421 Though now this grained face of mine be hid
422 In sap-consuming winter’s drizzled snow,
423 And all the conduits of my blood froze up,
424 Yet hath my night of life some memory,
425 My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,
426 My dull deaf ears a little use to hear.
427 All these old witnesses, I cannot err,
428 Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.
429 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
430 I never saw my father in my life.
431 EGEON.
432 But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,
433 Thou know’st we parted; but perhaps, my son,
434 Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery.
435 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
436 The duke and all that know me in the city,
437 Can witness with me that it is not so.
438 I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life.
439 DUKE.
440 I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years
441 Have I been patron to Antipholus,
442 During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa.
443 I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.
444 Enter the Abbess with Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse.
445 ABBESS.
446 Most mighty duke, behold a man much wrong’d.
447 [_All gather to see them._]
448 ADRIANA.
449 I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.
450 DUKE.
451 One of these men is _genius_ to the other;
452 And so of these, which is the natural man,
453 And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?
454 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
455 I, sir, am Dromio, command him away.
456 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
457 I, sir, am Dromio, pray let me stay.
458 ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
459 Egeon, art thou not? or else his ghost?
460 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
461 O, my old master, who hath bound him here?
462 ABBESS.
463 Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds,
464 And gain a husband by his liberty.
465 Speak, old Egeon, if thou be’st the man
466 That hadst a wife once called Emilia,
467 That bore thee at a burden two fair sons.
468 O, if thou be’st the same Egeon, speak,
469 And speak unto the same Emilia!
470 DUKE.
471 Why, here begins his morning story right:
472 These two Antipholus’, these two so like,
473 And these two Dromios, one in semblance,
474 Besides her urging of her wreck at sea.
475 These are the parents to these children,
476 Which accidentally are met together.
477 EGEON.
478 If I dream not, thou art Emilia.
479 If thou art she, tell me where is that son
480 That floated with thee on the fatal raft?
481 ABBESS.
482 By men of Epidamnum, he and I
483 And the twin Dromio, all were taken up;
484 But, by and by, rude fishermen of Corinth
485 By force took Dromio and my son from them,
486 And me they left with those of Epidamnum.
487 What then became of them I cannot tell;
488 I to this fortune that you see me in.
489 DUKE.
490 Antipholus, thou cam’st from Corinth first?
491 ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
492 No, sir, not I, I came from Syracuse.
493 DUKE.
494 Stay, stand apart, I know not which is which.
495 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
496 I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord.
497 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
498 And I with him.
499 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
500 Brought to this town by that most famous warrior,
501 Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.
502 ADRIANA.
503 Which of you two did dine with me today?
504 ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
505 I, gentle mistress.
506 ADRIANA.
507 And are not you my husband?
508 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
509 No, I say nay to that.
510 ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
511 And so do I, yet did she call me so;
512 And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,
513 Did call me brother. What I told you then,
514 I hope I shall have leisure to make good,
515 If this be not a dream I see and hear.
516 ANGELO.
517 That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.
518 ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
519 I think it be, sir. I deny it not.
520 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
521 And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.
522 ANGELO.
523 I think I did, sir. I deny it not.
524 ADRIANA.
525 I sent you money, sir, to be your bail
526 By Dromio, but I think he brought it not.
527 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
528 No, none by me.
529 ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
530 This purse of ducats I receiv’d from you,
531 And Dromio my man did bring them me.
532 I see we still did meet each other’s man,
533 And I was ta’en for him, and he for me,
534 And thereupon these errors are arose.
535 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
536 These ducats pawn I for my father here.
537 DUKE.
538 It shall not need, thy father hath his life.
539 COURTESAN.
540 Sir, I must have that diamond from you.
541 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
542 There, take it, and much thanks for my good cheer.
543 ABBESS.
544 Renowned duke, vouchsafe to take the pains
545 To go with us into the abbey here,
546 And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes;
547 And all that are assembled in this place,
548 That by this sympathised one day’s error
549 Have suffer’d wrong, go, keep us company,
550 And we shall make full satisfaction.
551 Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail
552 Of you, my sons, and till this present hour
553 My heavy burden ne’er delivered.
554 The duke, my husband, and my children both,
555 And you, the calendars of their nativity,
556 Go to a gossips’ feast, and go with me.
557 After so long grief, such nativity.
558 DUKE.
559 With all my heart, I’ll gossip at this feast.
560 [_Exeunt except the two Dromios and two Brothers._]
561 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
562 Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?
563 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
564 Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embark’d?
565 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
566 Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.
567 ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
568 He speaks to me; I am your master, Dromio.
569 Come, go with us. We’ll look to that anon.
570 Embrace thy brother there, rejoice with him.
571 [_Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Antipholus of Ephesus._]
572 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
573 There is a fat friend at your master’s house,
574 That kitchen’d me for you today at dinner.
575 She now shall be my sister, not my wife.
576 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
577 Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother.
578 I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth.
579 Will you walk in to see their gossiping?
580 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
581 Not I, sir, you are my elder.
582 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
583 That’s a question, how shall we try it?
584 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
585 We’ll draw cuts for the senior. Till then, lead thou first.
586 DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
587 Nay, then, thus:
588 We came into the world like brother and brother,
589 And now let’s go hand in hand, not one before another.
590 [_Exeunt._]