The Taming Of The Shrew

1 Enter Baptista, Gremio, Tranio, Katherina, Bianca, Lucentio and
2 Attendants.
3 BAPTISTA. [_To Tranio_.]
4 Signior Lucentio, this is the ’pointed day
5 That Katherine and Petruchio should be married,
6 And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.
7 What will be said? What mockery will it be
8 To want the bridegroom when the priest attends
9 To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage!
10 What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?
11 KATHERINA.
12 No shame but mine; I must, forsooth, be forc’d
13 To give my hand, oppos’d against my heart,
14 Unto a mad-brain rudesby, full of spleen;
15 Who woo’d in haste and means to wed at leisure.
16 I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,
17 Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behaviour;
18 And to be noted for a merry man,
19 He’ll woo a thousand, ’point the day of marriage,
20 Make friends, invite, and proclaim the banns;
21 Yet never means to wed where he hath woo’d.
22 Now must the world point at poor Katherine,
23 And say ‘Lo! there is mad Petruchio’s wife,
24 If it would please him come and marry her.’
25 TRANIO.
26 Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista too.
27 Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,
28 Whatever fortune stays him from his word:
29 Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;
30 Though he be merry, yet withal he’s honest.
31 KATHERINA.
32 Would Katherine had never seen him though!
33 [_Exit weeping, followed by Bianca and others._]
34 BAPTISTA.
35 Go, girl, I cannot blame thee now to weep,
36 For such an injury would vex a very saint;
37 Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.
38 Enter Biondello.
39 Master, master! News! old news, and such news as you never heard of!
40 BAPTISTA.
41 Is it new and old too? How may that be?
42 BIONDELLO.
43 Why, is it not news to hear of Petruchio’s coming?
44 BAPTISTA.
45 Is he come?
46 BIONDELLO.
47 Why, no, sir.
48 BAPTISTA.
49 What then?
50 BIONDELLO.
51 He is coming.
52 BAPTISTA.
53 When will he be here?
54 BIONDELLO.
55 When he stands where I am and sees you there.
56 TRANIO.
57 But say, what to thine old news?
58 BIONDELLO.
59 Why, Petruchio is coming, in a new hat and an old jerkin; a pair of old
60 breeches thrice turned; a pair of boots that have been candle-cases,
61 one buckled, another laced; an old rusty sword ta’en out of the town
62 armoury, with a broken hilt, and chapeless; with two broken points: his
63 horse hipped with an old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred;
64 besides, possessed with the glanders and like to mose in the chine;
65 troubled with the lampass, infected with the fashions, full of
66 windgalls, sped with spavins, rayed with the yellows, past cure of the
67 fives, stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn with the bots, swayed
68 in the back and shoulder-shotten; near-legged before, and with a
69 half-checked bit, and a head-stall of sheep’s leather, which, being
70 restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been often burst, and now
71 repaired with knots; one girth six times pieced, and a woman’s crupper
72 of velure, which hath two letters for her name fairly set down in
73 studs, and here and there pieced with pack-thread.
74 BAPTISTA.
75 Who comes with him?
76 BIONDELLO.
77 O, sir! his lackey, for all the world caparisoned like the horse; with
78 a linen stock on one leg and a kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered
79 with a red and blue list; an old hat, and the humour of forty fancies
80 prick’d in’t for a feather: a monster, a very monster in apparel, and
81 not like a Christian footboy or a gentleman’s lackey.
82 TRANIO.
83 ’Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion;
84 Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparell’d.
85 BAPTISTA.
86 I am glad he’s come, howsoe’er he comes.
87 BIONDELLO.
88 Why, sir, he comes not.
89 BAPTISTA.
90 Didst thou not say he comes?
91 BIONDELLO.
92 Who? that Petruchio came?
93 BAPTISTA.
94 Ay, that Petruchio came.
95 BIONDELLO.
96 No, sir; I say his horse comes, with him on his back.
97 BAPTISTA.
98 Why, that’s all one.
99 BIONDELLO.
100 Nay, by Saint Jamy,
101 I hold you a penny,
102 A horse and a man
103 Is more than one,
104 And yet not many.
105 Enter Petruchio and Grumio.
106 PETRUCHIO.
107 Come, where be these gallants? Who is at home?
108 BAPTISTA.
109 You are welcome, sir.
110 PETRUCHIO.
111 And yet I come not well.
112 BAPTISTA.
113 And yet you halt not.
114 TRANIO.
115 Not so well apparell’d as I wish you were.
116 PETRUCHIO.
117 Were it better, I should rush in thus.
118 But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride?
119 How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown;
120 And wherefore gaze this goodly company,
121 As if they saw some wondrous monument,
122 Some comet or unusual prodigy?
123 BAPTISTA.
124 Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day:
125 First were we sad, fearing you would not come;
126 Now sadder, that you come so unprovided.
127 Fie! doff this habit, shame to your estate,
128 An eye-sore to our solemn festival.
129 TRANIO.
130 And tell us what occasion of import
131 Hath all so long detain’d you from your wife,
132 And sent you hither so unlike yourself?
133 PETRUCHIO.
134 Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear;
135 Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,
136 Though in some part enforced to digress;
137 Which at more leisure I will so excuse
138 As you shall well be satisfied withal.
139 But where is Kate? I stay too long from her;
140 The morning wears, ’tis time we were at church.
141 TRANIO.
142 See not your bride in these unreverent robes;
143 Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine.
144 PETRUCHIO.
145 Not I, believe me: thus I’ll visit her.
146 BAPTISTA.
147 But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.
148 PETRUCHIO.
149 Good sooth, even thus; therefore ha’ done with words;
150 To me she’s married, not unto my clothes.
151 Could I repair what she will wear in me
152 As I can change these poor accoutrements,
153 ’Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
154 But what a fool am I to chat with you
155 When I should bid good morrow to my bride,
156 And seal the title with a lovely kiss!
157 [_Exeunt Petruchio, Grumio and Biondello._]
158 TRANIO.
159 He hath some meaning in his mad attire.
160 We will persuade him, be it possible,
161 To put on better ere he go to church.
162 BAPTISTA.
163 I’ll after him and see the event of this.
164 [_Exeunt Baptista, Gremio and Attendants._]
165 TRANIO.
166 But, sir, to love concerneth us to add
167 Her father’s liking; which to bring to pass,
168 As I before imparted to your worship,
169 I am to get a man,—whate’er he be
170 It skills not much; we’ll fit him to our turn,—
171 And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa,
172 And make assurance here in Padua,
173 Of greater sums than I have promised.
174 So shall you quietly enjoy your hope,
175 And marry sweet Bianca with consent.
176 LUCENTIO.
177 Were it not that my fellow schoolmaster
178 Doth watch Bianca’s steps so narrowly,
179 ’Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage;
180 Which once perform’d, let all the world say no,
181 I’ll keep mine own despite of all the world.
182 TRANIO.
183 That by degrees we mean to look into,
184 And watch our vantage in this business.
185 We’ll over-reach the greybeard, Gremio,
186 The narrow-prying father, Minola,
187 The quaint musician, amorous Licio;
188 All for my master’s sake, Lucentio.
189 Re-enter Gremio.
190 Signior Gremio, came you from the church?
191 GREMIO.
192 As willingly as e’er I came from school.
193 TRANIO.
194 And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?
195 GREMIO.
196 A bridegroom, say you? ’Tis a groom indeed,
197 A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.
198 TRANIO.
199 Curster than she? Why, ’tis impossible.
200 GREMIO.
201 Why, he’s a devil, a devil, a very fiend.
202 TRANIO.
203 Why, she’s a devil, a devil, the devil’s dam.
204 GREMIO.
205 Tut! she’s a lamb, a dove, a fool, to him.
206 I’ll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest
207 Should ask if Katherine should be his wife,
208 ’Ay, by gogs-wouns’ quoth he, and swore so loud
209 That, all amaz’d, the priest let fall the book;
210 And as he stoop’d again to take it up,
211 The mad-brain’d bridegroom took him such a cuff
212 That down fell priest and book, and book and priest:
213 ‘Now take them up,’ quoth he ‘if any list.’
214 TRANIO.
215 What said the wench, when he rose again?
216 GREMIO.
217 Trembled and shook, for why, he stamp’d and swore
218 As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
219 But after many ceremonies done,
220 He calls for wine: ‘A health!’ quoth he, as if
221 He had been abroad, carousing to his mates
222 After a storm; quaff’d off the muscadel,
223 And threw the sops all in the sexton’s face,
224 Having no other reason
225 But that his beard grew thin and hungerly
226 And seem’d to ask him sops as he was drinking.
227 This done, he took the bride about the neck,
228 And kiss’d her lips with such a clamorous smack
229 That at the parting all the church did echo.
230 And I, seeing this, came thence for very shame;
231 And after me, I know, the rout is coming.
232 Such a mad marriage never was before.
233 Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play.
234 [_Music plays._]
235 Enter Petruchio, Katherina, Bianca, Baptista, Hortensio, Grumio and
236 Train.
237 PETRUCHIO.
238 Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains:
239 I know you think to dine with me today,
240 And have prepar’d great store of wedding cheer
241 But so it is, my haste doth call me hence,
242 And therefore here I mean to take my leave.
243 BAPTISTA.
244 Is’t possible you will away tonight?
245 PETRUCHIO.
246 I must away today before night come.
247 Make it no wonder: if you knew my business,
248 You would entreat me rather go than stay.
249 And, honest company, I thank you all,
250 That have beheld me give away myself
251 To this most patient, sweet, and virtuous wife.
252 Dine with my father, drink a health to me.
253 For I must hence; and farewell to you all.
254 TRANIO.
255 Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.
256 PETRUCHIO.
257 It may not be.
258 GREMIO.
259 Let me entreat you.
260 PETRUCHIO.
261 It cannot be.
262 KATHERINA.
263 Let me entreat you.
264 PETRUCHIO.
265 I am content.
266 KATHERINA.
267 Are you content to stay?
268 PETRUCHIO.
269 I am content you shall entreat me stay;
270 But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.
271 KATHERINA.
272 Now, if you love me, stay.
273 PETRUCHIO.
274 Grumio, my horse!
275 GRUMIO.
276 Ay, sir, they be ready; the oats have eaten the horses.
277 KATHERINA.
278 Nay, then,
279 Do what thou canst, I will not go today;
280 No, nor tomorrow, not till I please myself.
281 The door is open, sir; there lies your way;
282 You may be jogging whiles your boots are green;
283 For me, I’ll not be gone till I please myself.
284 ’Tis like you’ll prove a jolly surly groom
285 That take it on you at the first so roundly.
286 PETRUCHIO.
287 O Kate! content thee: prithee be not angry.
288 KATHERINA.
289 I will be angry: what hast thou to do?
290 Father, be quiet; he shall stay my leisure.
291 GREMIO.
292 Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work.
293 KATHERINA.
294 Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner:
295 I see a woman may be made a fool,
296 If she had not a spirit to resist.
297 PETRUCHIO.
298 They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.
299 Obey the bride, you that attend on her;
300 Go to the feast, revel and domineer,
301 Carouse full measure to her maidenhead,
302 Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves:
303 But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.
304 Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret;
305 I will be master of what is mine own.
306 She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house,
307 My household stuff, my field, my barn,
308 My horse, my ox, my ass, my anything;
309 And here she stands, touch her whoever dare;
310 I’ll bring mine action on the proudest he
311 That stops my way in Padua. Grumio,
312 Draw forth thy weapon; we are beset with thieves;
313 Rescue thy mistress, if thou be a man.
314 Fear not, sweet wench; they shall not touch thee, Kate;
315 I’ll buckler thee against a million.
316 [_Exeunt Petruchio, Katherina and Grumio._]
317 BAPTISTA.
318 Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.
319 GREMIO.
320 Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.
321 TRANIO.
322 Of all mad matches, never was the like.
323 LUCENTIO.
324 Mistress, what’s your opinion of your sister?
325 BIANCA.
326 That, being mad herself, she’s madly mated.
327 GREMIO.
328 I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.
329 BAPTISTA.
330 Neighbours and friends, though bride and bridegroom wants
331 For to supply the places at the table,
332 You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
333 Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom’s place;
334 And let Bianca take her sister’s room.
335 TRANIO.
336 Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?
337 BAPTISTA.
338 She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let’s go.
339 [_Exeunt._]