Much Ado About Nothing

1 Enter Hero, Margaret and Ursula.
2 HERO.
3 Good Ursula, wake my cousin Beatrice, and desire her to rise.
4 URSULA.
5 I will, lady.
6 HERO.
7 And bid her come hither.
8 URSULA.
9 Well.
10 [Exit.]
11 MARGARET.
12 Troth, I think your other rebato were better.
13 HERO.
14 No, pray thee, good Meg, I’ll wear this.
15 MARGARET.
16 By my troth’s not so good; and I warrant your cousin will say so.
17 HERO.
18 My cousin’s a fool, and thou art another: I’ll
19 wear none but this.
20 MARGARET.
21 I like the new tire within excellently, if the hair were a thought
22 browner; and your gown’s a most rare fashion, i’ faith. I saw the
23 Duchess of Milan’s gown that they praise so.
24 HERO.
25 O! that exceeds, they say.
26 MARGARET.
27 By my troth ’s but a night-gown in respect of yours: cloth o’ gold, and
28 cuts, and laced with silver, set with pearls, down sleeves, side
29 sleeves, and skirts round, underborne with a bluish tinsel; but for a
30 fine, quaint, graceful, and excellent fashion, yours is worth ten on’t.
31 HERO.
32 God give me joy to wear it! for my heart is exceeding heavy.
33 MARGARET.
34 ’Twill be heavier soon by the weight of a man.
35 HERO.
36 Fie upon thee! art not ashamed?
37 MARGARET.
38 Of what, lady? of speaking honourably? Is not marriage honourable in a
39 beggar? Is not your lord honourable without marriage? I think you would
40 have me say, saving your reverence, ‘a husband:’ an bad thinking do not
41 wrest true speaking, I’ll offend nobody. Is there any harm in ‘the
42 heavier for a husband’? None, I think, and it be the right husband and
43 the right wife; otherwise ’tis light, and not heavy: ask my Lady
44 Beatrice else; here she comes.
45 Enter Beatrice.
46 HERO.
47 Good morrow, coz.
48 BEATRICE.
49 Good morrow, sweet Hero.
50 HERO.
51 Why, how now? do you speak in the sick tune?
52 BEATRICE.
53 I am out of all other tune, methinks.
54 MARGARET.
55 Clap’s into ‘Light o’ love’; that goes
56 without a burden: do you sing it, and I’ll dance it.
57 BEATRICE.
58 Ye, light o’ love with your heels! then, if your husband
59 have stables enough, you’ll see he shall lack no barnes.
60 MARGARET.
61 O illegitimate construction! I scorn that with my heels.
62 BEATRICE.
63 ’Tis almost five o’clock, cousin; ’tis time
64 you were ready. By my troth, I am exceeding ill. Heigh-ho!
65 MARGARET.
66 For a hawk, a horse, or a husband?
67 BEATRICE.
68 For the letter that begins them all, H.
69 MARGARET.
70 Well, and you be not turned Turk, there’s no more
71 sailing by the star.
72 BEATRICE.
73 What means the fool, trow?
74 MARGARET.
75 Nothing I; but God send everyone their heart’s desire!
76 HERO.
77 These gloves the Count sent me; they are an excellent perfume.
78 BEATRICE.
79 I am stuffed, cousin, I cannot smell.
80 MARGARET.
81 A maid, and stuffed! there’s goodly catching of cold.
82 BEATRICE.
83 O, God help me! God help me! how long have you professed
84 apprehension?
85 MARGARET.
86 Ever since you left it. Doth not my wit become me rarely!
87 BEATRICE.
88 It is not seen enough, you should wear it in your cap. By
89 my troth, I am sick.
90 MARGARET.
91 Get you some of this distilled Carduus benedictus, and lay it to
92 your heart: it is the only thing for a qualm.
93 HERO.
94 There thou prick’st her with a thistle.
95 BEATRICE.
96 Benedictus! why benedictus? you have some moral in this
97 benedictus.
98 MARGARET.
99 Moral! no, by my troth, I have no moral meaning; I meant, plain
100 holy thistle. You may think, perchance, that I think you are in love: nay,
101 by’r Lady, I am not such a fool to think what I list; nor I list not
102 to think what I can; nor, indeed, I cannot think, if I would think my
103 heart out of thinking, that you are in love, or that you will be in love,
104 or that you can be in love. Yet Benedick was such another, and now is he
105 become a man: he swore he would never marry; and yet now, in despite of
106 his heart, he eats his meat without grudging: and how you may be
107 converted, I know not; but methinks you look with your eyes as other women
108 do.
109 BEATRICE.
110 What pace is this that thy tongue keeps?
111 MARGARET.
112 Not a false gallop.
113 Re-enter Ursula.
114 URSULA.
115 Madam, withdraw: the Prince, the Count, Signior Benedick, Don
116 John, and all the gallants of the town are come to fetch you to church.
117 HERO.
118 Help to dress me, good coz, good Meg, good Ursula.
119 [Exeunt.]