The First Part Of King Henry The Fourth

1 Enter Prince Henry and Poins; Bardolph and Peto at some distance.
2 POINS.
3 Come, shelter, shelter! I have removed Falstaff’s horse, and he frets
4 like a gummed velvet.
5 PRINCE.
6 Stand close.
7 [_They retire._]
8 Enter Falstaff.
9 FALSTAFF.
10 Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!
11 PRINCE.
12 [_Coming forward._]
13 Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! What a brawling dost thou keep!
14 FALSTAFF.
15 Where’s Poins, Hal?
16 PRINCE.
17 He is walked up to the top of the hill. I’ll go seek him.
18 [_Retires._]
19 FALSTAFF.
20 I am accursed to rob in that thief’s company. The rascal hath removed
21 my horse and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by
22 the square further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but
23 to die a fair death for all this, if I ’scape hanging for killing that
24 rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two-and-twenty
25 years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue’s company. If the rascal
26 have not given me medicines to make me love him, I’ll be hanged. It
27 could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! A plague upon
28 you both! Bardolph! Peto! I’ll starve ere I’ll rob a foot further. An
29 ’twere not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man, and to leave
30 these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth.
31 Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me,
32 and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough. A plague upon it
33 when thieves cannot be true one to another! [_They whistle._] Whew! A
34 plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues, give me my horse and
35 be hanged!
36 PRINCE.
37 [_Coming forward._] Peace, you fat guts, lie down, lay thine ear close
38 to the ground, and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers.
39 FALSTAFF.
40 Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down? ’Sblood, I’ll not
41 bear my own flesh so far afoot again for all the coin in thy father’s
42 exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?
43 PRINCE.
44 Thou liest, thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.
45 FALSTAFF.
46 I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king’s son.
47 PRINCE.
48 Out, ye rogue! Shall I be your ostler?
49 FALSTAFF.
50 Hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters! If I be ta’en, I’ll
51 peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you all, and sung to
52 filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison—when a jest is so forward,
53 and afoot too! I hate it.
54 Enter Gadshill.
55 GADSHILL.
56 Stand!
57 FALSTAFF.
58 So I do, against my will.
59 POINS.
60 O, ’tis our setter. I know his voice.
61 Comes forward with Bardolph and Peto.
62 BARDOLPH.
63 What news?
64 GADSHILL.
65 Case ye, case ye, on with your visards. There’s money of the King’s
66 coming down the hill, ’tis going to the King’s exchequer.
67 FALSTAFF.
68 You lie, ye rogue, ’tis going to the King’s tavern.
69 GADSHILL.
70 There’s enough to make us all.
71 FALSTAFF.
72 To be hanged.
73 PRINCE.
74 Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane. Ned Poins and I
75 will walk lower; if they ’scape from your encounter, then they light on
76 us.
77 PETO.
78 How many be there of them?
79 GADSHILL.
80 Some eight or ten.
81 FALSTAFF.
82 Zounds, will they not rob us?
83 PRINCE.
84 What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?
85 FALSTAFF.
86 Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather, but yet no coward,
87 Hal.
88 PRINCE.
89 Well, we leave that to the proof.
90 POINS.
91 Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge. When thou need’st him,
92 there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast.
93 FALSTAFF.
94 Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.
95 PRINCE.
96 [_aside to Poins._] Ned, where are our disguises?
97 POINS.
98 [_aside to Prince Henry._] Here, hard by. Stand close.
99 [_Exeunt Prince and Poins._]
100 FALSTAFF.
101 Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I. Every man to his
102 business.
103 Enter the Travellers.
104 FIRST TRAVELLER.
105 Come, neighbour, the boy shall lead our horses down the hill; we’ll
106 walk afoot awhile and ease our legs.
107 THIEVES.
108 Stand!
109 SECOND TRAVELLER.
110 Jesu bless us!
111 FALSTAFF.
112 Strike, down with them, cut the villains’ throats! Ah, whoreson
113 caterpillars, bacon-fed knaves, they hate us youth. Down with them,
114 fleece them!
115 FIRST TRAVELLER.
116 O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever!
117 FALSTAFF.
118 Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No, ye fat chuffs, I would
119 your store were here! On, bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must
120 live. You are grandjurors, are ye? We’ll jure ye, faith.
121 [_Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt_]
122 Enter Prince Henry and Poins in buckram suits.
123 PRINCE.
124 The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou and I rob the
125 thieves, and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week,
126 laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever.
127 POINS.
128 Stand close, I hear them coming.
129 [_They retire._]
130 Enter the Thieves again.
131 FALSTAFF.
132 Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. An the
133 Prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards, there’s no equity stirring.
134 There’s no more valour in that Poins than in a wild duck.
135 [_As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them._]
136 PRINCE.
137 Your money!
138 POINS.
139 Villains!
140 [_Falstaff after a blow or two, and the others run away, leaving the
141 booty behind them._]
142 PRINCE.
143 Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse.
144 The thieves are all scatter’d, and possess’d with fear
145 So strongly that they dare not meet each other;
146 Each takes his fellow for an officer.
147 Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,
148 And lards the lean earth as he walks along.
149 Were’t not for laughing, I should pity him.
150 POINS.
151 How the fat rogue roared!
152 [_Exeunt._]