The Two Gentlemen Of Verona

1 Enter Valentine and Proteus.
2 VALENTINE.
3 Cease to persuade, my loving Proteus.
4 Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits.
5 Were’t not affection chains thy tender days
6 To the sweet glances of thy honoured love,
7 I rather would entreat thy company
8 To see the wonders of the world abroad
9 Than, living dully sluggardized at home,
10 Wear out thy youth with shapeless idleness.
11 But since thou lov’st, love still, and thrive therein,
12 Even as I would when I to love begin.
13 PROTEUS.
14 Wilt thou be gone? Sweet Valentine, adieu.
15 Think on thy Proteus when thou haply seest
16 Some rare noteworthy object in thy travel.
17 Wish me partaker in thy happiness
18 When thou dost meet good hap; and in thy danger,
19 If ever danger do environ thee,
20 Commend thy grievance to my holy prayers,
21 For I will be thy headsman, Valentine.
22 VALENTINE.
23 And on a love-book pray for my success?
24 PROTEUS.
25 Upon some book I love I’ll pray for thee.
26 VALENTINE.
27 That’s on some shallow story of deep love,
28 How young Leander crossed the Hellespont.
29 PROTEUS.
30 That’s a deep story of a deeper love,
31 For he was more than over shoes in love.
32 VALENTINE.
33 ’Tis true; for you are over boots in love,
34 And yet you never swam the Hellespont.
35 PROTEUS.
36 Over the boots? Nay, give me not the boots.
37 VALENTINE.
38 No, I will not, for it boots thee not.
39 PROTEUS.
40 What?
41 VALENTINE.
42 To be in love, where scorn is bought with groans,
43 Coy looks with heart-sore sighs, one fading moment’s mirth
44 With twenty watchful, weary, tedious nights.
45 If haply won, perhaps a hapless gain;
46 If lost, why then a grievous labour won;
47 However, but a folly bought with wit,
48 Or else a wit by folly vanquished.
49 PROTEUS.
50 So, by your circumstance, you call me fool.
51 VALENTINE.
52 So, by your circumstance, I fear you’ll prove.
53 PROTEUS.
54 ’Tis love you cavil at. I am not Love.
55 VALENTINE.
56 Love is your master, for he masters you;
57 And he that is so yoked by a fool
58 Methinks should not be chronicled for wise.
59 PROTEUS.
60 Yet writers say, as in the sweetest bud
61 The eating canker dwells, so eating love
62 Inhabits in the finest wits of all.
63 VALENTINE.
64 And writers say, as the most forward bud
65 Is eaten by the canker ere it blow,
66 Even so by love the young and tender wit
67 Is turned to folly, blasting in the bud,
68 Losing his verdure even in the prime,
69 And all the fair effects of future hopes.
70 But wherefore waste I time to counsel thee
71 That art a votary to fond desire?
72 Once more adieu. My father at the road
73 Expects my coming, there to see me shipped.
74 PROTEUS.
75 And thither will I bring thee, Valentine.
76 VALENTINE.
77 Sweet Proteus, no. Now let us take our leave.
78 To Milan let me hear from thee by letters
79 Of thy success in love, and what news else
80 Betideth here in absence of thy friend;
81 And I likewise will visit thee with mine.
82 PROTEUS.
83 All happiness bechance to thee in Milan.
84 VALENTINE.
85 As much to you at home, and so farewell.
86 [_Exit._]
87 PROTEUS.
88 He after honour hunts, I after love.
89 He leaves his friends to dignify them more;
90 I leave myself, my friends, and all for love.
91 Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphosed me,
92 Made me neglect my studies, lose my time,
93 War with good counsel, set the world at nought;
94 Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.
95 Enter Speed.
96 SPEED.
97 Sir Proteus, ’save you. Saw you my master?
98 PROTEUS.
99 But now he parted hence to embark for Milan.
100 SPEED.
101 Twenty to one, then, he is shipped already,
102 And I have played the sheep in losing him.
103 PROTEUS.
104 Indeed a sheep doth very often stray,
105 An if the shepherd be a while away.
106 SPEED.
107 You conclude that my master is a shepherd then, and I a sheep?
108 PROTEUS.
109 I do.
110 SPEED.
111 Why then, my horns are his horns, whether I wake or sleep.
112 PROTEUS.
113 A silly answer, and fitting well a sheep.
114 SPEED.
115 This proves me still a sheep.
116 PROTEUS.
117 True, and thy master a shepherd.
118 SPEED.
119 Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.
120 PROTEUS.
121 It shall go hard but I’ll prove it by another.
122 SPEED.
123 The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the shepherd; but I
124 seek my master, and my master seeks not me. Therefore I am no sheep.
125 PROTEUS.
126 The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd; the shepherd for food follows
127 not the sheep. Thou for wages followest thy master; thy master for
128 wages follows not thee. Therefore thou art a sheep.
129 SPEED.
130 Such another proof will make me cry “baa”.
131 PROTEUS.
132 But dost thou hear? Gav’st thou my letter to Julia?
133 SPEED.
134 Ay, sir. I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her, a laced mutton, and
135 she, a laced mutton, gave me, a lost mutton, nothing for my labour.
136 PROTEUS.
137 Here’s too small a pasture for such store of muttons.
138 SPEED.
139 If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.
140 PROTEUS.
141 Nay, in that you are astray; ’twere best pound you.
142 SPEED.
143 Nay, sir, less than a pound shall serve me for carrying your letter.
144 PROTEUS.
145 You mistake; I mean the pound, a pinfold.
146 SPEED.
147 From a pound to a pin? Fold it over and over,
148 ’Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover.
149 PROTEUS.
150 But what said she?
151 SPEED.
152 [_Nods his head_.] Ay.
153 PROTEUS.
154 Nod—“Ay”. Why, that’s “noddy”.
155 SPEED.
156 You mistook, sir. I say she did nod, and you ask me if she did nod; and
157 I say “Ay”.
158 PROTEUS.
159 And that set together is “noddy”.
160 SPEED.
161 Now you have taken the pains to set it together, take it for your
162 pains.
163 PROTEUS.
164 No, no, you shall have it for bearing the letter.
165 SPEED.
166 Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you.
167 PROTEUS.
168 Why, sir, how do you bear with me?
169 SPEED.
170 Marry, sir, the letter, very orderly, having nothing but the word
171 “noddy” for my pains.
172 PROTEUS.
173 Beshrew me, but you have a quick wit.
174 SPEED.
175 And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.
176 PROTEUS.
177 Come, come, open the matter; in brief, what said she?
178 SPEED.
179 Open your purse, that the money and the matter may be both at once
180 delivered.
181 PROTEUS.
182 [_Giving him a coin_.] Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said
183 she?
184 SPEED.
185 Truly, sir, I think you’ll hardly win her.
186 PROTEUS.
187 Why? Couldst thou perceive so much from her?
188 SPEED.
189 Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her; no, not so much as a
190 ducat for delivering your letter. And being so hard to me that brought
191 your mind, I fear she’ll prove as hard to you in telling your mind.
192 Give her no token but stones, for she’s as hard as steel.
193 PROTEUS.
194 What said she, nothing?
195 SPEED.
196 No, not so much as “Take this for thy pains.” To testify your bounty, I
197 thank you, you have testerned me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry
198 your letters yourself. And so, sir, I’ll commend you to my master.
199 PROTEUS.
200 Go, go, begone, to save your ship from wrack,
201 Which cannot perish having thee aboard,
202 Being destined to a drier death on shore.
203 [_Exit Speed._]
204 I must go send some better messenger.
205 I fear my Julia would not deign my lines,
206 Receiving them from such a worthless post.
207 [_Exit._]