All’s Well That Ends Well

1 Enter Bertram and Diana.
2 BERTRAM.
3 They told me that your name was Fontybell.
4 DIANA.
5 No, my good lord, Diana.
6 BERTRAM.
7 Titled goddess;
8 And worth it, with addition! But, fair soul,
9 In your fine frame hath love no quality?
10 If the quick fire of youth light not your mind,
11 You are no maiden but a monument;
12 When you are dead, you should be such a one
13 As you are now; for you are cold and stern,
14 And now you should be as your mother was
15 When your sweet self was got.
16 DIANA.
17 She then was honest.
18 BERTRAM.
19 So should you be.
20 DIANA.
21 No.
22 My mother did but duty; such, my lord,
23 As you owe to your wife.
24 BERTRAM.
25 No more a’ that!
26 I pr’ythee do not strive against my vows;
27 I was compell’d to her; but I love thee
28 By love’s own sweet constraint, and will for ever
29 Do thee all rights of service.
30 DIANA.
31 Ay, so you serve us
32 Till we serve you; but when you have our roses,
33 You barely leave our thorns to prick ourselves,
34 And mock us with our bareness.
35 BERTRAM.
36 How have I sworn?
37 DIANA.
38 ’Tis not the many oaths that makes the truth,
39 But the plain single vow that is vow’d true.
40 What is not holy, that we swear not by,
41 But take the highest to witness: then, pray you, tell me,
42 If I should swear by Jove’s great attributes
43 I lov’d you dearly, would you believe my oaths
44 When I did love you ill? This has no holding,
45 To swear by him whom I protest to love
46 That I will work against him. Therefore your oaths
47 Are words and poor conditions; but unseal’d,—
48 At least in my opinion.
49 BERTRAM.
50 Change it, change it.
51 Be not so holy-cruel. Love is holy;
52 And my integrity ne’er knew the crafts
53 That you do charge men with. Stand no more off,
54 But give thyself unto my sick desires,
55 Who then recovers. Say thou art mine, and ever
56 My love as it begins shall so persever.
57 DIANA.
58 I see that men make hopes in such a case,
59 That we’ll forsake ourselves. Give me that ring.
60 BERTRAM.
61 I’ll lend it thee, my dear, but have no power
62 To give it from me.
63 DIANA.
64 Will you not, my lord?
65 BERTRAM.
66 It is an honour ’longing to our house,
67 Bequeathed down from many ancestors,
68 Which were the greatest obloquy i’ the world
69 In me to lose.
70 DIANA.
71 Mine honour’s such a ring;
72 My chastity’s the jewel of our house,
73 Bequeathed down from many ancestors,
74 Which were the greatest obloquy i’ the world
75 In me to lose. Thus your own proper wisdom
76 Brings in the champion honour on my part
77 Against your vain assault.
78 BERTRAM.
79 Here, take my ring;
80 My house, mine honour, yea, my life be thine,
81 And I’ll be bid by thee.
82 DIANA.
83 When midnight comes, knock at my chamber window;
84 I’ll order take my mother shall not hear.
85 Now will I charge you in the band of truth,
86 When you have conquer’d my yet maiden-bed,
87 Remain there but an hour, nor speak to me.
88 My reasons are most strong; and you shall know them
89 When back again this ring shall be deliver’d;
90 And on your finger in the night, I’ll put
91 Another ring, that what in time proceeds
92 May token to the future our past deeds.
93 Adieu till then; then fail not. You have won
94 A wife of me, though there my hope be done.
95 BERTRAM.
96 A heaven on earth I have won by wooing thee.
97 [_Exit._]
98 DIANA.
99 For which live long to thank both heaven and me!
100 You may so in the end.
101 My mother told me just how he would woo,
102 As if she sat in’s heart. She says all men
103 Have the like oaths. He had sworn to marry me
104 When his wife’s dead; therefore I’ll lie with him
105 When I am buried. Since Frenchmen are so braid,
106 Marry that will, I live and die a maid.
107 Only, in this disguise, I think’t no sin
108 To cozen him that would unjustly win.
109 [_Exit._]