The Two Gentlemen Of Verona

1 Enter Julia and Lucetta.
2 JULIA.
3 But say, Lucetta, now we are alone,
4 Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?
5 LUCETTA.
6 Ay, madam, so you stumble not unheedfully.
7 JULIA.
8 Of all the fair resort of gentlemen
9 That every day with parle encounter me,
10 In thy opinion which is worthiest love?
11 LUCETTA.
12 Please you, repeat their names, I’ll show my mind
13 According to my shallow simple skill.
14 JULIA.
15 What think’st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?
16 LUCETTA.
17 As of a knight well-spoken, neat, and fine;
18 But, were I you, he never should be mine.
19 JULIA.
20 What think’st thou of the rich Mercatio?
21 LUCETTA.
22 Well of his wealth; but of himself, so-so.
23 JULIA.
24 What think’st thou of the gentle Proteus?
25 LUCETTA.
26 Lord, Lord, to see what folly reigns in us!
27 JULIA.
28 How now? What means this passion at his name?
29 LUCETTA.
30 Pardon, dear madam, ’tis a passing shame
31 That I, unworthy body as I am,
32 Should censure thus on lovely gentlemen.
33 JULIA.
34 Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest?
35 LUCETTA.
36 Then thus: of many good I think him best.
37 JULIA.
38 Your reason?
39 LUCETTA.
40 I have no other but a woman’s reason:
41 I think him so because I think him so.
42 JULIA.
43 And wouldst thou have me cast my love on him?
44 LUCETTA.
45 Ay, if you thought your love not cast away.
46 JULIA.
47 Why, he of all the rest hath never moved me.
48 LUCETTA.
49 Yet he of all the rest I think best loves ye.
50 JULIA.
51 His little speaking shows his love but small.
52 LUCETTA.
53 Fire that’s closest kept burns most of all.
54 JULIA.
55 They do not love that do not show their love.
56 LUCETTA.
57 O, they love least that let men know their love.
58 JULIA.
59 I would I knew his mind.
60 LUCETTA.
61 Peruse this paper, madam.
62 [_Gives her a letter._]
63 JULIA.
64 _To Julia_—Say, from whom?
65 LUCETTA.
66 That the contents will show.
67 JULIA.
68 Say, say, who gave it thee?
69 LUCETTA.
70 Sir Valentine’s page, and sent, I think, from Proteus.
71 He would have given it you, but I, being in the way,
72 Did in your name receive it. Pardon the fault, I pray.
73 JULIA.
74 Now, by my modesty, a goodly broker!
75 Dare you presume to harbour wanton lines?
76 To whisper and conspire against my youth?
77 Now trust me, ’tis an office of great worth,
78 And you an officer fit for the place.
79 There, take the paper; see it be returned,
80 Or else return no more into my sight.
81 LUCETTA.
82 To plead for love deserves more fee than hate.
83 JULIA.
84 Will ye be gone?
85 LUCETTA.
86 That you may ruminate.
87 [_Exit._]
88 JULIA.
89 And yet I would I had o’erlooked the letter.
90 It were a shame to call her back again
91 And pray her to a fault for which I chid her.
92 What fool is she, that knows I am a maid
93 And would not force the letter to my view,
94 Since maids in modesty say “No” to that
95 Which they would have the profferer construe “Ay”.
96 Fie, fie, how wayward is this foolish love
97 That like a testy babe will scratch the nurse
98 And presently, all humbled, kiss the rod!
99 How churlishly I chid Lucetta hence,
100 When willingly I would have had her here!
101 How angerly I taught my brow to frown,
102 When inward joy enforced my heart to smile!
103 My penance is to call Lucetta back
104 And ask remission for my folly past.
105 What ho! Lucetta!
106 Enter Lucetta.
107 LUCETTA.
108 What would your ladyship?
109 JULIA.
110 Is ’t near dinner time?
111 LUCETTA.
112 I would it were,
113 That you might kill your stomach on your meat
114 And not upon your maid.
115 [_Drops and picks up the letter._]
116 JULIA.
117 What is’t that you took up so gingerly?
118 LUCETTA.
119 Nothing.
120 JULIA.
121 Why didst thou stoop, then?
122 LUCETTA.
123 To take a paper up that I let fall.
124 JULIA.
125 And is that paper nothing?
126 LUCETTA.
127 Nothing concerning me.
128 JULIA.
129 Then let it lie for those that it concerns.
130 LUCETTA.
131 Madam, it will not lie where it concerns,
132 Unless it have a false interpreter.
133 JULIA.
134 Some love of yours hath writ to you in rhyme.
135 LUCETTA.
136 That I might sing it, madam, to a tune.
137 Give me a note. Your ladyship can set—
138 JULIA.
139 As little by such toys as may be possible.
140 Best sing it to the tune of “Light o’ Love”.
141 LUCETTA.
142 It is too heavy for so light a tune.
143 JULIA.
144 Heavy? Belike it hath some burden then?
145 LUCETTA.
146 Ay, and melodious were it, would you sing it.
147 JULIA.
148 And why not you?
149 LUCETTA.
150 I cannot reach so high.
151 JULIA.
152 Let’s see your song. [_Taking the letter_.]
153 How now, minion!
154 LUCETTA.
155 Keep tune there still, so you will sing it out.
156 And yet methinks I do not like this tune.
157 JULIA.
158 You do not?
159 LUCETTA.
160 No, madam, it is too sharp.
161 JULIA.
162 You, minion, are too saucy.
163 LUCETTA.
164 Nay, now you are too flat
165 And mar the concord with too harsh a descant.
166 There wanteth but a mean to fill your song.
167 JULIA.
168 The mean is drowned with your unruly bass.
169 LUCETTA.
170 Indeed, I bid the base for Proteus.
171 JULIA.
172 This babble shall not henceforth trouble me.
173 Here is a coil with protestation! [_Tears the letter_.]
174 Go, get you gone, and let the papers lie.
175 You would be fingering them to anger me.
176 LUCETTA.
177 She makes it strange, but she would be best pleased
178 To be so angered with another letter.
179 [_Exit._]
180 JULIA.
181 Nay, would I were so angered with the same!
182 O hateful hands, to tear such loving words!
183 Injurious wasps, to feed on such sweet honey
184 And kill the bees that yield it with your stings!
185 I’ll kiss each several paper for amends.
186 Look, here is writ _kind Julia_. Unkind Julia!
187 As in revenge of thy ingratitude,
188 I throw thy name against the bruising stones,
189 Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.
190 And here is writ _love-wounded Proteus_.
191 Poor wounded name, my bosom as a bed
192 Shall lodge thee till thy wound be throughly healed;
193 And thus I search it with a sovereign kiss.
194 But twice or thrice was _Proteus_ written down.
195 Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away
196 Till I have found each letter in the letter
197 Except mine own name. That some whirlwind bear
198 Unto a ragged, fearful, hanging rock,
199 And throw it thence into the raging sea.
200 Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ:
201 _Poor forlorn Proteus, passionate Proteus,
202 To the sweet Julia._ That I’ll tear away;
203 And yet I will not, sith so prettily
204 He couples it to his complaining names.
205 Thus will I fold them one upon another.
206 Now kiss, embrace, contend, do what you will.
207 Enter Lucetta.
208 LUCETTA.
209 Madam, dinner is ready, and your father stays.
210 JULIA.
211 Well, let us go.
212 LUCETTA.
213 What, shall these papers lie like tell-tales here?
214 JULIA.
215 If you respect them, best to take them up.
216 LUCETTA.
217 Nay, I was taken up for laying them down.
218 Yet here they shall not lie, for catching cold.
219 [_Picks up pieces of the letter._]
220 JULIA.
221 I see you have a month’s mind to them.
222 LUCETTA.
223 Ay, madam, you may say what sights you see;
224 I see things too, although you judge I wink.
225 JULIA.
226 Come, come, will’t please you go?
227 [_Exeunt._]