The Taming Of The Shrew

1 Enter Grumio.
2 GRUMIO.
3 Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and all foul ways! Was
4 ever man so beaten? Was ever man so ray’d? Was ever man so weary? I am
5 sent before to make a fire, and they are coming after to warm them.
6 Now, were not I a little pot and soon hot, my very lips might freeze to
7 my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my belly, ere
8 I should come by a fire to thaw me. But I with blowing the fire shall
9 warm myself; for, considering the weather, a taller man than I will
10 take cold. Holla, ho! Curtis!
11 Enter Curtis.
12 CURTIS.
13 Who is that calls so coldly?
14 GRUMIO.
15 A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst slide from my shoulder to
16 my heel with no greater a run but my head and my neck. A fire, good
17 Curtis.
18 CURTIS.
19 Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
20 GRUMIO.
21 O, ay! Curtis, ay; and therefore fire, fire; cast on no water.
22 CURTIS.
23 Is she so hot a shrew as she’s reported?
24 GRUMIO.
25 She was, good Curtis, before this frost; but thou knowest winter tames
26 man, woman, and beast; for it hath tamed my old master, and my new
27 mistress, and myself, fellow Curtis.
28 CURTIS.
29 Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.
30 GRUMIO.
31 Am I but three inches? Why, thy horn is a foot; and so long am I at the
32 least. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I complain on thee to our
33 mistress, whose hand,—she being now at hand,— thou shalt soon feel, to
34 thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office?
35 CURTIS.
36 I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world?
37 GRUMIO.
38 A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; and therefore fire. Do
39 thy duty, and have thy duty, for my master and mistress are almost
40 frozen to death.
41 CURTIS.
42 There’s fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news.
43 GRUMIO.
44 Why, ‘Jack boy! ho, boy!’ and as much news as wilt thou.
45 CURTIS.
46 Come, you are so full of cony-catching.
47 GRUMIO.
48 Why, therefore, fire; for I have caught extreme cold. Where’s the cook?
49 Is supper ready, the house trimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs swept, the
50 servingmen in their new fustian, their white stockings, and every
51 officer his wedding-garment on? Be the Jacks fair within, the Jills
52 fair without, and carpets laid, and everything in order?
53 CURTIS.
54 All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news.
55 GRUMIO.
56 First, know my horse is tired; my master and mistress fallen out.
57 CURTIS.
58 How?
59 GRUMIO.
60 Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby hangs a tale.
61 CURTIS.
62 Let’s ha’t, good Grumio.
63 GRUMIO.
64 Lend thine ear.
65 CURTIS.
66 Here.
67 GRUMIO.
68 [_Striking him._] There.
69 CURTIS.
70 This ’tis to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.
71 GRUMIO.
72 And therefore ’tis called a sensible tale; and this cuff was but to
73 knock at your ear and beseech listening. Now I begin: _Imprimis_, we
74 came down a foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress,—
75 CURTIS.
76 Both of one horse?
77 GRUMIO.
78 What’s that to thee?
79 CURTIS.
80 Why, a horse.
81 GRUMIO.
82 Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crossed me, thou shouldst have
83 heard how her horse fell, and she under her horse; thou shouldst have
84 heard in how miry a place, how she was bemoiled; how he left her with
85 the horse upon her; how he beat me because her horse stumbled; how she
86 waded through the dirt to pluck him off me: how he swore; how she
87 prayed, that never prayed before; how I cried; how the horses ran away;
88 how her bridle was burst; how I lost my crupper; with many things of
89 worthy memory, which now shall die in oblivion, and thou return
90 unexperienced to thy grave.
91 CURTIS.
92 By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.
93 GRUMIO.
94 Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all shall find when he comes
95 home. But what talk I of this? Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas,
96 Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and the rest; let their heads be sleekly
97 combed, their blue coats brush’d and their garters of an indifferent
98 knit; let them curtsy with their left legs, and not presume to touch a
99 hair of my master’s horse-tail till they kiss their hands. Are they all
100 ready?
101 CURTIS.
102 They are.
103 GRUMIO.
104 Call them forth.
105 CURTIS.
106 Do you hear? ho! You must meet my master to countenance my mistress.
107 GRUMIO.
108 Why, she hath a face of her own.
109 CURTIS.
110 Who knows not that?
111 GRUMIO.
112 Thou, it seems, that calls for company to countenance her.
113 CURTIS.
114 I call them forth to credit her.
115 GRUMIO.
116 Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.
117 Enter four or five Servants.
118 NATHANIEL.
119 Welcome home, Grumio!
120 PHILIP.
121 How now, Grumio!
122 JOSEPH.
123 What, Grumio!
124 NICHOLAS.
125 Fellow Grumio!
126 NATHANIEL.
127 How now, old lad!
128 GRUMIO.
129 Welcome, you; how now, you; what, you; fellow, you; and thus much for
130 greeting. Now, my spruce companions, is all ready, and all things neat?
131 NATHANIEL.
132 All things is ready. How near is our master?
133 GRUMIO.
134 E’en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore be not,—
135 Cock’s passion, silence! I hear my master.
136 Enter Petruchio and Katherina.
137 PETRUCHIO.
138 Where be these knaves? What! no man at door
139 To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse?
140 Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?—
141 ALL SERVANTS.
142 Here, here, sir; here, sir.
143 PETRUCHIO.
144 Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir!
145 You logger-headed and unpolish’d grooms!
146 What, no attendance? no regard? no duty?
147 Where is the foolish knave I sent before?
148 GRUMIO.
149 Here, sir; as foolish as I was before.
150 PETRUCHIO.
151 You peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge!
152 Did I not bid thee meet me in the park,
153 And bring along these rascal knaves with thee?
154 GRUMIO.
155 Nathaniel’s coat, sir, was not fully made,
156 And Gabriel’s pumps were all unpink’d i’ the heel;
157 There was no link to colour Peter’s hat,
158 And Walter’s dagger was not come from sheathing;
159 There was none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory;
160 The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly;
161 Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you.
162 PETRUCHIO.
163 Go, rascals, go and fetch my supper in.
164 [_Exeunt some of the Servants._]
165 Where is the life that late I led?
166 Where are those—? Sit down, Kate, and welcome.
167 Food, food, food, food!
168 Re-enter Servants with supper.
169 Why, when, I say?—Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.—
170 Off with my boots, you rogues! you villains! when?
171 It was the friar of orders grey,
172 As he forth walked on his way:
173 Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry:
174 [_Strikes him._]
175 Take that, and mend the plucking off the other.
176 Be merry, Kate. Some water, here; what, ho!
177 Where’s my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence
178 And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither:
179 [_Exit Servant._]
180 One, Kate, that you must kiss and be acquainted with.
181 Where are my slippers? Shall I have some water?
182 Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.—
183 [_Servant lets the ewer fall. Petruchio strikes him._]
184 You whoreson villain! will you let it fall?
185 KATHERINA.
186 Patience, I pray you; ’twas a fault unwilling.
187 PETRUCHIO.
188 A whoreson, beetle-headed, flap-ear’d knave!
189 Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach.
190 Will you give thanks, sweet Kate, or else shall I?—
191 What’s this? Mutton?
192 FIRST SERVANT.
193 Ay.
194 PETRUCHIO.
195 Who brought it?
196 PETER.
197 I.
198 PETRUCHIO.
199 ’Tis burnt; and so is all the meat.
200 What dogs are these! Where is the rascal cook?
201 How durst you, villains, bring it from the dresser,
202 And serve it thus to me that love it not?
203 [_Throws the meat, etc., at them._]
204 There, take it to you, trenchers, cups, and all.
205 You heedless joltheads and unmanner’d slaves!
206 What! do you grumble? I’ll be with you straight.
207 KATHERINA.
208 I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet;
209 The meat was well, if you were so contented.
210 PETRUCHIO.
211 I tell thee, Kate, ’twas burnt and dried away,
212 And I expressly am forbid to touch it;
213 For it engenders choler, planteth anger;
214 And better ’twere that both of us did fast,
215 Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric,
216 Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.
217 Be patient; tomorrow ’t shall be mended.
218 And for this night we’ll fast for company:
219 Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber.
220 [_Exeunt Petruchio, Katherina and Curtis._]
221 NATHANIEL.
222 Peter, didst ever see the like?
223 PETER.
224 He kills her in her own humour.
225 Re-enter Curtis.
226 GRUMIO.
227 Where is he?
228 CURTIS.
229 In her chamber, making a sermon of continency to her;
230 And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul,
231 Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak,
232 And sits as one new risen from a dream.
233 Away, away! for he is coming hither.
234 [_Exeunt._]
235 Re-enter Petruchio.
236 PETRUCHIO.
237 Thus have I politicly begun my reign,
238 And ’tis my hope to end successfully.
239 My falcon now is sharp and passing empty.
240 And till she stoop she must not be full-gorg’d,
241 For then she never looks upon her lure.
242 Another way I have to man my haggard,
243 To make her come, and know her keeper’s call,
244 That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites
245 That bate and beat, and will not be obedient.
246 She eat no meat today, nor none shall eat;
247 Last night she slept not, nor tonight she shall not;
248 As with the meat, some undeserved fault
249 I’ll find about the making of the bed;
250 And here I’ll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
251 This way the coverlet, another way the sheets;
252 Ay, and amid this hurly I intend
253 That all is done in reverend care of her;
254 And, in conclusion, she shall watch all night:
255 And if she chance to nod I’ll rail and brawl,
256 And with the clamour keep her still awake.
257 This is a way to kill a wife with kindness;
258 And thus I’ll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
259 He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
260 Now let him speak; ’tis charity to show.
261 [_Exit._]