Much Ado About Nothing

1 Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick and Leonato.
2 DON PEDRO.
3 I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then go I toward Arragon.
4 CLAUDIO.
5 I’ll bring you thither, my lord, if you’ll
6 vouchsafe me.
7 DON PEDRO.
8 Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of your
9 marriage, as to show a child his new coat and forbid him to wear it. I
10 will only be bold with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown of
11 his head to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth; he hath twice or thrice
12 cut Cupid’s bowstring, and the little hangman dare not shoot at him.
13 He hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper; for
14 what his heart thinks, his tongue speaks.
15 BENEDICK.
16 Gallants, I am not as I have been.
17 LEONATO.
18 So say I: methinks you are sadder.
19 CLAUDIO.
20 I hope he be in love.
21 DON PEDRO.
22 Hang him, truant! there’s no true drop of blood in him
23 to be truly touched with love. If he be sad, he wants money.
24 BENEDICK.
25 I have the tooth-ache.
26 DON PEDRO.
27 Draw it.
28 BENEDICK.
29 Hang it.
30 CLAUDIO.
31 You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.
32 DON PEDRO.
33 What! sigh for the tooth-ache?
34 LEONATO.
35 Where is but a humour or a worm?
36 BENEDICK.
37 Well, everyone can master a grief but he that has it.
38 CLAUDIO.
39 Yet say I, he is in love.
40 DON PEDRO.
41 There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be a fancy
42 that he hath to strange disguises; as to be a Dutchman today, a Frenchman
43 tomorrow; or in the shape of two countries at once, as a German from the
44 waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet.
45 Unless he have a fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no
46 fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.
47 CLAUDIO.
48 If he be not in love with some woman, there is no believing old
49 signs: a’ brushes his hat a mornings; what should that bode?
50 DON PEDRO.
51 Hath any man seen him at the barber’s?
52 CLAUDIO.
53 No, but the barber’s man hath been seen with him; and the
54 old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennis balls.
55 LEONATO.
56 Indeed he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.
57 DON PEDRO.
58 Nay, a’ rubs himself with civet: can you smell him out by that?
59 CLAUDIO.
60 That’s as much as to say the sweet youth’s in love.
61 DON PEDRO.
62 The greatest note of it is his melancholy.
63 CLAUDIO.
64 And when was he wont to wash his face?
65 DON PEDRO.
66 Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hear what they say of him.
67 CLAUDIO.
68 Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into a
69 lute-string, and now governed by stops.
70 DON PEDRO.
71 Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him. Conclude, conclude he is in love.
72 CLAUDIO.
73 Nay, but I know who loves him.
74 DON PEDRO.
75 That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not.
76 CLAUDIO.
77 Yes, and his ill conditions; and in despite of all, dies for him.
78 DON PEDRO.
79 She shall be buried with her face upwards.
80 BENEDICK.
81 Yet is this no charm for the tooth-ache. Old signior, walk aside
82 with me: I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you, which
83 these hobby-horses must not hear.
84 [Exeunt Benedick and Leonato.]
85 DON PEDRO.
86 For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.
87 CLAUDIO.
88 ’Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this played
89 their parts with Beatrice, and then the two bears will not bite one
90 another when they meet.
91 Enter Don John.
92 DON JOHN.
93 My lord and brother, God save you!
94 DON PEDRO.
95 Good den, brother.
96 DON JOHN.
97 If your leisure served, I would speak with you.
98 DON PEDRO.
99 In private?
100 DON JOHN.
101 If it please you; yet Count Claudio may hear, for what I would
102 speak of concerns him.
103 DON PEDRO.
104 What’s the matter?
105 DON JOHN.
106 [To Claudio.] Means your lordship to be married tomorrow?
107 DON PEDRO.
108 You know he does.
109 DON JOHN.
110 I know not that, when he knows what I know.
111 CLAUDIO.
112 If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.
113 DON JOHN.
114 You may think I love you not: let that appear hereafter, and aim
115 better at me by that I now will manifest. For my brother, I think he holds
116 you well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your ensuing
117 marriage; surely suit ill-spent and labour ill bestowed!
118 DON PEDRO.
119 Why, what’s the matter?
120 DON JOHN.
121 I came hither to tell you; and circumstances shortened,—for she
122 has been too long a talking of,—the lady is disloyal.
123 CLAUDIO.
124 Who, Hero?
125 DON JOHN.
126 Even she: Leonato’s Hero, your Hero, every man’s Hero.
127 CLAUDIO.
128 Disloyal?
129 DON JOHN.
130 The word’s too good to paint out her wickedness; I could
131 say, she were worse: think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it.
132 Wonder not till further warrant: go but with me tonight, you shall see
133 her chamber window entered, even the night before her wedding-day: if you
134 love her then, tomorrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour to
135 change your mind.
136 CLAUDIO.
137 May this be so?
138 DON PEDRO.
139 I will not think it.
140 DON JOHN.
141 If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that you know.
142 If you will follow me, I will show you enough; and when you have seen more
143 and heard more, proceed accordingly.
144 CLAUDIO.
145 If I see anything tonight why I should not marry her tomorrow,
146 in the congregation, where I should wed, there will I shame her.
147 DON PEDRO.
148 And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee
149 to disgrace her.
150 DON JOHN.
151 I will disparage her no farther till you are my witnesses: bear
152 it coldly but till midnight, and let the issue show itself.
153 DON PEDRO.
154 O day untowardly turned!
155 CLAUDIO.
156 O mischief strangely thwarting!
157 DON JOHN.
158 O plague right well prevented! So will you say when you have seen
159 the sequel.
160 [Exeunt.]