The First Part Of King Henry The Fourth

1 Enter a Carrier with a lantern in his hand.
2 FIRST CARRIER.
3 Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I’ll be hang’d. Charles’ wain
4 is over the new chimney, and yet our horse not pack’d.—What, ostler!
5 OSTLER.
6 [_within._] Anon, anon.
7 FIRST CARRIER.
8 I prithee, Tom, beat Cut’s saddle, put a few flocks in the point; poor
9 jade is wrung in the withers out of all cess.
10 Enter another Carrier.
11 SECOND CARRIER.
12 Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that is the next way to
13 give poor jades the bots. This house is turned upside down since Robin
14 ostler died.
15 FIRST CARRIER.
16 Poor fellow never joyed since the price of oats rose, it was the death
17 of him.
18 SECOND CARRIER.
19 I think this be the most villainous house in all London road for fleas.
20 I am stung like a tench.
21 FIRST CARRIER.
22 Like a tench! By the Mass, there is ne’er a king christen could be
23 better bit than I have been since the first cock.
24 SECOND CARRIER.
25 Why, they will allow us ne’er a jordan, and then we leak in your
26 chimney, and your chamber-lye breeds fleas like a loach.
27 FIRST CARRIER.
28 What, ostler! Come away and be hanged, come away.
29 SECOND CARRIER.
30 I have a gammon of bacon and two razes of ginger, to be delivered as
31 far as Charing Cross.
32 FIRST CARRIER.
33 God’s body! The turkeys in my pannier are quite starved.—What, ostler!
34 A plague on thee! Hast thou never an eye in thy head? Canst not hear?
35 An ’twere not as good deed as drink to break the pate on thee, I am a
36 very villain. Come, and be hanged. Hast no faith in thee?
37 Enter Gadshill.
38 GADSHILL.
39 Good morrow, carriers. What’s o’clock?
40 FIRST CARRIER.
41 I think it be two o’clock.
42 GADSHILL.
43 I prithee, lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding in the stable.
44 FIRST CARRIER.
45 Nay, by God, soft! I know a trick worth two of that, i’faith.
46 GADSHILL.
47 I pray thee, lend me thine.
48 SECOND CARRIER.
49 Ay, when? Canst tell? “Lend me thy lantern,” quoth he! Marry, I’ll see
50 thee hanged first.
51 GADSHILL.
52 Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?
53 SECOND CARRIER.
54 Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant thee. Come, neighbour
55 Mugs, we’ll call up the gentlemen. They will along with company, for
56 they have great charge.
57 [_Exeunt Carriers._]
58 GADSHILL.
59 What, ho! Chamberlain!
60 Enter Chamberlain.
61 CHAMBERLAIN.
62 At hand, quoth pick-purse.
63 GADSHILL.
64 That’s even as fair as “at hand, quoth the chamberlain,” for thou
65 variest no more from picking of purses than giving direction doth from
66 labouring; thou layest the plot how.
67 CHAMBERLAIN.
68 Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that I told you
69 yesternight: there’s a franklin in the Wild of Kent hath brought three
70 hundred marks with him in gold. I heard him tell it to one of his
71 company last night at supper; a kind of auditor, one that hath
72 abundance of charge too, God knows what. They are up already, and call
73 for eggs and butter. They will away presently.
74 GADSHILL.
75 Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas’ clerks, I’ll give thee
76 this neck.
77 CHAMBERLAIN.
78 No, I’ll none of it. I pray thee, keep that for the hangman, for I know
79 thou worshippest Saint Nicholas as truly as a man of falsehood may.
80 GADSHILL.
81 What talkest thou to me of the hangman? If I hang, I’ll make a fat pair
82 of gallows; for, if I hang, old Sir John hangs with me, and thou
83 knowest he is no starveling. Tut, there are other Troyans that thou
84 dream’st not of, the which for sport sake are content to do the
85 profession some grace, that would, if matters should be looked into,
86 for their own credit sake make all whole. I am joined with no
87 foot-land-rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers, none of these mad
88 mustachio purple-hued malt-worms, but with nobility and tranquillity,
89 burgomasters and great oneyers, such as can hold in, such as will
90 strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner
91 than pray: and yet, zounds, I lie, for they pray continually to their
92 saint the commonwealth, or rather not pray to her, but prey on her, for
93 they ride up and down on her, and make her their boots.
94 CHAMBERLAIN.
95 What, the commonwealth their boots? Will she hold out water in foul
96 way?
97 GADSHILL.
98 She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We steal as in a castle,
99 cock-sure; we have the receipt of fern-seed, we walk invisible.
100 CHAMBERLAIN.
101 Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to the night than to
102 fern-seed for your walking invisible.
103 GADSHILL.
104 Give me thy hand. Thou shalt have a share in our purchase, as I am a
105 true man.
106 CHAMBERLAIN.
107 Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief.
108 GADSHILL.
109 Go to; _homo_ is a common name to all men. Bid the ostler bring my
110 gelding out of the stable. Farewell, you muddy knave.
111 [_Exeunt._]