Much Ado About Nothing

1 Enter Hero, Margaret and Ursula.
2 HERO.
3 Good Margaret, run thee to the parlour;
4 There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice
5 Proposing with the Prince and Claudio:
6 Whisper her ear, and tell her, I and Ursala
7 Walk in the orchard, and our whole discourse
8 Is all of her; say that thou overheard’st us,
9 And bid her steal into the pleached bower,
10 Where honey-suckles, ripen’d by the sun,
11 Forbid the sun to enter; like favourites,
12 Made proud by princes, that advance their pride
13 Against that power that bred it. There will she hide her,
14 To listen our propose. This is thy office;
15 Bear thee well in it and leave us alone.
16 MARGARET.
17 I’ll make her come, I warrant you, presently.
18 [Exit.]
19 HERO.
20 Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,
21 As we do trace this alley up and down,
22 Our talk must only be of Benedick:
23 When I do name him, let it be thy part
24 To praise him more than ever man did merit.
25 My talk to thee must be how Benedick
26 Is sick in love with Beatrice: of this matter
27 Is little Cupid’s crafty arrow made,
28 That only wounds by hearsay.
29 Enter Beatrice behind.
30 Now begin;
31 For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing, runs
32 Close by the ground, to hear our conference.
33 URSULA.
34 The pleasant’st angling is to see the fish
35 Cut with her golden oars the silver stream,
36 And greedily devour the treacherous bait:
37 So angle we for Beatrice; who even now
38 Is couched in the woodbine coverture.
39 Fear you not my part of the dialogue.
40 HERO.
41 Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing
42 Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it.
43 [They advance to the bower.]
44 No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful;
45 I know her spirits are as coy and wild
46 As haggards of the rock.
47 URSULA.
48 But are you sure
49 That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?
50 HERO.
51 So says the Prince, and my new-trothed lord.
52 URSULA.
53 And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?
54 HERO.
55 They did entreat me to acquaint her of it;
56 But I persuaded them, if they lov’d Benedick,
57 To wish him wrestle with affection,
58 And never to let Beatrice know of it.
59 URSULA.
60 Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman
61 Deserve as full as fortunate a bed
62 As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?
63 HERO.
64 O god of love! I know he doth deserve
65 As much as may be yielded to a man;
66 But Nature never fram’d a woman’s heart
67 Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice;
68 Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
69 Misprising what they look on, and her wit
70 Values itself so highly, that to her
71 All matter else seems weak. She cannot love,
72 Nor take no shape nor project of affection,
73 She is so self-endear’d.
74 URSULA.
75 Sure I think so;
76 And therefore certainly it were not good
77 She knew his love, lest she make sport at it.
78 HERO.
79 Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,
80 How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featur’d,
81 But she would spell him backward: if fair-fac’d,
82 She would swear the gentleman should be her sister;
83 If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antick,
84 Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed;
85 If low, an agate very vilely cut;
86 If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds;
87 If silent, why, a block moved with none.
88 So turns she every man the wrong side out,
89 And never gives to truth and virtue that
90 Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.
91 URSULA.
92 Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.
93 HERO.
94 No; not to be so odd, and from all fashions,
95 As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable.
96 But who dare tell her so? If I should speak,
97 She would mock me into air: O! she would laugh me
98 Out of myself, press me to death with wit.
99 Therefore let Benedick, like cover’d fire,
100 Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly:
101 It were a better death than die with mocks,
102 Which is as bad as die with tickling.
103 URSULA.
104 Yet tell her of it: hear what she will say.
105 HERO.
106 No; rather I will go to Benedick,
107 And counsel him to fight against his passion.
108 And, truly, I’ll devise some honest slanders
109 To stain my cousin with. One doth not know
110 How much an ill word may empoison liking.
111 URSULA.
112 O! do not do your cousin such a wrong.
113 She cannot be so much without true judgment,—
114 Having so swift and excellent a wit
115 As she is priz’d to have,—as to refuse
116 So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick.
117 HERO.
118 He is the only man of Italy,
119 Always excepted my dear Claudio.
120 URSULA.
121 I pray you, be not angry with me, madam,
122 Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick,
123 For shape, for bearing, argument and valour,
124 Goes foremost in report through Italy.
125 HERO.
126 Indeed, he hath an excellent good name.
127 URSULA.
128 His excellence did earn it, ere he had it.
129 When are you married, madam?
130 HERO.
131 Why, every day, tomorrow. Come, go in:
132 I’ll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel
133 Which is the best to furnish me tomorrow.
134 URSULA.
135 She’s lim’d, I warrant you,
136 We have caught her, madam.
137 HERO.
138 If it prove so, then loving goes by haps:
139 Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
140 [Exeunt Hero and Ursula.]
141 BEATRICE.
142 [Advancing.] What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
143 Stand I condemn’d for pride and scorn so much?
144 Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu!
145 No glory lives behind the back of such.
146 And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee,
147 Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand:
148 If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
149 To bind our loves up in a holy band;
150 For others say thou dost deserve, and I
151 Believe it better than reportingly.
152 [Exit.]